DH's annoying uncle

[hxhussain]

This is my first post so bear with me if it's really long. I had to put it up because it's been annoying me for a very long time.

So DH works full time as a semi senior accountant and has his own business on the side doing accounts for clients. Currently he’s had a surge of clients and he needs me to help with the accounts. I’m more than happy to help with that.

The thing that is irritating me is that his uncle has take up too much of his time over the past year or so with his accounts work.

He’s been oohing and aahing about buying a property for over a year. He initially came to DH for advice but never took it on board but when things kept going pear shape he goes back to DH’s words and then he has to sort out the mess which isn’t fair.

He’s had DH doing 10 year’s worth of tax returns, arrange meetings with DH’s friend (who’s a mortgage broker), write countless letters to his solicitor and make phone calls during working hours. DH doesn’t like me saying anything negative about the whole situation and it always ends up into a heated argument.

I would like DH to prioritise the clients that pay him over his uncle's work. His work is never ending. Not once has he mentioned that he will pay for the time and effort he puts in. I’m worried for DH because he’s soo stressed out. The amount of work he has done for him soo far would amount to £5,000+ if it was with another accountant. Money is tight atm because we’re living on one income with a mortgage and bills to pay. We don’t save up as much as we would like to so every penny counts right now.

You could get a job? I know that sounds flippant but rather than investing your own time in your husband's business which isn't being run well (due to free work), you should invest your time and energy in a job for yourself. Don't do your DH's extra work anymore.

He’s helping a family member, most people would do that for free in a heartbeat. Maybe look to see how you can help instead of hindering

Alice are you serious? The extend to which OPs husband is helping the relative is ridiculous!

She already is

Are you an accountant? If so could you take a paid role with your DH's business? That might ease your financial burden. Not sure you can do much about your DH working for the uncle if it's his business and he's willing to do it, but I wouldn't work for free to subsidise someone else (and that includes your husband's uncle AND your husband, married or not).

@hennypennyhorror I did want to get a weekend job but DH said why get a job outside when I can work for him. He’ll pay me a wage. He has a lot of clients but DH isn’t the most organised person and this is where I want to help him. Do the marketing side of it and the admin along with the client’s work too.

@Alicewond I’m not hindering. I’m trying to make him see sense because he’s investing too much time into his uncle’s work. At first it was 1 or 2 favours but now it seems like he’s his 24/7 accountant on speed dial. He calls when he’s half asleep in bed. That's how bad it is. DH has shown frustration and seems helpless towards the situation.

@chamenanged Yes I’m an accountant. He’s suggested the idea and I’ve taken it on board to do the work regularly. I’ve told DH that he’s not a charity organisation where he can dish out free services.

I assume your DH is an adult and able to converse with his own family members? This whole managment of other adults irks me somewhat.

Money is tight atm because we’re living on one income with a mortgage and bills to pay

DH works full time as a semi senior accountant and has his own business on the side doing accounts for clients.

the self employed buiness with be configured so it's all income and no tax, hence paying you to offset income and utilise your personal allowance.

Make sure as well as a wage he pays into a pension for you and national insurance etc.

@WhatsMyPassword He can speak to them but it's difficult. It's his maternal uncle and my MIL has put him up to it to help her brother out. DH does accounts work for his brother's restaurant and he pays for the service. So why's it any different for his uncle?

@chamenanged He's gonna put me on the company payroll and will be giving me payslips.

It's your husbands business so it's literally his business how he runs it. Maybe just let him get on with it.
As his wife, not your place to tell him how to do his job. As his employee, not your place to tell him how to do his job.

Tell your husband you'll no longer work for him and seek a part time job if he feels so inclined to "help" his uncle for free-as I see it he's getting screwed twice being at beck and call of his user relative and paying you to wok for him when he could concentrate on his paying clientele instead. If he refuses to listen then seek employment elsewhere because watching him being taken advantage of is hurting you to witness. If he wants to be a welcome mat to family that's his poor judgement

As usual in these situations it comes down to having the ability to say no.

Your husband could try the softly softly, indirect approach of emailing the uncle to say just to let you know that I have so much work coming in at the moment that your work will be put on the back burner. Quite understand if you want to pay someone to do it quicker.

And then ignore all the uncle's work, completely.

If your MIL asks about it then your dh will have to say, sorry mum but I need to do the work which pays before I can help out relatives. We can't afford to do work for free.

And believe in yourselves that this is a perfectly reasonable approach!

The uncle is a CF. But your husband is letting him be one.

Good luck

@1stmonkey Although it’s his business, he asks for my input all the time. At first the business was under my name but after having the kids I couldn’t give my 100% to it so I asked DH to take control of it. Seems like I’ll have to get involved again.

@EKGEMS You’re right. I’m gonna have to be stricter and if it means another heated argument so be it. I don’t like people walking all over him like a doormat.

@chamomileteaplease My husband always puts others first and will go out of his way to help. But when it comes to him needing that sort of help no one is there for him. I know when helping people you shouldn’t expect anything in return but in this situation it’s totally out of hand.
Thank you for the advice 😊 I will mention it to DH and see what he says. Really hope he sees sense and stops doing the work. My FIL got involved before and he used the blunt approach which didn’t go down well. I was happy until DH the saint apologised to his uncle and started helping him again...!

I think the answer here is not for you to get more involved, but to wash your hands of it, as others have said. I.E., not to ignore what he is doing, but to sit him down one evening and say, "We're going to need a baby-sitter because I'm going to be job hunting. Our current work arrangement isn't working out. I appreciate that you want to spend a large number of unpaid hours sorting out your uncle's affairs--that's your right. But as I've said, that makes me uncomfortable. So I would prefer working elsewhere."

Best of luck with sorting it all out .

You saying that your husband always puts others first - well the thing is that he should be putting you and the children first surely? Not his uncle! I hope he can see that.

Interesting that your FIL tried as well - so would he be on your side?