Is he messing with my mind?

[Terriblygrateful]

I had what could be described as an emotional affair for two years or thereabouts. I never thought it was an ea until it was over and I was not answerable to anyone nor was he . Sexual intimacy never came into it for us. It got awkward as we worked together and there was a substantial age gap, seniority issues and kids involved. Just messy . I finished it by calling out the intensity and inappropriate feelings I thought we shared .he was sad but he met a lovely person . I never heard much about her only how casual and relaxed it was and then he told me her life story and all her various issues .
He started the inappropriate comments and interaction once more . I stopped it and now and then he would try to restart something.
Fast forward a few months and he told me that we needed to cut contact! The penny dropped so to speak. I agreed and said how very relieved I felt, that we were of the same opinion , finally.
Since then he was been off with me. Awkward, not making eye contact , avoiding me and weirdly has started texting me again, asking me my opinions on his relationship and ideas how to spend their days off!! WTAF is going on here . I have very real and serious family difficulties at the moment so my head is not in agood place to process this. He is bloody Miserable and his weirdness is making me miserable too .

Thanks for reading this .

You’re still in the habit of attachment and feeling the current of action/reaction between the two of you.

Just ignore him or go grey rock.

You know, leave it three days and then text back, ooh not sure! Hope you guys manage to work it out

Something breezy as fuck.

Thanks. That’s a good idea . Very confusing behaviour and I really do need a clear head for the near future thanks

Any other thoughts appreciated please Really could go without this right now .

It sounds confusing - but his confusion is his problem, not yours

It can take a while to detach even when you know it’s the only course of action. Stay deliberate in your intention to keep a clear head and you’ll detach quicker than you imagine I reckon.

Oh I really hope you’re correct. I hate a bad atmosphere

I would speak to him face to face and be clear that you are not his relationship problems sounding board. Make sure that he understands that from this moment on you are work colleagues and nothing more. He is only to contact you about work and only via work-related lines of communication (i.e. use your work email address not your gmail or hotmail etc., text or call only on your work mobile, not on your personal number etc.)

Next, delete his personal contact details from your devices, ensuring you delete old conversations and emails too.

Then stick to it. Do not waver, the first indication you give him that there's wriggle room in your strictly professional relationship, it sounds as if he will take a mile, so be firm.

Finally, sit back and relax; safe in the knowledge that you have put an end to something which could have potentially destroyed someone's relationship. You should then have the 'head space' to focus on and deal with your own current difficult family issue, which I hope you manage to successfully resolve - with your new, strong, resilient attitude!

to give you energy for the task ahead and wishing you strength and a firm resolve (and for him to be able to get the message without having to be told more than once!)

Thanks you so much for responding to me . I guess I am black and white as a person and this grey area unsettled me somewhat. I have often felt that he can be a bit obsessive and creepy so when he started up texting again and looking for an emotional aid , I felt stressed. Work is terribly awkward. The atmosphere is strained . Why he wants to ask me my ideas on his current relationship I do not know . We shared many confidences and emotional intimacy . I did think he was trying to hurt me for some reason . I have thought that it was because he spoke so disrespectfully of her and sharedherconfidemces with me( foradvice reasons) and perhaps he felt bad about that .hard to say .

Is he trying to hurt me or am I being over sensitive? Anyone?