Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still love twee things over the age of 30 and how to tone it down.

27 replies

tweebookworm · 01/09/2019 22:01

I am in my 30s and still drawn to anything twee, girly, and frilly like a magpie. Granted I am in my early 30s but I do at times still wonder how I come across to other people. There is not an item in my wardrobe that is not pink, cream or white and pretty much everything has bows, peter pan collar, beads, lace, flowers, tulle, and in either pastels or cream/white. 70% of my summer wardrobe that I have added this year are from ted baker. Even books, movies, and music that I like can be described as twee.

I do very much realise that my style is influenced by the way young women dress in Japan, Korea, China or Taiwan though I would say the Japanese super feminine and girly.

My problem is I do realise it really makes me stand out from other people and feel very self conscious about it. I also worry about coming across as ditzy or vapid when this is really not the case. I did the IB and studied english lit at uni but people still can talk in a bit of a patronising talk to me especially during more deep discussions. I want to try tone it down a bit, I tried change my style and failed as I just did not feel like me at all so was hoping for some advice.

OP posts:
TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 01/09/2019 22:03

What about changing your silhouette rather than the colour/pattern palette?

At the end of the day though, it's your choice and what makes you comfortable. I tried to be more "grown up" but I'm currently sitting in ripped lace goth leggings with a half shaved head and pink hair so what do I know?!

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 01/09/2019 22:04

Oh, and I'm 37.

MrsElizabethShelby · 01/09/2019 22:11

I have the opposite problem OP, I do not feel like I express who I am anymore.
It makes me unhappy but I am worried to change incase it makes me look less grown up and together.
We need to stop caring so much about what other people think about us. Life is far to short to conform to what we feel others find acceptable (as long as your decent of course, no bedroom attire in the office! 😂)

AfterSchoolWorry · 01/09/2019 22:14

Your style sounds gorgeous. Don't change, just be yourself.

BanginChoons · 01/09/2019 22:16

When did you start to feel self conscious and why? I don't see why you would need to change. You need to learn to give less fucks not "dress your age". Who even gets to decide what women should dress like at what age anyway? Be yourself.

Bookworm4 · 01/09/2019 22:20

If you feel self conscious why do you dress in a way that attracts attention? Your influences are very much popular with teenagers.

Ohyesiam · 01/09/2019 22:21

Op, unless it somehow makes you unemployable, stick to what you love, you’d be doing yourself a different disservice otherwise.

I went to an event where two women were doing a presentation. One had a neon pink rubber T-shirt, a tiny skirt, ripped lace tights and army boots. The other had a sensible bun, a blouse with a big frothy now at the neck and a midi length floral skirt. They were both really impressive, but the second one took no prisoners and REALLY kicked ass. If I’d ever been tempted to judge a book by its cover , I certainly never did again!

Please be yourself. I’m so bored of every one being a bloody clone.
My dd wears only Adidas and Nike. I call the Nike logo the tick box of conformity.
You sound like a breath of fresh air.

twolobsters · 01/09/2019 22:22

Don't change!

Stuckforthefourthtime · 01/09/2019 22:23

I'd not be concerned about your style, but mentioning your high school qualification seems very unusual for someone over 21, let alone 10 years past that... Hmm

pennypineapple · 01/09/2019 22:25

I'd say wear what you like OP and if anyone dares to judge you, more fool them.

Does it affect you at work? That's the only time I could ever really see it being an issue.

Dementornator · 01/09/2019 22:27

Oh don’t change! There’s too many people who follow the celeb look these days. In my town, everyone looks the same! Be proud to dress unique.

Nicetablecloth · 01/09/2019 22:28

I'd not be concerned about your style, but mentioning your high school qualification seems very unusual for someone over 21, let alone 10 years past that

I totally disagree, it's relevant to the way people perceive the OP.

PinkBuffalo · 01/09/2019 22:29

Another one to add just be yourself Smile
I am in my 30s and also don't conform! My house currently has several soft toys lying around and two scented pillow pets in my bed! Granted these bring me massive comfort (I suffered a lot of trauma the last couple of years or so and the scented pets help me sleep...) but I know it must come across as a bit weird, but one of my friends said whatever it takes to make me feel settled and at the moment they do. I like to dress in bright colours and friends can spot me walking to the gym a mile off.
We are all weird and wonderful and as long as it's not hurting you or anyone else we should embrace our uniqueness Smile

AriadneCrete · 01/09/2019 22:30

What’s wrong with Ted Baker?! I have a lot of clothes from there and I wouldn’t say my style is twee.

