DS doesn't want dad to know his GCSE results.

[Tinkerbellone]

Been separated from abusive ExH for 10 years.
He sees children weekly.
Eldest DS has not done well in GCSE's.
He also has ASD.

DS doesn't want his dad to know the results.
Dad and I are NC and communicate via dad's partner.
Dads partner is pressuring me to tell them his results.
AIBU supporting my son or should I tell his dad? It's giving me anxiety and I have that horrible churning feeling.

I don’t think you should pressurise him at all or coerce him. Let him decide, it’s his information and his right to decide who to tell.

I wouldn’t tell him, it’s your son’s info to share and makes no difference anyway. If your ex has been abusive I would imagine that his inability to control this situation is driving him mad but that’s not your problem. He should do some soul searching to understand why your son doesn’t want him to know - sounds to me like he has sown fear into your son and now he is reaping the consequences

The OP has said that her ex is abusive. Lots of children are forced to have contact with abusive parents so the fact that he has contact is not a reliable indicator that he would be supportive.

When a child is learning to set his own boundaries and starts to resist the pressure from an abusive parent he should be supported in that.

It is his right to withhold his own personal data from anyone he chooses. This could be his first step towards recognising his father's behaviour and learning to stand up for himself. His wishes sould be validated and his rights upheld firmly.

OP, please don't try to persuade him to share this information with anyone he doesn't want to. Don't put pressure on him to accept the role of victim.

Should your 16yo son be seeing his Dad if he's scared of him? A court would allow a 16yo to choose whether or not to have contact.

Or is he more likely to tell his Dad what he got once it's sunk in a bit more? Do his siblings know? I'd be worried about them being forced to tell Dad the details.