To ask for help moving?

[itsmonday]

My marriage has fizzled out and I'm fed up trying to patch it up. I moved to this part of the UK for my husband only. He doesn't speak to any of his family. Our toddler goes to nursery and sees us and has no contact with anyone else until we visit my family in my home town which is a plane ride away. I want to move back to my home country but I know husband won't be happy at that. He doesn't blv the marriage is over as we have been here several times before but Iv lost the will to fight and I think I'm finally seeing that he won't change. My company can't/won't transfer me, Iv worked hard to get to my position and pay and won't easily walk in to a similar paid job. House is in joint names and would need sold. I could live with my parents when I move back but I know husband won't have that option he also couldn't afford to buy me out and probably couldn't afford to live on his own.

I'm totally stuck on what to do, I have no savings and feel like I'm giving up so much coz my husband thinks it's appropriate to behave like a stroppy teenager and speak to me like shit 24/7. Help?

Bite the bullet and leave. You deserve to be happy. It might be a bit difficult at first but I reckon it would be worth it. Sorry you have had to put up with his behaviour. Do you think there is an underlying reason for it? Or is it jus him?

I think it's just him. He really seems to hate and resent me and doesn't keep in contact with family for similar reasons. He has always been quite independent/selfish and happy to do his own thing. He hates being accountable or having to answer to someone else. He tried to gaslight me when the baby was born and Iv really had my eyes opened to him since then. He can't seem to handle family life and I'm so glad he doesn't resent the baby for changing how things were but he definitely resents me for it. I'm not valued or loved

I think you just answered your own question op. You deserve so much more. Sending you a hug. Do you have friends you can trust talk this through with? Have you spoken to your parents?

Thanks broondug. Our friends are mutual and we have been so up and down over the last year I don't feel like bothering with this shit again. I have been chatting with my sis but she is quite diplomatic and doesn't like to get too involved. I'm just trying to get through the next few weeks as I know this will be the hardest part

Good luck. Have you told him you plan to leave? From what you have said about his behaviour and attitude maybe you should not tell him?

We've been here before and Iv just packed a bag and went to my mums but it's meant taking leave from work to do this. We use our leave for childcare to keep nursery costs down so it has now left us with little leave and putting more pressure on us. Anyway, I don't plan to tell him I plan to get a new job and make the move but I know this will be slow going. My worry is that he will be sweetness and light in a few weeks when he is over whatever he has going on and I'll settle back in to life with him again

I understand you being unhappy and wanting to end a marriage but you cannot end his ability to be a father by moving with your child to another country. That is completely unfair.

I think a better first step would be for you to get out and socialise. It must be suffocating having noone to speak to outside of work and home.

Thank you for your input but part of the reason we are like this is because we suffocate each other by having no family around us. My friends all have a lot going on in their own lives but they are mutual friends and they aren't comfortable discussing this. I don't like to offload to them either. Yes it may seem unfair moving to another country but I moved here for him on the premise that we would be happy together and would consider moving back one day. There is nothing stopping him moving also. He would have a better quality of life there too