Fear of living alone.

[CupidIsFired]

Ok, I used to work abroad, went out there alone a few times, and with a friend other times. I had no fear (well I was cautious and sensible) I shared accommodation with strangers, and also stayed alone sometimes. It was great, I had the best times, met people etc.
Fast forward to now, I'm a single mum, ex left me after 5 years, when I got pregnant on the pill it was a shock to us both but I wasn't willing to go down the other route and I love my DD and it's the best decision I made. My mum asked me to move back in with her during my pregnancy so she could help out and so I could go back to work and start saving money to get my own place. I went back to work when DD was 9 months and now she's 16 months. O am extremely grateful for what my mum has done and is doing for me, she is a fantastic nana. But I feel I need to move out now as DD is gettin older and the house is quite small, DD Has taken over so I want to give my mum her house back. I would like to move out this year, in the next couple of months but I now have this huge fear. I had PND and was going to counselling, I thought this was the reason for my fears but counselling has finished now and I still feel the same.
I'm scared of living alone with DD. Not because I don't think I can do it, but because I'm scared of something happening.
Recently I've seen alot of burglaries in the news, someone has posted on FB Today that they woke up to find someone had marked their house with red paint, which suggests a number of things like they're going to get burgled, dogs stolen etc.
I feel like I'm going to feel unsafe, I feel like I'm going to feel vulnerable. I worry that I won't be able to protect my DD. There is so many bad people in this world and it makes me feel so uneasy and anxious.

But I don't know why I feel like this now, as I said I used to go abroad alone and I wasn't scared, even though I feel like that should be more scary for me.
I also worry that I will feel more lonely, I have no friends here, due to working abroad.

So aibu to feel like this? Did anyone else feel like this? Will it pass when i eventually move out or is there something I can do to make it better/easier. I keep putting off the whole thing due to the fear and anxiety, which isn't good for any of us as I need to do it. But I've never had this fear before.

Sorry it's long.

go to the doctor. They can definitely help you...it sounds like you have anxiety which there is medication for.

Don't rush out of your Mum's either...unless she's asked you to. The doctor is your first port of call.x

Agree with pp. Your mum has encouraged you to live with her. She obviously doesn’t mind. Has it occurred to you that she may welcome the company? Maybe she was lonely.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t move out when you are ready but don’t make yourself ill doing it. When you do, you could live very close by and still support each other.

Hi OP

You were not scared travelling on your own before because it was just you. I think your anxiety is about protecting your child. You have had your mum protecting you both so understandably you are doubting whether you can do it yourself for just you and DD.

But honestly you will be fine. There are lots of us that have brought up children on our own. Being on your own with DD will be good for you both and help you to be more resiliant knowing you can do it.

Hopefully you will be so busy searching for a new place and getting it sorted with furniture etc, that you will be occupied and have less time to dwell on the negative thoughts you are having.

Remember you are your child's role model, and you don't want her to pick up on your anxiety when she is older. So take each day at a time and you will get there.

Yes part of motherhood anxiety is that you won't be there for them. It's like a new fear unknown to you before and a fear of losing your life.
As far as I'm concerned it's perfectly normal.
How many times has your life been in danger lately? Yes probably never.
How many times has DDS life been in danger lately? Yes probably none.
You will be absolutely fine and as soon as you get these worries into perspective the more you both can enjoy your own space. With mum nearby it's all good.
It really is all good. In fact you'll be delighted I'm sure.
😊

It might be something that will get better with time, once you've had a chance to adjust to living alone again, but I agree that there's no rush to move out, if your mother hasn't asked or hinted to that effect. (Unless moving is something you feel you want or need to do for yourself, of course.)

I don't believe there's anything strange about your fears, though if you feel they're holding you back, it can't hurt to speak to a doctor about them. You're not exactly the same person you were when you last lived on your own. You've become accustomed to living with someone; maybe some of the fearlessness of youth has faded. Perhaps more to the point, it's only natural to feel extra worry and anxiety about safety, when you're embarking on the completely new experience of living alone with your child. Once you've settled into a new routine in your own home (and convinced yourself over time that your new situation is safe), you'll probably find yourself worrying less and less.

