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Disagreement with husband over confirmation

9 replies

Buddha123 · 02/09/2019 19:22

Our son is making his confirmation next April but its right bang in the middle of my final year exams. Initially myself and my husband agreed that it would be easier to go out to dinner afterwards with our family. So I got a price for the dinner and provisionally booked it. Now my husband thinks we should do it at home because of the cost of the meal. This has annoyed me as I'll be the one doing all the cleaning and organising while he is working away. I suggested that we save the money after Xmas so at least then it won't be a big expense on the day if we put it aside. But he thinks we would save a few hundred euros which we probably would if its done at home. I will be doing an exam a few days before it plus the remaining exams the 2 weeks after. Plus it'll be me getting everything ready and I know I'll be stressed out(we did the last confirmation at home and I didn't get a minute to myself to sit down and enjoy the food or relax ) The house will need to painted inside and I'll have to buy new glasses, cutlery etc as what we have are on their last legs, fine for us but I wouldn't be giving to guests to use. So will end up buying this stuff anyway and having to spend money. I guess the reason I'm upset is I feel he's not taking my considerations into perspective. For my exams this year I never left the books for 6 weeks solidly before the exams so I could do without the hassle of an event in the middle of it. plus it would be great to be handed a plate of food without any stress. He's now saying that we'll go out so then so basically itll suit me!!? . Its not like we can't afford it especially if we put a few quid aside but I'm the one ending up feeling crap now cos I didn't go with his suggestion. Sorry I probably just wanted to vent too about it.

OP posts:
Smurfy23 · 02/09/2019 19:26

Ask him what hes planning on making then for the meal? How will he sort out the cleaning, redecorating and everything else out in advance?

Buddha123 · 02/09/2019 19:32

He won't Smurfy23 as he'll be away working. He thinks we should order lasagne, quiches etc from a local company which is grand but it's the cleaning and preparation that'll be left to me as he's away. It'll be me organising all!

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Drum2018 · 02/09/2019 19:39

Confirmation is a low key event these days. Most people I know would only invite grandparents and godparents. We were lucky that in both my dc cases, a godparent if each is not involved in our lives anymore - kept the cost down Grin In our family, we dont invite our siblings (unless they are the godparent) or nieces/nephews. All that was done for communions. So to go out for a meal was manageable and probably cost less that getting caterers in for lots of relatives. Don't give in to having it at home if you are left with organising it. It's quite stressful.

Ponoka7 · 02/09/2019 19:54

"but I'm the one ending up feeling crap now cos I didn't go with his suggestion"

His suggestion doesn't work, though?

Why do you feel crap?

Just stick with going out.

Does he support you in taking these exams?

44PumpLane · 02/09/2019 19:58

His suggestion doesn't work so why would you feel bad about it.

If he tries to make you feel bad tell him that your exams are important and if he's that fussed about it he can hire someone to paint, hire cleaners and hire caterers and then a clean for after the do- but he won't and all that will be more expensive than just going out.

BasilTheGreat · 02/09/2019 19:59

Surely your exams are more important than a confirmation. These days nobody cares anyway.

Neverender · 02/09/2019 19:59

Just say, yeah sounds great but I'll be doing everything, so no. Last time was horrible. Done.

Buddha123 · 02/09/2019 20:07

We didn't have communion as the kids are baptised church of Ireland, my dh is a non practicing Catholic, in fact he'd prefer if there was no confirmation as he thinks it's a waste of time and has no time for the church no matter what religion. This time I'll definitely be stressed as I really want to get my exams, in fairness DH is supportive of me going back to college. He's great at cooking himself but useless at cleaning or organising, thinks everything is grand or 'it'll do'.. Wouldn't notice cobwebs or dirty windows etc

OP posts:
Buddha123 · 02/09/2019 20:10

Thanks guys, I'm going to just book it, he'll soon realise my stress when the exams come around!!.. As he'll be hearing all about it.. 😂😂 He might be glad to get his dinner served then!

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