I'd really appreciate some outside views!
Pertinent information - I used to be self-employed, I made about £4k a month. My abusive ex sabotaged the business when we split, and as I was already feeling quite isolated, I went back to work for a company. It wasn't great. The position was a big pay cut, although local, and very disorganised. Eventually, it gave me a nervous breakdown in December. In February, they paid me in lieu of an employment tribunal - I have a complaint with ACAS about this, as I was really poorly advised.
It took me a good few months to recover, and I've been half-heartedly doing some self-employed work on the side to make money, but not really throwing myself into it. Now I need to be making a decent amount again, pretty suddenly - We need to start paying for things for our wedding soon, my savings are dwindling and my lovely fiancé isn't making as much from his new job as he thought he would.
My choices are;
Go back to work. It'll have a fairly long commute, to be anywhere near a decent salary...the industry has been ruined by Brexit. I'll probably manage an okay amount, but I'll be out of the house a lot. My last job was basically 8am - 9pm.
Throw myself into my own company. Fiancé is happy for me to do this, and I loved it before, it suited me loads. But I'm starting from scratch, and petrified of failure. So, so scared of losing the "dream" of doing it again if I try and fail.
The aggravating factor may be that I have bipolar depression, which makes employment difficult. I usually cope fine for ages, look very competent, get given lots of responsibility and have random, severe flares after 18 months or so. Work is a major trigger for me - commuting, and workplace politics. I have been much healthier being at home this year, even with the woes of working with clients - I've had no more flares. I can't increase my treatment for bipolar due to organ issues.
I don't think there's much else... We're getting married next year, the finances are stressing me out a bit but it isn't that expensive and fiancé isn't worried. I don't like the idea of having to use savings! We'd like to have kids in the next 12 - 18 months, all being well.
Would you look for a job, or focus on building my business? I can't do both, my mind will either be in searching and applying and interviews, or in finding clients. I won't do either well if I try and do both!