Anyone else trying to be NC with a family member hijacked by others?

[greenplants]

I have a very valid reason for going NC with my DSis. My parents are aware of my decision to be NC and cannot dispute that my reasons for that are reasonable and valid. Despite this they incessantly bring her up when we get together despite me telling them I don't want to think about her. When we are not talking about her there is an elephant in the room which causes tension. I understand they want us all to get on and be a happy loving family but this is just not the case. I just don't kow what to do to have a relationship with them without it being tarnished by DSis. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I tell them time and again how I feel but they won't let it go.

They're not going to let it go. The best you can do is change the subject every single time. Don't get sucked in to discussing it. Try grey rock technique. Also google flying monkeys.

Could you write to them explaining exactly this? A clear email might allow the time and space for them to consider your feelings and accept them. If they refuse I guess you have to go LC with them. Do be clear that you don’t expect them to take sides or drop contact with her just stop mentioning her and have their own relationship with each of you?

It depends on what they are saying about your Sis. If they are trying to get you and her to get back in contact then they are being unreasonable. However, you cannot expect them never to mention her again as she is their daughter.

First time they mention her say calmly
I don't want to hear about dsis
Next time, or if they carry on then leave.
Go home.

Do this everytime

Yes. I'd love to be completely NC with my SIster, I'd have to cut off my entire family for it to actually work

I’m in same position. 18 months into NC with DSis. One parent accepts it and one parent is upset by it. There was a lot of difficulty initially as DM would start group chats which included us both and that infuriated me. Absolute lack of respect for my feelings. Eventually it has sunk in. Had to see her once and did ‘grey rock’. I will do that any time I have to see her. I can cope with her being talked about a bit. I’m just not willing to allow her to continually abuse me. Stay strong OP.