To be exasperated with my OH over dental issue?

[WomanBornNotWorn]

He announced yesterday he thinks he has an abscess. He also hasn't been feeling very well. But no of course the two aren't linked ...

Then there's Guilt. I was so wrapped up in my own menopause / financial / anxiety problems I completely failed to notice that even though I've kept up the twice yearly hygienist and checkups it was news to me that he hasn't been for seven years. Because he doesn't like or trust his dentist.

Tried googling local NHS dentists to get at least something underway but he got angry.

I know he's scared (scangry?) and knowing I now have to manage his anxiety as well as my own is just more angst I can do without.

Tell him to search "endocarditis" that should assist him to swiftly help himself.
Also, has he tried oil pulling? Dentists don't encourage it but lots of people say it's beneficial.

Also, has he tried oil pulling?

Unscientific nonsense.

Ignore the people giving out to you, OP. If you had a fear of something you'd expect support from him, so I don't see it's any different.

I avoided the dentist for years, until I went to one who did sedation. He told me that local anaesthetic has improved hugely since I'd been before. I didn't really believe him, but finally plucked up the courage to go to a local dentist and found it's true. Didn't feel a thing!

Dental problems can lead to heart problems, so can't be ignored.

How can a grown woman actually find a grown man THIS. FUCKING. HELPLESS. in any way attractive? You are not his mother. You are not responsible for him making and keeping his dental appointments. If he is unwell or needs treatment of any kind, HE is the one who needs to manage that process.

Your H needs to pick up his phone and get himself an appointment ASAP

He can call your dentist if he hasn’t got one any more, and ask beg for an emergency appointment

The long and short of it will be tho that he needs antibiotics to tackle the infection first before they can do anything

Are you supposed to stand there while he brushes? With an egg timer or a stopwatch to make sure he does it? Do you have to check his bum to make sure he’s wiped it too? Can he manage to tie his laces? Potty trained?

I’d lose all respect for any man who made his teeth my problem

Ffs, if you’re struggling with menopausal stuff (I hear ya, it’s awful) the LAST thing you need is a man more helpless than an infant, and worse making it YOUR fault!

Cheeky and Pathetic Fucker

For anyone considering oil pulling, this is a helpful debunking if it’s benefits.

Link would help!
sciencebasedmedicine.org/oil-pulling-your-leg/

Actor Andy Hallet died of heart disease caused by dental problems :(

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andy_Hallett

You don't have to manage his anxiety though, he may not even want you toi!

He sounds like the sort of man who expects his big boy pants to have been purchased, laundered, ironed in sharp creases, folded, put away and laid out daily for him to put on by Someone Else. Don't be like Someone Else.

Why should you have noticed that he hasn't been to the dentist?

If he has an abscess he needs to go - simple.

Please tell me this is a wind up.

WTF did I just read?

Not read the rest of the answers but...

I have severe dentist phobia even typing this post is bringing up my pulse and I feel sick I've not been able to read the rest of the replies or I'd most likely be cowering in the corner.

I have to have dp go with me. I have to take valium first. I will ONLY go when I'm in so much pain I can't handle it any more. I tried sedation but that scared me too as I was out of control. I literally cry through every appointment and usually have panic attacks before them. I've had 3 dentists now refuse to treat me because I'm so frightened they don't trust themselves...

My teeth are a mess. I'd rather give birth back to back again than go to the dentist even for a check up

Have to stop now actually crying and shaking :(

I’ve spent the last week with hideous pain that comes and goes because I am terrified. I’ve found a dentist that specialises in nervous patients but they can’t see me for three more weeks. I only managed to find them because of support on a thread here and the fact I was able to email them and not call. People just don’t understand what it’s like.

Not your circus!

Your DH is an adult. Let him behave like one!

thank you everyone! Kick in pants I needed! Right. Project dentist. Also project 'kick in pants delivery' begins. PS he has had heart problems which I partly why I was alarmed at the revelation, knowing it can all be connected. RIGHT.

If he’s properly dental phobic, “kick in pants” to him might not necessarily work.

Not your fault at all - but he does need to go to the dentist - I’m no dentist but there can be pretty serious consequences if you leave an infection untreated.

Are you his mum or or his wife? His dental appointments aren't your responsibility, yes he has heart problems but he should be taking responsibility for his own health including something which is linked to endocarditis!

My brother in law had an abscess that went to his brain very quickly. He died from it this past year.