To ask work for extra time off

[Umminewb]

I work two jobs and am on maternity leave with my DS(3 months). As time is passing I'm getting increasingly worried about returning to work. My jobs, combined total to 50+ hours a week. I'm considering emailing one of my employers to request an extra six months, unpaid maternity leave. Is this unreasonable? Am I overthinking? Should I wait till closer the time to request this- so that I know his timetable and so which job to ask. Aibu to want the extra time? To request the extra time? To think age 1 is too little for me to return to full time work?

Extra info:
DH is self employed but needs to be fully invested in his work to build a reputation and so cannot reduce his hours.

I do have to option of leaving him with either of his GP but don't really like this.

If DP can't earn enough to keep you from having to work 50 hours a week (plus the inevitable nighttimes), he needs to close down and get himself a proper job.

I’d try to contact ASAP. I know that in my work I could not take any leave, including unpaid whilst employed and actively working elsewhere.

Worried on what grounds? Worried about leaving your child is normal and will continue no matter when you go back to work.

Plenty of people work full time when their child is 1. It's not ideal, but it's not the end of the world.

An extra 6 months after the year would not be maternity leave, just unpaid leave. YANBU to want more time, but it does seem you'd be better off focusing on a longer term solution.

Good luck!

You don’t actually say when you are due back, or how long you’ve been on ML. You know that you can return to the sane job for 9 months, and a similar grade for up to a year? Then you can add annual leave yiu have accumulated.

unpaid parental leave

Your dp is a parent and doesn't get to focus on his job 100%. I speak as a partner of someone who set up a business while I was on maternity leave. He needs to juggle work and parenting like every other parent in the world.

Working 50 hours a week sounds very difficult with a young baby unless your partner can reduce their hours to compensate. Is that the only way you can manage financially?

If DP can't earn enough to keep you from having to work 50 hours a week (plus the inevitable nighttimes), he needs to close down and get himself a proper job.

Eh? Since when is being self employed not "a proper job"?

OP if you can afford to take the time unpaid anyway I'd think about leaching one job and just keeping the other maybe, then in the future there may be scope to increase the hours in that job?

*leaving not leaching!

Is DS going to nursery? How are you planning to juggle the logistics of it if you're working 50 hours and your partner is "fully invested" in his business?

I think whether you go back at 12 months or 18 months (or however long) it's still really hard, especially if both partners are working long hours.

One of the jobs doesn't pay as well but is secure- I wouldn't earn enough with this job alone. The other job pays very well but my employer has a thing about making people redundant when it suits.

My DH does make enough to support us, however we have a mortgage and support a big family. I support him on building this business so that eventually we can both retire young, having paid off our mortgage. Although I could stop working, I would not want to be a stay at home mum. I would like to maintain work-life and being a mother. I would eventually reduce hours in the job that would allow me, but want the extra six months as I feel he will be too young to leave and mean I'm missing out on our bond because of it.

@MitziK I didn't say he doesn't earn enough. I didn't say I HAVE to work 50 hours. He has a proper job and has given us a better life, so far than most people our age have.

If your main concern is that at 12 months he’ll be too young to leave, I would wait a while before making any decisions. A 3 month old is wildly different to a 6 month old and again to a 9 month old - right now it probably seems unimaginable but you might feel differently in a few months. At 3 months with my first I didn’t even want to leave him to get my hair cut! By 11 months I was fine with him starting nursery.

That said, 50 hours a week is a lot when you have a kid as well, is that 5 x 10 hour days? What’s your childcare plan?

If you can make it work financially I’d quit one of your jobs and go back to the other so you’d be working part time. Working 50 hours a week with a partner that is very busy running a business is going to be extremely difficult whenever you go back, irrespective of your son’s age.

A 1YO is not too little to leave in childcare or with grandparents though. My maternity leave is 12 weeks; you are so fortunate to live in the U.K. and get a year off!

didn't say he doesn't earn enough. I didn't say I HAVE to work 50 hours. He has a proper job and has given us a better life, so far than most people our age have.

But you said one job doesn’t pay enough, enough for what?

I can’t understand why anyone would work 50 hours a week in two jobs if they didn’t have to. If it’s solely to aid early retirement, I’m not sure working so many hours away from your kids is worth it as they won’t benefit at all from your early retirement.

@elizzza I've been wanting to get my hair cut- for me this means over an hour at the salon. I don't want to leave him either. I'll wait a while as advised, but can't wait too long or my request will be refused.

If your husband earns enough to support you, why would you not be earning enough with the one job? If you don't have to work 50 hours, don't work 50 hours. It just doesn't make any sense to me

You say that you have a far better life than others your age have OP. I would ask how you define better. Maybe you will be mortgage free earlier or have better cars - this does not mean you have a better life. Your peers may actually enjoy working less hours and spending time with family and friends.

Perhaps time to look at your priorities in life - being better than your peers or being happy?

Your lo is 3 months, you have probably just recovered physically from the birth and your dc is gorgeous but scarily vulnerable.

Wait until the 9 month mark to decide, your baby is too new to make that call at the moment. You don't mention if this is your first but also you say you are supporting a big family. If they are not your children, or your DH's then you might want to look at that, people need to be responsible for themselves, especially as you have the option of GP's looking after them so I am guessing no care home fees?

It might be possible to cut back on spending to support others and therefore you will be able to reduce hours?

It sounds like you are stretching yourselves to retire young? Perhaps reconsider that goal

It's really hard imagining leaving your tiny baby to return to work. MN is full of parents with similar posts. Instead of delaying jobs perhaps consider a flex working request or new job.

But what is going to change in 6 months? What family do you support?

I'd leave the job that pays less (unless you have to go back because of maternity pay) so then you can still have more time with DC but also still socialise etc

I'd spend a bit of time thinking about which job would fit better with family life. Regular hours, childcare compatible, better commute, etc. Then bin the other job.

If you don't need to work 50+ hours per week, why on earth would you?