In thinking I might be a woman with Asperger's?

[TalentedMsRipley]

I've felt slightly different most of my life. Extreme shyness as a child, followed by severe anxiety then depression for years and years, which I am on SSRIs for.
I have daily problems where I don't always understand what people are saying or "getting at." As I've got older though, I've learnt to read between the lines.

I have this weird thing that I worry makes me look stupid.. I can't make the link between things, eg someone at work will tell me my car windows are open, but it won't occur to me that they're telling me that because it's raining. Someone can say that the tills in the canteen are broken but I won't make the link that this means there's no lunch.

I hate physical touch, find it hard to touch my kids etc.

Aibu to try to get tested?

not unreasonable at all to get tested, do it and put your mind at rest so you are not worrying

Ok, thanks for reply.

It won't do you any harm to chat to your GP and see if they think it's worth a referral. I've just been referred for assessment after going through DS1's assessment as it was them that mentioned they thought it was highly likely that I was autistic. Like you I've always felt a bit different and never really "get" why people say certain things or sarcasm. Cannot bare to be touched much, having kids has been very hard on that. They don't diagnose Aspergers anymore though, it'll be autism if anything.
Good luck.

Oh, I'd heard that actually.

My dad had full blown asperger's and my daughter does too- can it run in families?

Yes, it runs in families. Worth asking for a referral but in much of the country adult referrals just end up in a long waiting list forever, unless you are having other problems too.

So possibly more useful looking into coping mechanisms for Aspies, as a diagnosis won't give you that. Pacing yourself, accepting you like different things to others, etc.

Yes, it can run in families. I had been alerted by DB2 that his psychiatrist thought he had ASD. He and I are very alike and even people who love us dearly think we're weird. I was misled in that I thought people with Asperger's were unemotional, unable to be intimate. But it's not true of me or my brother. I'm useless at small talk but my DF says I have gift for intimacy.

Because of my DB2 I was already suspicious when I saw a thread on MN about someone's husband. Other posters were suggesting ASD and I totally recognized parts of myself.

Went to my GP, outlined my suspicions, and he referred me straight away. After weeks of exhaustive tests I was diagnosed. I'm now waiting to see the ASD team who will teach me strategies to better manage my issues. My main one is impaired executive function. I live in total chaos despite my best efforts. OK, there's nearly a year's wait but at least I'm on the list.

So go and ask to be assessed. It's that simple. Just knowing has been a massive help and explains so much. I also suffer from chronic depression and anxiety, a lot of which I think is brought on by my ASD.

Do it, what have you got to lose?

I’ve just been referred for assessment (could be a long road with the waiting list) in my mid 40s, after a lifetime of difficulties.

I would put 50p on both my parents and one of my brothers having it. We’re an odd bunch.

So possibly more useful looking into coping mechanisms for Aspies, as a diagnosis won't give you that.

Except that where I live a diagnosis gets you referred to a team who teach you coping strategies, plus occupational health and I now have a support worker for various problems I have accessing services. All the support I'm getting is as a result of the diagnosis. OK, I have to wait for some of the help but I'll get seen eventually.

Thanks for the help, all.

I've definitely "something" - suffered horrific constant anxiety throughout childhood as just couldn't navigate daily life/society at all, as never understood how to behave, what you're supposed to say, idioms were an absolute nightmare. It took years and years to learn how to watch people and mimic their behaviour, so now I get it mostly right but it's so exhausting. Eye contact- maximum 3 seconds, look away, eye contact 3 seconds, look away etc. I also think only in "stŕaight lines", so if dh for example asks me to do something I take it literally, and so many times he's looked at me like what on earth did you do that? But it's because he didn't specify exavtly what needed doing. I'm not explaining it well, but I still find navigating social things very difficult a d draining because sometimes I just miss things. I'm not sure what the point would be with getting tested though.

@Prawnofthepatriarchy, oh, I had no idea that's what might happen- in that case, a diagnosis would be beneficial.

How DO they test for it, out of interest ?

Definitely worth getting yourself assessed. My DH was diagnosed last year and it’s literally changed his life.

How much help to get will depend on where you live. We live in Wales which has recently launched an integrated autism service, which means you can self-refer for assessment. They also provide lots of support etc.

But even if there is less support available in your area, I think it’s worth getting assessed. If you get a diagnosis and decide to share that with your employer, they’ll have a legal duty to make “reasonable adjustments” to make it easier for you to work (if needed). For example, in my DH’s case his employer has agreed to let him work from home more often, have flexible hours and to limit the number of meetings he has to attend, as he finds those extremely draining.

