In asking for help in reaching out after a bereavement?

[DayDreamer387]

Hi everyone,

I am just asking for advice, as I am struggling a little bit after a family bereavement. A grandparent, who was one of my biggest supporters in my quite divided and conflicted family passed away earlier in the summer.

I have been struggling quite a bit since, and have spiraled quite a bit – both with starting to eat junk food again, and feeling very low and numb in general. I don’t have parents I can really talk to about this – my dad left when I was 13 and my mum is hard to speak to about this, as she has her own concerns.

I am just asking on here for some advice on reaching out to people for some support. I am at University and have some assessments coming up. Unfortunately, over the summer, I have felt so numb on days that I have found it difficult to prepare for it.

I have an appointment with my GP tomorrow to discuss. He’s very supportive, but I am really going to be honest with him tomorrow about how I am feeling (shutting myself off).

I have a condition called Aspergers Syndrome that makes it quite hard for me to reach out to people. I am at home at the moment and all of my friends are scattered around the country. Many who I have on Social Media have said that I can ‘always’ speak to them (and will even meet up with me), but I am just struggling (as I always do) with how to initiate the conversation – particularly if we haven’t spoke for a bit. I would really like to reach out, and really would appreciate any tips in drafting a brief message that could help me initiate conversation through Facebook messenger.

Quite recently, I have become so introverted on myself that I have become very self-critical – particularly on the days that I am feeling so numb. I have got to the point where I have submitted Subject Access Requests to every organisation that I work with, as I feel that I have become such a failure that they are all going to turn against me and drop me from being their ambassador, or the University have turned against me. I will mention this to my GP tomorrow.

Please could I have some help in reaching out?

Anyone??

I'm so sorry for your loss Daydreamer. It sounds like you really could do with some support and it's good that you gave a GP's appointment tomorrow.

Have you considered contacting the Bereavement charity CRUSE? (sorry not to link - my phone won't copy it for some reason but it's cruse.org.uk)

I think you've done a really good job of reaching out in your post so maybe you could use that as a basis for a messenger message to someone who's offered support. Is there someone at University you can speak to too? It might be a good idea to let them know you're having a tough time so it can be taken into consideration for your assessments.

Also, there's a Bereavement board on MN somewhere I just can't remember which section (maybe Body and Soul?).

I hope you find some help.

Mmmmhhh

You have friends who know you better than anyone on here who have asked you to talk to them.

This would be a great move at this point.

On here you are very anonymous and no-one wants to say the wrong thing but doesn't really appreciate enough about your situation to say the right thing.

Other things to think of are specialist support sites such as cruise who do know better than most of us to understand your situation.

Please reach out to either friends or specialist support. Mumsnet is great but is not ideal for you at this moment

I have not always found friends in general to be very supportive about bereavement. A pp has mentioned CRUSE. If you can access any counselling service - the Samaritans even - I think that might be more supportive. But of course there is nothing wrong with answering honestly if anyone asks "how are you?" "I'm really missing X at the moment actually, it's a bit of a struggle". Give yourself time to grieve, you don't have to be exactly the same as before you know.

When you are back at Uni speak to your course leader and make sure they are aware of your loss. They can point you to counselling and support services within the Uni itself.