for being annoyed at DP?

[annoyedandstressed]

AIBU for being pissed off? NC for this.

I've been a bit stressed today so have been a little snappy. DP got pissed off because I asked for personal space while I was making lunch and a hot drink, not wanting him pressed up against me while I did it.

DS has just started playschool, and we're trying a new bedtime routine next week (involving DP), once DS is settled into playschool. I always do bedtime and I don't mind it, it's lovely having storytime and cuddles with DS and DD.

At 7pm, the children were getting agitated and I told DP I was going to settle them and that he could read upstairs or whatever (which is what he usually does). He came back with 'no, I'll just get attitude for the rest of the evening'. It annoyed me no end hearing him say that, as I do bedtime every night anyway and it's me that sends him upstairs so I can do it.

I told him it annoyed me because it's what we normally do, and I haven't done or said anything wrong. He was following me around while I was getting the kids pjs, fresh nappies etc. He kept asking me for a kiss but I was pissed off so I said no. He said I don't respect him, while he was trying to corner me by the kitchen table for a kiss I told him no and to leave me alone.

He then followed me into the living room, and while I was closing the curtains, he asked again for a kiss. I refused and told him again that he had annoyed me, and he said, and i quote 'well you better behave yourself then'. (who the fuck says that to an adult?!)

I told him again to leave me alone and stop talking to me like i'm a child. I went upstairs to prepare kids bedrooms for bed and he followed me up. He asked for a hug and I refused because I was upset and hurt. I feel like he was being condescending (if that's the word i'm looking for). I pointed out to him again that I'd done nothing wrong, but he said I wasn't respecting him 'right this moment'. I asked him why he told me to behave myself, as if I were a child. He said 'i can't be arsed with this' and stormed into our bedroom. He'll stay there for the night.

I've settled both kids and am now going to watch some tv and scroll through Mumsnet, and probably sleep on the couch.

hugs welcome, but not from him.

Your husband sounds dreadful and seriously creepy. The demands to kiss and hug you are vomit inducing. I wouldn't put up with it.

He sounds like he’s throwing a massive tantrum because he can’t have his own way.

Please do be careful though OP.

It doesn’t take much for a man who is pissed off to lash out in anger

What's to respect with his creepy, disrespectful, patronising, and attempting to be controlling behaviour?

Is he another of your children? Following you about for kisses and hugs?
Why do you send him out the way, get him to help with bedtime.
He sounds very odd.

He was hoping for more than a kiss! That would put me right off!

What will he be like tomorrow? Is he always like this? He sounds very childish and petulant.

I’m not quite sure why you send him upstairs though. That’s treating him like a child.

He's a bit of a sulky boundary breacher, isn't he, and needy with it! Nothing worse than someone being all hands when you're feeling scratchy. Would he like it if you did it?

Sounds rather as if he views your body as his property. Is he a groper when your hands are full? Have you talked together about personal space and respect for boundaries? It might be time.

I wonder if he's looking for the same sort of mummy time cuddles the little ones get from you? Have you got a big enough sofa to make a foursome of that and involve him?

@LittleLongDog he goes upstairs to read to be out of the way while i do bedtime. reading is a hobby of his, so i was telling him to go do his usual thing, not literally sending him upstairs.

Wider context would be useful. I'm also a bit confused about the sending him upstairs.

I’m a bit confused about why you don’t expect him to do some bedtime already. I assume you have asked him to do some bedtime, expressing some dissatisfaction with him not doing bedtime but then you said you’d do it and you also say you usually send him upstairs so you can do bedtime... this sounds martyrish and bloody annoying. He sounds worse though.

Why does he have to go upstairs in his own home? It all sounds very odd to me. Why can't you do bedtime together?

we've done bedtimes together before, he'll read to DS in his room and I'll settle DD (baby) downstairs. It took ages to DS to go off sometimes. DP does some night shift voluntary work, and so we fell back into old habits of me settling both kids because it was easiest when he wasn't here. It's quicker for me to do bedtime too. Idk it just works. As i said, we'll be doing a new routine next week, which will involve DP. he'll settle one and i'll settle the other.

and i don't 'send' him upstairs like a child, i tell him i'm gonna settle the kids so he'll go up and do his thing

he goes upstairs to read as DS just wants to play if DP is downstairs for bedtime

He sounds annoying and high maintenance. Don't blame you at all for telling him so.

He sounds awful.

When things have calmed down, I would seriously tell him that he needs to respect your boundaries. He needs to understand that he has no 'rights' as far as your body is concerned.