Relatives hate parents but want to be close to me

[barniee]

My extended family is EXTREMELY dysfunctional. When I was younger I often saw my aunts, uncles, grandparents and parents arguing with each other (sometimes all at once).

My immediate family dynamics are far healthier. I get on well with my siblings and parents. We enjoy each others company. We've had to work hard to get to a good place (redundancies, mum's illness etc).

My extended family have essentially said they're done with my parents but want my siblings and me to make an effort with them independently. I don't particularly like any extended family member - very difficult to forget how they've insulted/upset my parents (on this side). Surely they must recognise this. It's all just very awkward. I'm not saying my parents are blameless but they've gone above and beyond to provide for me.

I live a very busy life and when I have time I prefer to spend time doing things and being around people that make me feel good. AIBU to distance myself heavily from my extended family.

We come from a culture (think Greece, Italy etc) where family is everything.

YANBU. They didn’t put family first when cutting off your parents. If ‘family is everything ‘ you are allowed to choose your parents over them. Don’t be guilted into anything.

YANBU

Spend time with those you love, who are a peaceful and positive influence on your life.

cut this nonsense out of your life, life is too short for these needless dramas.

As an adult I decided I could now pick and choose who I want to spend time with. So rarely saw extended family (equally dysfunctional 🙄) except at major functions. I've had all sorts thrown at me at times because of this choice - but I don't give a shit because I don't respect them or their opinions!

My extended family have essentially said they're done with my parents but want my siblings and me to make an effort with them independently.

Bully for them. Who put them in charge, though?

How and when was this command delivered?

It's likely they just want to maintain regular contact with you because it's a dig at your parents every time you're spending time with the extended family, and not your parents. Expect it to be all over social media etc.

I wouldn't allow myself to be used to hurt my parents, by people I don't really like.

Maintain as much contact as you feel is necessary.

You only get to live once. Spend time with people who are nice to you.