Post maternity leave - Failing at my job

[3LoudBoys]

I have been back at work 16 months now but I am just failing. Not understanding the new systems, unable to meet deadlines, not able to pass my accreditation.

Before maternity leave I was good! Not brilliant but definitely better than this. 😭

My working pattern has remained the same, no change there. I am just failing and can't put my finger on why. My bosses sympathy has run out and I feel additional training options have already been used.

Any advice?

Would it help to go part-time? Or would that just mean more juggling?

I have to say I have three DCs and have to work really hard to be on top of stuff at work. Things that would have been a doddle before require a lot more concentration. My memory is not good and I have to write absolutely everything down. My boss after I returned from maternity leave was really supportive and said it would be better when I was less tired as my youngest got older. I’m not sure that’s the case tbh, and manage by writing everything down to refer back to as necessary. I feel I’m still good at my job and bring a lot to it, but I have had to develop strategies to try to get on top of everything. I have found it hard to meet deadlines, but that has been linked with me trying to do work which is more than ‘good enough’ - and my boss says I need to be better at matching the scope of work to the resources I have.

Would your boss be open to reviewing your workload in the short-term?

Is it the workload that’s the problem? I’m not really seeing how going part time is going to make it easier to get to grips with a system that you are having difficulty understanding.

Do you generally find new systems easy to learn? Did you go back when you were still sleep deprived and get your training on the new system when you weren’t really up for taking it all in?

Are there opportunities to move to a company that uses the old system you were used to? Or to change to something different?

Following with interest as I have actual nightmares about going back to work!

Do you feel tired? What’s your sleeping pattern like since baby arrived - has it settled or still fairly disrupted?

I feel tired all the time. My husband and I have not got on well since our third baby. It's like my brain has no space to put new information about systems. ☹️

I remember changing jobs (internally at the same company) when my DD was two years old and my DS was six.
It took me ages to learn the new systems and it didn’t help that my manager gave me projects not involving the systems even though they were essential to day to day work. I also couldn’t stay longer like the other newbies due to nursery pick ups and my memory was rubbish.
What helped me was total exposure to the new systems, getting challenged on them and just spending time working things out. Also, writing everything down as someone says above, but not in a notebook but electronically, so that it’s easier to find again and arrange. We used One Note.

Do the systems have online tutorials you can go over? Generally though, after using them a lot it eventually sinks in, but having electronic notes could help you.

Obviously having DC is tiring but have you had a general health check, iron levels for example. Do you get any time to do something for yourself. I work almost full time and find exercise vital for helping me de-stress and energise for example, helping me clear my brain.

One of my team has been back nine months and I know she finds things more difficult than she used to - she’s being pulled in more directions, her attention is partly (quite rightly) on her family and she is just more tired than she was pre-baby. It’s tough!

We have the ability to be able to work from home on our role, so what she does is sometimes work shorter days in the office and then makes up the time in the evenings and weekends - her choice, I might add, but finds doing shorter, more focused chunks of work is helpful. Is that something you could think about? Not necessarily that working pattern, but an alternative pattern of working that suits your life better?

3LoudBoys, I also had relationship problems and a challenging new role returning from mat leave (where I never really felt I was meeting expectations).

I paid for private counselling and it was very helpful in de-escalating and untangling my feelings and providing me with the emotional support I was not getting in my relationship at that time. It was expensive, but a lifeline and also helped to improve the relationship ultimately. Are you getting any rest? Any chance of asking friends or family for some proper time off?

As a pp mentioned I found I had to develop new strategies to be on top of things. Like using a task management system and packing my bag the night before. If you're struggling with the new system you could explore memory techniques? Is it a well known system that might have books or resources available, e.g. on youtube MOOC training courses etc. that you could do at home to properly try to embed the information.

it's very stressful, I hope you feel better soon.

Look for a new, less demanding job?

Hi. With three babies and you finding it tough with OH am guessing reason you are struggling is you are super-tired. Which affects learning!!! So assuming you can’t reduce hours or find a new job easily and you need the job .. (And maybe check with GP if any underlying health problems tho guessing you just knackered)
So with my manager hat on I would say good worker historically this must be fixable and so...
every day take 5 minutes in every hour to do the following

• 1. go back to basics. Review one aspect of the system and make sure you can do it. Practice each bit 3 times and write it down

1. Every time you make an error/ forget something write it down and mid way through the day work out the right answer (take 15 minutes of your lunch to do this if you have one)

If your manager is sympathetic tell them you are doing this because you really want to improve (and if they aren’t it will Make it harder for them to get rid of you) Try this for 8 weeks which is a meaningful amount of time and If that doesn’t work then reconsider different job And a big hug - 3 kids and a job is really hard - am in awe you are even getting into work

Be kind to yourself bringing up 3 children is a full time job in its self! You still have 3 extra schedules to manage, all the housework and life admin ( hate that phrase!) To sort and work on top. Thats without the impact of sleep deprivation. It's no wander so many people leave their job or search for one at a lower level of demand post maternity.

