To be at my wits end

[Foxbozzin]

Name changed for this (hoping it worked)

My son will be 17 next month and I'm at my wits end.

All the way through high school his behaviour has been terrible and has always been disruptive. In year 8 he was sent to another school for 4 weeks because of his behaviour but he improved it. But ever since he got with his girlfriend in year 10 (she's older than him and she doesn't go to his school) his behaviour at school has been terrible again and I'm not blaming her. He shouts, swears, gets in fights and disrupts the lesson. He failed some of his gcses due to not focusing and he had to do them in another room so he didn't distract others.

Over the summer I found out his girlfriend is pregnant and is due next month which I am unhappy about as she is older than him and he's only 16 but it's done now.

His head teacher has been nothing but fair to him since year 7. And when he was in year 11 (towards the end) we had a meeting with him and he said he knows he's a nice lad and can behave and he doesn't like who he has become.

Today is the first day in year 12 and he started a fight with a year 11.

AIBU to be at a wits end? Advice!

He may have picked school, but I imagine the school will ask him to leave. They have no obligation to give him a place once he has left year 11.
He seems to have behaviour issues, which at his age only he can deal with. He has responsibilities, which he has kept you in the dark about.
I agree he does need to get a job, go into the real world of work, mature and support his child.

Sounds like he is heading for an expulsion. The only thing I can say is at his age the kids he is in school with generally want to be there so they won't support his behaviour either. He's going to find himself in a very lonely place.
Are there any youth mentor ship programs in your area? We had a young girl in our school who was very like your son. Was actually carving lads in the year below for oral sex to get money for booze. She was allocated a youth mento by our LA and she's in her final year of A levels now and although still has a mouth like a sewer is much less disruptive and is keeping out of trouble. Her mother also attended teen parenting classes and said they helped her learn ways of dealing with conflict at home.

But the thing is it's not just what he wants!

I know, HollowTalk; I was really trying to identify if he's got any constructive suggestions of his own

He hasn't been assessed for anything or diagnosed with anything

He will be now; this is Mumsnet, remember ...

I am not happy about her being pregnant but there is nothing I can do about it now

There wasn’t anything you could ever have done about it, apart from tell your son to use contraception.

Have you spoken to him about how he’s planning to support his child?

Sorry you’re going through a continuously stressful situation. As the mother of the child is an adult is it not up to her regarding the birth certificate? Presumably if they are still together she will
Want him on it? Do you have a relationship with her? She is soon going to be the mother of your grandchild so might be worth forging one if not?

In regards to your son I think the apprenticeship idea is the best be it something like joinery, plumbing or barbering ? Does he have any interests? Or a part time job?

Why did he have to choose one until he is 18 ? Do you need him to stay in education to claim child support ? Why can't he get a job instead of education ? What does he plan to do once he is 18 ? He doesn't have the luxury of mucking about for another year he got his girlfriend pregnant and he needs to grown up and get a job.

From your replies I get the feeling you want someone else to deal with this. Phone his girlfriends parents and insisit you meet them and talk through what will happen when the baby arrives.

The kids in his class were getting annoyed at him last year so they are probably already getting annoyed at him this year especially today because he was talking over the teacher and shouting out.

He's acting the same as when he was in year 8 as over the 2 years his behaviour was deteriorating.

I didn't know he was having sex with her but I did give him the talk

He doesn't want a job either so he was just going to stay in his room playing xbox all day. So I told him it's either that or staying in education and he chose school.

He's said he doesn't care if he's involved or not with baby.

Is he still together with his girlfriend ?

I don't know what else anyone can say either you force him to do something more productive or you let him keep going until he gets expelled.

Do you want to be involved with the baby ? Are they 100% sure it's his baby ?

This is awful. I hope you plan to try to persue a relationship with baby. I'm sorry but your son sounds like a nightmare and his attitude is awful

If in England you have to stay in education or some form of training until 18
www.gov.uk/know-when-you-can-leave-school

I'm the OP but forgot my password

Today he's been OK but was being disruptive again

I'm not sure if he's still with his girlfriend or if they know 100% if baby is his.

Yesterday I also asked him what he wanted to do when he leaves school and he said he doesn't know.

Apart from the baby, his behaviour is very similar to my partner's when he was at school. He has adhd. I'm not going to diagnose your son, but there are obviously some underlying issues that need looking at.

OP your post reminds me of this thread

https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/3n24ge/myadulttsonissalosttcauseanddifeellashamed/?utmsource=amp&utmmmedium=&utmcontent=postt_body

I have no answers for you I can only say that most parent try to do their best but their kids don't always turn out the way you expect them to. Your son is still young so he may come around one day. Look after yourself.

Have things improved any ?

Military? Because the way he's behaving he might be heading to prison.