When did you get over your ex?

[giantnannyknickers]

I've been through the horrors with my ex, we have two kids together. He left me at the start of my second pregnancy for a 22 year old french student, as a result I ended up giving birth on my own in a foreign country. He laundered money out of our joint business, was financially abusive, narcissistic and gave my job to his now fiancé and dragged us through 1 year of family court. My kids are 3 & 1.

Today I drove past him and his fiancé and my two kids out on a family day and it absolutely broke my heart so see them as a family and so happy.

I'd give anything to have a solid family unit and do stuff with the kids together.

I then went and stupidly checked her Instagram profile and her main image is her and my baby boy :( (I know I shouldn't have checked)

And it just dawned on me I still miss him. Reality says he treated you like crap but my heart wants a solid family unit and I get so sad. I really miss him. I'm pretty happy in other parts of my life.

Just wondering if there's any hope for me getting over this? We are nearly 2 years separated and I've already done 1 year of counselling.

AIBU by still caring?

I was alone with my wee one when she was born, I remember weeping seeing a happy family walking along swinging their child between them. I thought I’d never have that. Fast forward a few years and I’m now married to a really wonderful kind person who is the best to my child and me. Life gets better.

@Craftylittlething yeah that's it seeing other families together breaks my heart. And especially seeing him so happy with someone else. Why wasn't I good enough. And it's sooooo hard with two small kids on my own.

I'm glad you got your happy ending. I'm not so sure there's one out there for me.

It still pangs nearly 3 years old thinking of them being one big happy family BUT I know I am better now than I ever was with him

Honestly it took me about ten years to get over one of my exes. I moved on reasonably after about two years, had other boyfriends, got married, had a family...I didn't want him back but I had nightmares about the sense of betrayal for a very long time.

This is so familiar to many of us. I get that 'family unit' thing. It's really hard to not have it and see other people with it. perhaps it's the family thing you want more than him? I think that's what it was with me, I think like with so much tough stuff in life, you have to learn to live with it, live life around it whilst hoping for better days.

Not much to offer, but just to say I remember what it felt like and still feels like to some degree and my kids are now 25 and 21

@Nautiloid yeah I totally get that! It's the betrayal of the dream.

@McHorace sometimes I think I miss the idea but I do miss him too. He wasn't all bad. I miss having a cuddle or someone asking how my day was or being happy to see me.

The thought of not being able to move on from this, after 2 years and possibly having a life time of this is terrifying.

Was thinking about this earlier. The betrayal of the dream. I'm over him but will never get over that. Being a single parent from birth is incredibly tough and if anything I'm angry at him for leaving me to drown. 4 years in and I'm nowhere.

When I was on the rebound dating around younger men a few months after we split tbh. But then I'd checked out long before we seperated.

@ChocolateCakeAndRainbows I feel you girl! And it's a killer when you see other families together enjoying family days out.

I think for me personally I still loved him when we broke up. I just can't believe he wouldn't fight for his family.

@raspberryk I can't imagine going dating for a long long time, especially with such young kids but maybe the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else

I was dating when mine were 5 months and 3.5, gave me something to do when they had time with their dad, we split when they baby was 10 weeks old.
And yes I think getting under someone else can certainly help, I think 18 months or so is definitely time to have picked yourself up and got on with getting your life together how you want it.
In the 4 years I've been seperated I've sold the family home, went back to college to get the qualification I need to go to uni and completed the first year of my degree. I also bought a house on my own, and met my partner who's been living with us for a year.
I think all those things just helped me prove I could do it alone and I'm still able to find a loving relationship.

@raspberryk I guess I feel like I'm doing someone a disservice now if I was to start dating as I'm not fully healed. But maybe your right, maybe I should try dating again. I was going to leave it go a few years:

Well done for accomplishing so much! It must be so satisfying to know you can do it on your own. I'd love to get a degree too.

I always made it clear at that time I wasn't dating for anything serious, most men on line dating aren't to be honest. I met my current partner at a wedding, go to college or uni, you may meet someone that way.
You can do it, just believe in yourself. I think if you concentrate on yourself and your goals you get over them quicker.