I for one have really struggled with managing on 5 hours broken sleep as my child wakes ridiculously early. Pre children if you had a busy weekend on the go and a week of broken sleep you would not expect to be 100% on the ball. We expect so much of ourselves.

I would suggest taking the pressure of yourself at home as much as possible. Ask for help from relatives e.g. babysitting, get a cleaner or at least make sure housework is 50/50 split. You.dont sound like you get and recovery time x

Do you really have to stay in this job? Couldn't you be a bit kinder to yourself? Could you do something easier for a few years, then return to your career if/when you want to?

I'm a qualified accountant currently working in a shop in evenings/weekends (thus avoiding childcare costs) and doing one day a week accounting. Since having dd two years ago, there's no way I could do my previous full-time accountancy tasks to an acceptable standard!

Take a bit of time this weekend to see how much of your home admin etc can be automated, shared, outsourced etc. Make sure your DH is carrying some of the mental load, if you can.
e.g.
We have
-an annual planner on the wall with all term dates.
-A day by day breakdown of start/finish times uniform, kit and clubs (Monday DS1 8am start uniform and sports kit etc)
-A weekly planner where all appointments for the week are written.
-all bills are paid by DD and finances are reviewed once a month

• all annual bills and events like holiday have a budget and are saved for monthly
• clothes laid out the night before and when they were in nursery I had nursery clothes (informal uniform -stuff that could be trashed) so I didn’t have to think.

Could you use a washing and ironing service

How are your mornings? I find starting the day off stressed when you’re tired means I just don’t get in the right mindset to focus.

Rigorously plan your morning routine, with both of you pulling your weight, kids expected to sort themselves (with prompting) if old enough. Clothes out the night before, check weather report, prepare lunch before you go to bed or take the financial hit and buy it for now. Accept you might need to go to bed not long after the kids for a while. Take an hour at the weekend to just go for a walk by yourself and breathe.

Take as much pressure off yourself in other areas of your life may help you focus more at work.

Ultimately think about if this job is one you want to stay at this role. Not everyone has the luxury of just leaving or staying at home but you need to have a plan for if you do get managed out. Having an escape plan helped me when I was struggling as it took the pressure off knowing what I’d do if the worst happened.

Equally when I wasn’t in a position to leave have the cold hard financial facts in front of me cut through that fog and helped me come up with a ‘recovery’ plan that I could present in my review.

I had a hard time going back after maternity. I started a new contract in a senior role and was working full time (plus lots of extra hours from home). Couple that with a baby not sleeping through the night and I felt hungover going to work each day. I ended up at breaking point.

I ended up dropping to four days per week to help me have more time with my son but it wasn't enough. The company was generally unsupportive of flexible working so I decided to leave. I found a much less stressful job and felt tons better. (I actually started this full time, as it's so difficult to find part time in my sector. I dropped hours longer term, but even full time it was miles better!) Note, I also decided at that point to move into a sector which was known for supporting flexible/remote working which made a MASSIVE difference.

So, in short I'd be considering if going part time is an option or if starting to look for another role is a better option for you.

It's also worth adding, my DS is now 6 and the hell I went through at the time all feels like a distant memory. Since he's been at school in particular, I've felt more able to focus on my career again. I guess what I'm saying is it's not going to be forever. You need to be kind to yourself in particular when your children are young and you're not sleeping!

Everyone here giving you really good advice - so only look at mine if you are really stuck

Adding to Chaz’s excellent list, we also do a weekly meal plan before going shopping and add it to the calendar so we remember to get things out the freezer to defrost. Don’t have to worry about what we’re eating each evening and because all activities/appointments/ late meetings are in the calendar we can make sure we tailor it to fit.

Thank you all so much for taking the time to comment. I have a meeting with my boss this afternoon to talk through further steps.

How did you get on @3LoudBoys?

He was actually nice and understanding about it this time, so different to the previous meeting.

I set out some steps to help me improve (making system notes, extra checks on my work, moving desks so less chatting, tick lists).

That all went down well. I still need to prove myself and as someone said above, the harsh reality of not having the job is enough to make me want to fight hard to keep it.

Looking at simplifying things at home too, thanks for all your suggestions on this. I get no extra help and never take time for myself or do any exercise. I think this could also be a turning point.

Glad to hear your chat was positive 🌷

I had a feeling you were spinning too many plates. One of the issues I found when I was overloaded with home admin as well as work, is that you start looking for downtime in work. So you chat with your colleagues because you have so little time for yourself outside of work. That gets noticed as not working.

Yes you are so right! No time to talk to friends outside work so trying to get those relationships inside work. So interesting you said that.