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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think it should just be called off?

16 replies

ShadyLady53 · 04/09/2019 12:04

Due to have a small dinner party/informal meeting this evening for a social committee I’m part of. We have something to discuss and plan by the end of the month but it’s not especially urgent.

In attendance there will be;

Someone with a 3 week old who had a very high risk pregnancy, had an emergency c-section and who’s baby was in the NICU. The baby is still very underweight. This would be Mum’s first time out.

A hospice nurse and their partner who is recovering from cancer. They are hosting.

A neutropenic person with an autoimmune disease who lives with other people with the same disease. They are also self-employed and don’t get paid if they are too ill to work.

Someone whose partner has just finished chemo and had recent major surgery to remove the tumour.

Various thankfully healthy people!

One person sent a message to our group chat today to say that they woke up “full of flu” and that it’s best not to get too close to them tonight “haha!!!” and lots of sick emojis. Another person said “oh no, I’ve got this bug too. See you all tonight, bring your gas masks.” (I do understand it’s unlikely that it is the actual flu, given that they still plan on attending).

One of the people with the circumstances above has said they are now not comfortable coming and is being criticised by the “healthy” people. I am one of the people who is at risk and I’d prefer not to go. I think it’s especially unfair on the people who are hosting for two people to think it’s ok to turn up to their home full of germs.

As it’s not especially urgent, am I unreasonable to think that if the two ill people refuse to stay home, that the meet up should be cancelled?

I do wonder what goes through people’s heads at times!

OP posts:
FanSpamTastic · 04/09/2019 12:07

I completely agree with you. Either postpone the evening - or the sick people stay away. Can't they FaceTime in if absolutely necessary? I hate it when germ ridden people turn up at my house or at work!

Cuppa12345 · 04/09/2019 12:08

I thought this would be about brexit, which should def be cancelled

But yes, also, the ill people shouldn't attend but now they've made the others aware, those with compromised immune systems should stay well clear at least.

Toddlerteaplease · 04/09/2019 12:09

Totally agree it should be cancelled. Glad the thread wasn't about bloody Brexit!

EAIOU · 04/09/2019 12:11

Haha I thought it was about Brexit too 😂😂

Yeah, your health is more important as it's you left to deal with the aftermath. Wouldnt risk it.
Theres no problem with rescheduling.

ShadyLady53 · 04/09/2019 12:11

We meet weekly so we’d be able to deal with it next week anyway.

Haha, no not a Brexit thread.

OP posts:
ShadyLady53 · 04/09/2019 12:14

Glad I’m NBU. The thing is that if all the at risk people didn’t come then there would only be the two sick people, the hosts (hospice nurse and her husband who has just got into remission), and two other people there.

I dunno maybe someone (me) just needs to speak up and say let’s leave this week and tag on an hour next week.

OP posts:
ILearnedItFromABook · 04/09/2019 12:19

YANBU. It's selfish to needlessly spread one's germs.

RosaWaiting · 04/09/2019 12:20

the ill people should absolutely stay at home.

unfortunately the chances of people being ill in this period of time are very high so it's much fairer than cancelling and rearranging IMHO.

I'm always stunned at the selfishness of those who are happy to spread their germs around.

DidYeAyee · 04/09/2019 12:23

The ill people should stay at home - even without the "higher risk" attendees it is inconsiderate to attend something like this and make others ill when it's not urgent/ necessary.

AmIThough · 04/09/2019 12:24

The ill people should stay at home but have made it clear they won't.

Don't go - explain why. The other 'at risk' people can make their own decisions.

DidYeAyee · 04/09/2019 12:25

Id send a message saying "maybe you guys could give it a miss this week, dont want us all getting it. Hope you feel better soon! "

PatriciaHolm · 04/09/2019 12:33

The hosts should ideally cancel i think.

ShadyLady53 · 04/09/2019 12:44

@PatriciaHolm I wish they would!

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 04/09/2019 13:09

Respond very robustly to the 'healthy people' comments -

"Your flu could be far more serious for me, so I won't be coming. The sensible thing to do is to meet next week. See you then"

Give the others a bit of support in saying no too!

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 04/09/2019 13:29

What criticism is one of the ill people giving? Some people are horribly selfish. I think the group need to agree some 'rules' about attendance at future events given there are some people with vulnerable health in the group and its coming up to winter

ShadyLady53 · 04/09/2019 13:44

I’ve messaged to say I won’t be coming and explained why. No one has replied. The person who said they couldn’t come got a few roll eyes emojis from one of the ill people. I actually don’t think I care if I’m judged or seen as a drama queen...if they were in my shoes they’d do the same thing.

I think I just worry that, because two of us pulled out, in future they won’t think to inform people in advance and will just show up full of germs.

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