We live in Wales which has recently launched an integrated autism service, which means you can self-refer for assessment. They also provide lots of support etc.

Lots of support, really? Are you speaking from experience (as in has your husband actually gotten any support from the IAS) or are you just going by what they claim to offer?
If where you live in Wales they do offer lots of support (or any really) you obviously don't live in the same part of Wales I do. So far with the IAS my experience has been terrible, bad admin (they lost my paperwork twice), long waiting lists, not enough staff and to add insult to injury I got a pathetic "here's a list of resources you might find helpful or get support from whilst you languish on our waiting list" letter from them.
I kid you not, they listed themselves on their "list of other resources you can access whilst you wait." And the rest of the list was stuff any idiot could find on the internet.

My dad had full blown asperger's

What's that supposed to mean? "Full blown"??? It's not a disease.

JenMayer you sound angry.

JenMayer you sound angry.

It's Jan, not Jen.
And yes, I'm angry, I make no apologies for that. It's kind of hard to be an autistic adult and not be angry with the way things are. Ignorance from medical professionals, crap from the DWP and no support despite the Welsh government promising that would be happening. Wouldn't you be angry?
And no, i don't like people talking about Aspergers like a disease. It's a disability, obviously. But words like "full blown" make it sound like a disease.

Bit of a hijack, sorry OP. It's definitely related though. My DD is 6 and I have suspected she was autistic (Aspergers traits and related difficulties) since she was around 18 months. It is more obvious the older she gets. She works with a brilliant lady as part of the Thrive initiative but has had no formal testing or diagnosis as it is purely social/emotional issues and understanding which Thrive is really helping with. I don't feel it's beneficial yet for her to be diagnosed although I'll definitely go down that route when she gets to year 6 and the secondary transition as I feel (working in a pastoral role in a grammar myself where most of our SEN kids have adhd or autism) that it is very beneficial to have that understanding and help in secondary.
My question to autistic adults is, what is your opinion? Would she be better diagnosed sooner rather than.later? I think being labeled as different would be detrimental at the moment as she doesn't need any particular help that she can't get now without diagnosis. I just think drawing her attention to it as an issue would be a bad thing at the moment as she's getting more confidence all the time. Am I wrong? What would you do?

Hey,

I don't know what your financial situation is but if you can afford it I heartily, heartily recommend going private. Firstly, because there will be no waiting list, no justifying yourself to a ton of people who can be homder you at any stage (it's not unlikely that you could get a GP or a someone on the referral team who thinks you're being unreasonable or exaggerating- the lack of understanding of autism in the NHS is still absolutely astounding, imo), but also because autism manifests and is diagnosed differently in women than in men, and most diagnostic approaches and understandings, again, unless you go to a specialist women-oriented service, will most likely look to assess you by the male criteria, which won't help you any. Look into the Lorna Wong Centre for Autism in London- it's a specialist service for diagnosing women of any age, and they have the most brilliant specialists. Not only will they diagnose, they'll give you a play by play of what to do next (what kind of support you can access, what might help your daily life, etc.) Its not cheap- Iif I remember right it set me back almost £2000, but it was definitely so worth it. Not least because where I live, the waiting list for an NHS autism diagnosis is measured in years. Which might also be something you wanted to look into, because waiting lists vary dramatically in different areas. Hope you find what you're looking for! In solidarity- fellow aspie.

Our DC2 has been diagnosed. I wasn’t sure what the benefit of diagnosis would be as not likely to get an EHCP( similar to old statement of SEN).

We decided to go ahead with a private diagnosis for closure for DC2. Once traits became apparent, we felt quite strongly that it would be a relief for all of us to have some answers and easier to understand the reasons for certain reactions and types of behaviour. I don’t feel a sense of anything other than relief as I suspected. I and members of my immediate family show traits of ASD, and there is certainly some pattern of inheritance. I think if you feel diagnosis might help because you’ll have an answer, then diagnosis may be helpful, if you want ways to help you manage then coping strategies for Aspergers might be more useful. Just having a diagnosis won’t help with coping with life if you see what I mean.

I'm in my early 50s and got diagnosed earlier this year. It was via the NHS so it took over a year from my initial visit to my gp to final diagnosis but it was worth it.

I haven't had any follow-up support but I found the assessment process very therapeutic and cathartic. So many things about me now make sense.

From what you've written in your op (especially the examples about missing the implications of what people have told you when they don't bother spelling out what they really mean) I'd say a diagnosis is worth pursuing.

if theres a family history, as well as you feeling the way you do, I think theres a strong possibility.
I have aspergers too. x

Thanks Sionna x