Early morning feeds and work-AIBU?

[12carrots]

DH works full time, 35 hours a week.
I work part time, 26 hours a week.
I also suffer from insomnia when stressed.
I do all the school/childminder runs apart from twice a week, when my shift starts before school so DH does the school run/childminder drop off those 2 days a week.
One of my shifts also falls on a weekend day so we only have one day of rest together.
Dd is 1 and wakes up very early sometimes, up at 4am and latches on to fall back to sleep.
Dh has never done night feeds, his excuse at first was because dd was fully breastfed, but since 5 months old dd has been mixed fed.

I woke him up after I had been up with dd for 40 minutes last night and asked him to do a night feed. He very reluctantly did, with plenty of moaning. He started work at 9am. I started work at 6am.

I need him to do more with the early mornings as I'm getting an average of 3-4 hours sleep a night. I know most of that is due to the insomnia but when I do fall asleep I'm always up soon for dd. Dh never offers.
Aibu to refuse to do nights any more?!

Where did my voting button go 😶

Can you co-sleep with the baby so she can feed without you having to really wake up? As soon as I was recommended this my life changed for the better and We have all been sleeping brilliantly ever since!

We've just stopped co sleeping and moved baby into their own room....
He did say he would help but reality is different

I would put her back in with you if it's not working? Do you think he will actually be helpful if you make a fuss about it?

Move baby back into your room and do what you need to do to get by. What your husband wants and what he actually does are two different things. You need to do what works for you and baby and he needs to suck it up unless he is actually going to actively parent during the night. There is absolutely no point in you having to ask him to do the night feeds - he should be agreeing with you which nights he’s doing without you having to ask him!

co-sleep. so much easier (both of mine are/were terrible sleepers and i work 50hours + per week)

He did say he would help but reality is different

This is the reality for so many women. It’s such a gamble having children these days and despite what men say women will most likely end up shouldering most if not all of the responsibility. It’s a risk not worth taking in my opinion.

I’m going against the grain here. I think you would be well within your rights to ask your DH to share the night-wake ups. I exclusively breastfed but mine stopped night feeds before I went back to work when he was one (thank god!). However, like yours he was often up at 430 or 5am and needed to be put back to sleep. We split it. I did the days I was home, my DH did the days he was home. We split weekends a day each. The days we were both working we took turns. There is no reason you should have to do all the nighttime parenting.

He said he would help but hasn't or moans about it when he does? Then bring her back to your bed. You need to sleep. Maybe he will take you more seriously and maybe he won't but at least you can get some rest. Lack of sleep led me to depression as soon as I could sleep I felt 100 times better.