Try to keep in mind that much of the stuff on Facebook is false news, sensationalist and that if you read those stories you are sent more of those stories ( just like if you read the right wing feeds you are fed more right wing feeds) so in the end it seems as everyone is getting burgled and everyone is right wing. Try not to go on social media as much op. ( she says going on social media at ridiculous o clock).

Thank you everyone for the replies. At least I feel like I'm not being so stupid feeling like this now.

I think it's best for me to move out as me and my mum are clashing a bit, arguing more than normal. I understand she probably gets a bit tired having a toddler around all the time and she would love to have some peace, I work 3 long days a week so in my 4 days I try to make sure we're out, she has toddler groups/swimming and soft play membership so I take her out to give my mum a break. So it would be nice to not have to go out so much if I didn't want to and to have a toddler friendly house so I could let DD play alone sometimes and get some work done. My mum's house isn't child proof at all so I can't really leave DD alone in a room for too long, and she has 2 dogs, one of which can get a bit snappy so I won't leave her alone with the dogs in the room either. And I don't feel like I can child proof the house as it's not mine.

Hopefully PP is right and the who ordeal will consume my mind and keep me busy so i won't be thinking about the fears

Definitely move out....you may find your anxiety eases a lot! Also...I'm a Mum...older than you and if my DD got pregnant and then her partner left her and she had the baby and went back to work when the baby was 9 months old I'd be very proud of her.

Doing that...whilst coping as a new Mother and out of a relationship too...that's very impressive.

You can come here...to this thread to talk through your moving out journey.

Have you started looking about for somewhere to rent?

@HennyPennyHorror thank you very much, your kind words mean alot!

I've had a look around, my problem is that the rent in this city is incredibly expensive, for a studio 1 bed apartment it was around £650 that was before bills, but i would ideally need 2 bedrooms. Or i would take a 1 bed with a decent living room and use that as my bedroom/living room and DD can have her own bedroom/playspace. If I move just outside the city it's cheaper but then I would have to pay for public transport to take DD to my mum as she babysits or I would have to pay for childcare if it was difficult getting to my mum's orrr buy a car which is again quite expensive.
I'm not sure if I'm entitled to any help being a single mum as I work 25- 30 hours a week. I was planning on going to citizens advice to see what I can do, I've heard of mid market rent which is for low income families or something like that, that's what I was told by someone anyway. I just don't really know where to start so I think CA is my best bet, do you think?

It's strange because I found apartments abroad easily, rent was so cheap too. But here I feel like I'm lost and have no idea where to start. It's all adding to the anxiety too I think.

Are you getting any benefits at all? You should get something as a single parent. CA are good but it can be quite hard to get an appointment or even get through! Your city might be different though so definitely have a try.

Have a look here on the benefits calculator. www.gov.uk/benefits-calculators

It might be a good idea to try to stick it out at your Mum's for a bit longer and get a car.

From a quick google it seems Mid Market Rent is something that some Housing Associations provide.

Can you look up your local Housing Associations? Sometimes they have properties which you have to be in work to qualify for. However, if your city has a problem with housing in general it may be hard for you to get one...as you're adequately housed at the moment.

I get child benefit, working/child tax credits.
Yes i tried to get an appointment a few months ago and there was a 3 week waiting list. I'll call them and make the appt even if there is a wait, at least I'll be able to get some info.
I will look up my local housing association tonight, see what I can find.
That's true, I though as DD is over 1 now and we are sharing a room at my mum's then I might be able to get one, but I was told by someone that it doesn't really matter as we are adequately housed, as you said. So I guess I'll just have to try and hope for the best, or stick it out.

Thank you very much for your help btw

I lived with my parent's when I had dd1. I moved out when I was 18, dd was 3.
I worked shifts, so sometimes dd would stay with my parents overnight. I had never stayed on my own before. It was the best thing we done, I became so much more independent, dd had her own room for the first time.

One of the best bits of advice I was given to manage my anxiety was to come off social media and stop reading the news.
By not seeing sensationalist headlines and scaremongering every day, I do actually feel calmer.
As others have said, find out what help you are entitled to and make sure you get it all. I’m sure if your mum said you were no longer welcome to stay at hers, you would immediately be top of the list? Worth looking into.
Wish you all the best. Xx