AIBU to want to talk to someone - concern over a friend

[TryingToBeBold]

Cross Posted - Thinking it may be more appropriate here..

Firstly this really is about a friend. Not secretly about me and a cover up etc.
I got to know her when we were both pregnant and our children were born close together, albeit hers early.
She has a lot of family issues, isn't close to her mums side, dad lives an hour or so away. She can't work. And doesn't have many friends of her own so I try her best. She doesn't drive either.
Her partner is a number of years older than her with an older child already.
From conversations with her.. I feel like shes struggling. Little one was early and barely sleeps at all and suffered from colic and sickness quite a lot although this is easing off.
It's her partner that concerns me. I'm under the impression he never gets up for night feeds, goes to work, and expects to have all the 'nice' bits of parenthood. As soon as the baby cries or isn't settled he yells and shouts at the baby. And if confronted about absolutely anything becomes an essentially moody man child.
Apparently his mood swings are.. regular and will last a few days.
She feels can't leave.. I'm under the impression because she hasn't worked for a long time she doesn't have a lot of money, she's cautious of asking her dad for help due to him just moving in with a partner, and her partner owns the house.

I'm.. I try and listen as much as I can,and I don't believe there is any violence.. but I also think yelling at a baby (less than 3 months) to shut the fuck up, or to cut it out because baby is a little unsettled or has been woken up, is out of order.
Do I speak to a HV?

I've tried being gentle with her. I've tried to be..brutally honest. Nothing works. I have encouraged her to speak to a HV or someone, or speak to her family about staying at theirs.
I believe a lot of mutual friends are more friends through him.
I've only just managed to convince her not to try for a second one (was considering it when baby was weeks old)... I don't believe baby is in danger but I do believe it's a very negative environment

AIBU to speak to someone? I know I'd never be forgiven or my reasons understood.. she knows my views.

It sounds awful, and I don't have any good advice but giving you a bump xxx

You could try HV or social services to get them on their radar, they would probably offer some forms of support to her but not sure she would take them.

They won't take action in my experience just because someone is shouting at baby

I've got my own HV coming round next week so I might mention it.
I guess although when its just shouting..it could be worse and I feel like I've overreacted a little.. but it seems to be a very tense environment and she seems quite isolated. And his tantrums at both her and the baby wear her down even more.

I wonder if she wants to leave, but knows she can't because of finances. If that could be it, it might be helpful to gather some information for her. For instance, what would happen if she presents as homeless, does her LA have any properties available? Does the LA offer a bond/ deposit scheme that could help her get somewhere? They might also have a list of landlords who might accept her.

She might struggle to understand the benefit system, and be worried about delays in getting money. If you can reassure her that advances are available, and perhaps you could help her with budgeting if she needs it.

It's great that you're looking out for her. If you could drop in bits of information about the above that might help her see that there are options available for her.

She is in an abusive relationship, but it ultimately has to be her decision to leave. All you can do is keep open the lines of communication, don’t slag him off to her because she will isolate herself/be isolated , and be ready to support her when she does decide to make break for it.

If the relationship was ok prior to the baby it may be as simple as he/they need support; it is a big adjustment.

I don't believe baby is in danger but I do believe it's a very negative environment

^^ this is your answer, SS wont intervene. Some house holds are just shouty and sweary.

I think the relationship was like this before but I see your point. I've made my opinion of him known (its hard not to when she's messaged upset because he's yelling at the baby), but I'll try and back down and become a bit more impartial

I agree, speak to your HV about it. Sadly I think there is little else you can do

Could you suggest freedom programme to her?

@nanbread what is that can I ask?
Baby rarely sleeps and she refuses to sleep until the baby is asleep so I think its wearing her down