OP, be confident and wear what you want. Be assertive and don’t let people patronise you.

WhoTellsYourStory · 01/09/2019 22:32

Could’ve written this post. I’m a lawyer and I regularly take my fluffy pen to meetings, Elle Woods style. I’ve given up caring what people think of me. I’m good at my job, and pretty twee things (the Mary Berry cookware range, oh my beating heart!) make me happy. Just do you!

DollyRose · 01/09/2019 22:35

I think your describing me 😂 This is my style to a tee. But I always get stopped and complimented on my style /ask were an item is from. Why conform if it's what you like?

which1 · 01/09/2019 22:40

You wardrobe sounds rather pretty to me?

Care to share some pictures of some sample items?

PS don't you own any (blue) jeans even?

Adreamaday · 01/09/2019 22:43

"Be yourself everyone else is taken" oscar wilde. Really don't be any less than who you are.

Original poster
tweebookworm · 01/09/2019 22:50

@Stuckforthefourthtime I just mentioned it as some people due to the way I dress seem to think i am some ditz when that is just not the case that is all.

@Bookworm4 because it is what I personally find pretty and fits my personality and makes me feel me I guess

@Ohyesia , @pennypineapple no it does not affect my work at all it's more when I go out in general especially at debate events I go to with my fiance where I feel a bit out of place. I try to join in and ask questions if i can get my courage up but I just worry that I come across as if I am bit infantile at first impressions. I do also at times get the impression some people that don't know me that well have the tendecy to treat me like a child at times etc if that makes any sense. Not in a mean way but for example pay for my drinks or food but not accepting the same if I try to return the favour, or being more helpful to me then one normally is towards and adult.

@BanginChoons It started back in school. Once I left I felt more free to express myself. I am getting married next year so will be TTC after that so have been starting to worry again what impression I make.

OP posts:
Amibeingnaive · 01/09/2019 22:52

I wear mostly animal print. Leopard, tiger, zebra, snake, cow... you name it, I've got it. I wear something animal print every, single day.

Some people violently dislike it and make assumptions about the type of people who wear a lot of it...

Some people are idiots who are so parochial as to buy into a tired stereotype for the lazy thinker.

That old chestnut about not judging a book by its cover? There's something to be said about it.

Wherearemycrayons · 01/09/2019 22:53

Your wardrobe sounds like a dream Grin

Original poster
tweebookworm · 01/09/2019 22:56

thank you so much for all the support. I know I should feel more confident in my skin and I am working on it. I unfortunately don't have pictures of the clothes myself lol not cataloged my clothes ever. These replies have given me some comfort that I might not be judged as harshly as I think I am lol

OP posts:
Atalune · 01/09/2019 23:05

Well if it bothers you, then maybe make one small change?

But honestly you have a style and and identity and I think that’s fabulous!

If you did want to make a small change then maybe something like.....

A pretty pink/ floral dress but with a plain denim jacket? Or a peterpan collar top, worn with a pair of jeans? So something a bit more neutral and androgynous? Instead of a dainty handbag, maybe a more functional leather backpack?

I lived in japan and I know exactly the sub culture of kawai girls you’re talking about. And the pink girly look certainly extended to how they behaved- demure, docile, sweet, as well as how they were treated- gently, like a child. It is definitely not the norm though!

LegArmpits · 01/09/2019 23:08

I bought my second pair of burger Vans today (my others wore through I love them so much.) I also got a pair of Baron Von Fancy Vans with ridiculous phrases on.
I'm 45 and back to work in school tomorrow.
Don't grow up! There's no point!

VladmirsPoutine · 01/09/2019 23:12

Don't change. I wear skinny jeans and blazers so nothing quite as outlandish as yourself but the main point is that I feel like 'myself'. I wear a lot of military style and feel great doing so. Don't change your style. However, if you feel it is inappropriate for work or whatever then have a look at that but all else being equal enjoy your peter pan collars!