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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To speak to school about this?

24 replies

namechangef · 03/09/2019 21:42

DS is 7, almost 8 and has ADHD. Last year in school there were multiple issues with him being exposed to bad language from children in his class and also quoting inappropriate phrases from the YouTuber ‘Jeffy’, he had unfortunately seen this on one occasion at a friend’s house but it was clear that others in the class were watching it regularly and repeating what they had seen, he came home singing about ‘putting my pee pee in the Cheerios’, imitating Jeffy tapping his genitals and asking me what the word ‘Fuck’ meant.
Because of his ADHD he is at quite high risk of blurting these things out now he has learnt them (where his friends are able to judge when they can repeat them and get off with it)and we had a stage of having Jeffy related meltdowns each evening, there always will be some silly behaviour with him but this became his ‘go to’ thing to do when overwhelmed although this was thankfully almost exclusively at home. I had mentioned this to school last year specifically naming one child DS had mentioned saying these things and was told the teacher would speak to the other child but no mention of parents being spoken to.
Things had finally settled over the summer when he was no longer being exposed to this in school but he has only been back for a few days and has come home today using the word ‘ball sack’ and quoted something that a friend had seen on Jeffy. Is there any point in approaching school again? Ideally I’d love some kind of general message to all parents making them aware that Jeffy has become a bit of a ‘thing’ in the class and that it is not appropriate as I do think at least some parents are unaware of the content but I’m not sure if that’s an unreasonable thing to expect!

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manicinsomniac · 03/09/2019 21:45

YANBU

Parents at the school I work in would be horrified to find out their Year 3 children were watching and absorbing things like this. (not saying they don't on occasion, just that parents never think they will).

We have to have quite regular communications and sometimes even meetings about awareness of what children are watching online.

Youtube and Netflix (and others, I'm sure) without appropriate controls and supervision are a big problem.

june2007 · 03/09/2019 21:45

I think it is mentioning the youtube thing. They may be able to send a letter saying concearns regarding the inappropriateness of it. But other words will get picked up. I hav had similar probs.

NeutralJanet · 03/09/2019 21:46

School can't really control what other parents let their kids watch at home though. They can crack down on the bad language but unfortunately a lot of it will probably fly under the radar as there won't be enough playground supervisors to listen to all the conversations going on.

kitk · 03/09/2019 21:47

Schools have a responsibility to teach children to be safe online. I don't know Jerry but he doesn't sound the best. Why not ask for a copy of the esafety policy- they will have one- and build your comments/ complaint around that? They can't stop kids watching YouTube or worse outside school, but they should be teaching kids what is reasonable online. I appreciate you said your som's ADHD makes him more vulnerable but they still have a statutory duty to manage this. This doesn't mean I don't think parents need to take responsibility for their kids online behaviour, but given your complaint is about other kids online the esafety policy is a good starting point imo

LillithsFamiliar · 03/09/2019 21:49

You can tell them but I doubt it will make much difference.

namechangef · 03/09/2019 22:01

manic- that’s what I’m hoping, that parents are unaware and would crack down if they knew (at a glance it probably looks innocent as it’s a puppet but he swears, is sexually inappropriate and mocks people with learning disabilities Angry). The Mum whose house DS saw it in was unaware of the content and even when she found out seemed incapable of putting appropriate controls on his internet use, although that particular boy has left now and I have stopped any contact outside school.
I will definitely look up the safety policy as well. I actually have a very good relationship with the principal and was a bit surprised at how casually my concerns were dealt with last year so I wanted a bit of reassurance that my expectations were reasonable!

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LillithsFamiliar · 06/09/2019 10:29

Our school has regular communications about issues like this but it never makes any difference. It seems parents are uninterested as much as unaware.

manic 's comment makes me wonder if our school thinks parents change their behaviour after communications are sent out . . . I always assumed school knew it made no difference but were ticking a box.

WorraLiberty · 06/09/2019 10:32

Does the school have a Facebook group for parents?

If so, perhaps you could mention it on there?

BogglesGoggles · 06/09/2019 10:33

Maybe just send him to a better school? Realistically the school can’t do anything if these children are allowed to watch this nonsense at home.

namechangef · 06/09/2019 21:21

I think there may be a mix of some parents not caring and others being unaware...
There is a FB group for parents but none of the parents of the children DS is naming are on it
Boggles- it is generally a good school and probably the best in the area for a child with his needs. Even if I did send him elsewhere it is likely there would be a few children in another class exposed to similar.

