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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My sister in law is a cow

35 replies

shithappens123 · 03/09/2019 21:50

She’s just so bossy and full of herself. Everything has to revolve around her and she often keeps people waiting. She’s also a boring show off constantly bragging and I’ve seen the way she treats her own friends urgh.

Am I being unreasonable? For years I’ve made an effort with her but lately she’s gotten worse.

OP posts:
WhatNowDH · 03/09/2019 21:51

I’m slightly nervous that this is about me.

practicallyimpractical38 · 03/09/2019 21:52

What has she done that warrants a full thread though

Aquamarine1029 · 03/09/2019 21:52

Why are you bothering to make an effort anymore? She may be your SIL, but that doesn't mean she has to be an active part of your life.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 03/09/2019 21:53

Brother’s wife or husband’s sister?

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 03/09/2019 21:53

Or indeed sister’s wife?

KellyHall · 03/09/2019 21:55

Just continue to be the bigger person. We can't control other people but we can control ourselves and ensure that we at least behave in a manner we can be proud of.

Original poster
shithappens123 · 03/09/2019 21:55

Brothers wife Confused I dread seeing her and in October we have a big family function and I’d rather eat my own poo then go but my brother wouldn’t be happy

OP posts:
Blutopia · 03/09/2019 21:56

WhatNowDH That's why I clicked on it too. I'm not overly fond of mine although I can't articulate why - and I suspect she loathes me and thinks I'm a cow.

The description doesn't match me though. If OP had said snippy, defensive, stand offish and boring about her weight...

NoSauce · 03/09/2019 21:56

Do you clash?

Original poster
shithappens123 · 03/09/2019 21:58

My brother is an accountant and she is a stay at home mom and always says how I don’t spend enough time with my children and that they’ll probably end up no hopers.

OP posts:
mbosnz · 03/09/2019 22:02

Well, use the classic MN lines on her about SAHM's - how's her pension going? Her employability? All good under the hood when it comes to keeping the (earning) man happy? Isn't it WONDERFUL the example you set to your children about making your own way in life and earning your own living?

StrakerAndBarlow · 03/09/2019 22:02

Remind her she'll be fucked if her husband leaves her...much more sensible to be financially independent Wink

BlythesEyes · 03/09/2019 22:03

Don't bloody moan about her and feel bad....do something.
Call her out when shes late, make your excuses and walk away when she brags and how she treats her friends is not your issue, its theirs.
Go to your do and when she comes near walk away. Don't listen to her.

Engage with others and enjoy.

Original poster
shithappens123 · 03/09/2019 22:05

I don’t feel good about these thoughts and could never discuss this with my brother as he will have to stick up for her. Which I know he should as he’s a decent man who defends his wife. I need a drink.

OP posts:
fergusthefrog · 03/09/2019 22:05

I get you, OP. I hated my DBrother's ex-wife and it was so tricky especially as DB and I are very close. There isn't really an awful lot you can do if you want to maintain the relationship with your sibling. If you aren't too bothered then I'd say definitely distance yourself; no one's forcing you to spend time with her.

Original poster
shithappens123 · 03/09/2019 22:07

She’s like a dementor from Harry Potter sucking the life out of me.

OP posts:
Original poster
shithappens123 · 03/09/2019 22:08

Good advice I’ll definitely have a head ache when I need to see her.

OP posts:
CrispMornings · 03/09/2019 22:22

Never mind OP, so's mine. Thankfully she's 000's of miles away Grin.

31RueCambon75001 · 03/09/2019 22:22

I can put up with anybody so long as they're not unable to hide their dislike of me!

She's being a drama queen and she keeps everybody waiting so it's not personal.

I don't have a low bar honestly! Repeat in your head ''it takes all sorts'' and ''at least she's not being hostile to me''.

I think a passive aggressive SIL making covert snipes would be hard to deal with.

Let her be dramatic!

WaggingKnife · 03/09/2019 22:25

One of my SIL is like this. I told her I wasn’t one of her children and therefore didn’t require her bossing me around.

She tried the same re me working out of the house and I told my brother I would never see or hear from either of them again if she said it again. She hasn’t tried it since.

I think she is scared of me now, she didn’t expect anyone to stand up to her. I don’t think anyone ever has before.

Goingonagondola · 03/09/2019 22:25

Only clicked to see if this was about me. As you were.

ConkerGame · 03/09/2019 22:29

OP I feel your pain. I really dislike my SIL (although DP’s sister, not brother’s wife) and it’s awful when it makes you dread family occasions because you can’t stand spending time with them. I’m afraid I haven’t solved it yet myself so I’ve got no advice, just solidarity and sympathy!

SandyY2K · 03/09/2019 22:30

Those who thought the thread was about them, don't you think you should modify your behaviour. It seems to indicate you may be aware that your not liked.

I'm a sister in law to a few relatives and would never think this was about me.

Bookworm4 · 03/09/2019 22:31

She’s said your kids will be no hopers? This from someone who doesn’t work? Tell her to fuck off.

multivac · 03/09/2019 22:32

She probably loathes you, too. Impossible for us to tell with whom we agree, without meeting both of you - but by starting this thread, you've already nudged me towards her side of the picture...