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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let DM have DC again?

21 replies

Mummyto2munchkins · 02/09/2019 17:34

So childcare fell through DM said she would have DC till eldest started school on a Monday and Friday.
She "forgot" she was having them today when I double checked last night, but still had them eventually after explaining DD doesn't start till next week. (DS will then start nursery everyday)
She couldn't pick them up straight away as she was at her new BFs for the weekend so grandparents had them for a few hours till she got there.
Got a message saying DD (4years) refused to get out the car so she went into the shop with DS (1 years) and left DD in the car for 20 minutes by herself!
I told my manager and she allowed me to leave work to look after them as we both agreed that it wasn't on..
Also DD birthday party last weekend. She left after setting up to get her nails done as she was going nightclubbing with her new BF that night.
She complained that her ankle was swollen and has been since Thursday and she was going to go to hospital, I told her she shouldn't have gone nightclubbing apparently it wasn't painful then (2 minutes before it had been for a while!)
I told her I wasn't happy with her leaving DD in the car for 20 minutes whilst she was shopping, she said what was I meant to do in not having her kicking and hitting me. I said maybe sit with her to calm her down or explain why you needed to go shop, anything could have happened to her. She then started saying about her ankle being sore, so I said she shouldn't have gone out if it was bad, and to kit change the subject. She then said it wasn't at the shop it was outside hers and she had her eye on the car the whole time. (different story again!)
I asked DD if DN left her on her own she said yes very a very long long time. I asked her where she said at the shop.

AIBU to not let her have DC again? Can I trust her?
Like wtf! You don't leave a child in the car!

OP posts:
Conniedescending · 02/09/2019 17:36

No don't let her - sounds like she doesn't wAnt then anyway so not fair on anyone

Aquamarine1029 · 02/09/2019 17:41

Your mother is an idiot. There is NO WAY I would ever leave my children with someone so shockingly stupid and irresponsible. You know she is not a capable caregiver, so it's up to you to protect your children.

Original poster
Mummyto2munchkins · 02/09/2019 17:42

She's amazing when she's single... A man comes on the scene.. She doesn't ssnf care! I understand she has her own life to get on with, but it's not fair to drop DC like that! I also only put 2 nappies in the bag for DS. Went to get the wipes out the bag, lo and behold 2 nappies still in there, I'm not sure she's even changed him! Could literally cry right now. Both kids seem to have been neglected!

OP posts:
PlaceYourItemInTheBaggingArea · 02/09/2019 17:44

Absolutely no way, ever again!

Original poster
Mummyto2munchkins · 02/09/2019 17:44

Aqua, she's normally really good and the perfect doting nan, but since she's been with this fella she doesn't care!
Definitely don't think she's having them on her own without supervision from now on!

OP posts:
Saddler · 02/09/2019 17:49

Sounds like she's more interested in blokes

Original poster
Mummyto2munchkins · 02/09/2019 18:05

Unfortunately Saddler I think you're right!
I just don't think I can trust her now! Lying about it afterwards and changing the story/subject!

OP posts:
GibbonLover · 02/09/2019 18:05

YANBU in that she shouldn't have left DD in the car. However, the stuff about the ankle and birthday party is irrelevant. As for the nappies, you say the GPs had DS for a few hours before she showed up - is it possible they changed him?
Why was DD hitting/kicking and refusing to get out of the car?

Original poster
Mummyto2munchkins · 02/09/2019 18:17

The ankle and party I added In as it was part of the conversation about her changing the subject when asked about leaving DD in the car. (I think she wanted to stay with the BF) she changed the subject to her ankle and then changed her story, obviously trying to come up with an excuse! Nope they didn't change him. There was only 2 nappies sent with DS both them nappies still in the bag so they haven't been touched! Unsure why she didn't want to get out of the car, she drove them to hers so possibly she didn't want to go to hers and wanted to come home? (I'd given her my house key!)

OP posts:
HaileySherman · 02/09/2019 19:16

Oh my. I would have lost my mind in those circumstances. That's completely unacceptable and so very unsafe. You're right to say anything could have happened. You should not ever leave them with her again.

NoddyAndBessie · 02/09/2019 19:26

Tell her when she's looking after your bairns, its kids not cock that should be her priority.

DontGoIntoTheLongGrass · 02/09/2019 19:33

Please never leave them with her again. She sounds like she's not bothered for them but who she's seeing. They don't sound to be getting anything from the relationship. A child left in a car if it was hot could have ended much much worse Sad

Goodlookingcreature · 02/09/2019 19:35

I wouldn’t be putting myself out minding someone else’s children (for free) especially when they have no manners. Your mother is (supposed) to be the adult. Your child refused to get out of the car, that’s bratty behaviour and to be honest i wouldn’t tolerate that either, being dictated to by a child.

Original poster
Mummyto2munchkins · 02/09/2019 19:41

Good looking she drove them to hers an hour away, DD didn't want to go. (I've just asked this) I understand it's bratty but she's 4, what toddler doesn't have a tantrum? I asked her to have them at mine (and I was paying her for it!)

OP posts:
Goodlookingcreature · 02/09/2019 19:59

A 4 year old does not get to dictate as to where her caregiver takes her. She goes where she’s brought, she’s 4 for godsake. I think you’re being a little unreasonable expecting your mother to provide free child care on your terms, especially if she lives so far away.

Goodlookingcreature · 02/09/2019 19:59

Never mind I just saw you pay her

Soubriquet · 02/09/2019 20:04

Talk about irresponsible!!

No I wouldn’t let her have them on her again

She obviously can’t be trusted

Original poster
Mummyto2munchkins · 02/09/2019 20:08

So you think leaving her in a car for 20 minutes is acceptable then?

OP posts:
Goodlookingcreature · 02/09/2019 20:15

Nope but she’s not unreasonable for deciding not to sit in the car and pander to bratty behaviour. The child could either get out or sit there on her own, she got a taste of what happens when she doesn’t listen to the grown up. I wouldn’t personally have left her and wouldn’t like someone leaving a child but she wasn’t hurt and it might put some manners on her the next time she’s told to get out of the car

Soontobe60 · 02/09/2019 20:18

OP, who said she had been left in the car for 20 minutes? Also, how close to each other do you, your mother and grandparents live? You say they were at your grandparents for a few hours. I presume you took them there, your dm collected them then went back home?

Original poster
Mummyto2munchkins · 02/09/2019 20:32

DM told me.
Grandparents are 2 minute drive from my house. DM 45 minutes away.
Yeah I walked the kids up this morning, DM collected from grandparents. (paternal grandparents to DC)

OP posts:
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