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Templetonstunafish · 06/09/2019 21:24

@BogglesGoggles

Biscuit
JazzyGG · 06/09/2019 21:27

I have a 7 year old and they will not be watching things that teach them the words fuck or ball sack! Yes the school should be concerned if this is rife!

BogglesGoggles · 06/09/2019 21:44

@Templetonstunafish what do you realistically think the staff can do in this situation? Are they supposed to ban children from speaking?

LolaSmiles · 06/09/2019 21:49

There is a limit as to what school can do with regards to internet use out of school.

You could mention that your son has told you about this and you wanted to bring it to their attention as you've looked into it, it's really not child friendly and other parents may not be aware. Then leave it up to the school what to do in terms of notifying parents. You could give a heads up on the Facebook group if you want too but I would flag it to school first.

Templetonstunafish · 06/09/2019 21:59

@BogglesGoggles

Do you think it's realistically possible for most people to simply "just" send their child to "a better school"? Asking because I am genuinely curious.

24hourshomeedderandcarer · 06/09/2019 22:10

i know who this jeffy is as i had to stop my then 8 y old watching it(hes 9 now)months ago as he was repeating words as he had numerous disabilities too and he didnt understand the content was wrong he just found it funny

he was on restriction mode to start with but he found it by the suggestions so its not as if he looked for it

trouble is jeffy is a puppet dinosaur who live with super mario(i only watched 1 episode to see what it was)so the video content passes under the "safe"barrier so even if you put on restriction mode its getting in as it really is just mens playing with puppets but the talking and verbal side is very very inappropriate

he went off it pretty quickly when i explained what they were saying was rude

we home educate so at least he didnt have the peer pressure of having kids in his class repeating it all day so it went out of his head pretty quickly

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 06/09/2019 22:18

In my experience children whose parents don’t supervise their children’s online viewing are always going to expose other children to material not suitable for their peer age group.

This is going to be throughout their schooling and adult life.

You need to educate your child on what is inappropriate and what is appropriate, disability or not.

You need to teach your child what’s right and wrong and built their own resilience up.

However I absolutely agree you need to address this with the school, as social media awareness constructive or not should always be raised with parents.

3boysandabump · 06/09/2019 22:56

We've had letters about similar things from school in the past.

YANBU op. You're not suggesting it's the schools responsibility to police what dc get up to online in their own homes but they do have the means to make parents aware of it.

namechangef · 07/09/2019 08:08

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend
Obviously I do educate him and actually there was a point last year that every time he heard another child use a new word in school he was coming home to ask me if it was a rude one..! 99percent of the time he wouldn’t dream of using inappropriate language but unfortunately when he’s overwhelmed these things all come out!

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Lougle · 07/09/2019 08:25

DD2 was sent an awful video at primary school. I showed the DHT the video and he said he would deal with it. A generic letter went out about internet safety and appropriate content, etc.

ForNoisyBlueKoala · 05/11/2024 02:10

Well DUH! of corse its not for kids! Logan has said that Yet you just dont see it,Oh And Its SML! Not 'Jeffy!' Gawd yall be stupid sometimes!
If yoy thought Jeffy was Bad then you havent seen shrek! Like He Just Always Craps on jeffy And Its like this whole website Shit!

To speak to school about this?
Seashor · 05/11/2024 02:38

We have parents in, we send information home, we do work with the children, we are on it. BUT unfortunately the majority of parents are not bothered. It takes up a disproportionate amount of time in school trying to sort all this nonsense out. I personally would like to be allowed to bang parents heads together for allowing their children to access this garbage.

BackForABit · 05/11/2024 13:16

I think you should tell the school again. Some parents might legitimately not know. We thought we had DC's Youtube locked down (DH put age controls on) and we used to lightly supervise, I.e. be within hearing shot, randomly walk in on YouTube time. It wasn't until we heard swearing and then realised some creators have marked content as safe for children and sort of slipped inappropriate things into the middle of children's videos. Why a person would do that, I don't know.

We then went through history and watched every video. Luckily DC wasn't exposed to much other than what he would generally hear out in the world but I have subsequently heard some horror stories. We now literally sit and watch YouTube with him (so mind numbing but there you go!)

The other parents might have even put parental controls on and not know what their kids are watching.

BackForABit · 05/11/2024 13:18

Oh and snap with the ADHD, once DS is exposed to a word, we never hear the end of it.

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