My mums a snob

[Osc70]

My mum thinks that I shouldn’t be friends with people who aren’t my type ? She uses the words common and lower class. I think people should have a wide circle of friends not a certain type.
Is this a class thing due to mum being a certain age mid 70’s ??

My mum used to say things were common too so it’s very much a generation thing. Class is a constant topic of conversation on MN.

I think it probably is. My mum, dead now but would have been in her 70s now, was a dreadful snob. Obsessed with "social status" as she called it, and racist too. I learned to just ignore it because she would never listen to reason.

I don’t think it’s an age thing. I know school mums who say that.

My MIL is that age and is the opposite, says everyone thinks they are better than her and the are “snobs” and “stuck up”. She called me stuck up for having linen napkins 😂

I think it’s sad more than anything, she must be quite an insecure person if she’s so worried about how her friendships are perceived, and her daughter’s by extension. It’s also sad to potentially exclude great people from your life because they don’t fit a preconceived idea of the type of people you think you should be mixing with.

It depends on what she is judging them by though. Drug dealers, criminals, she’s got a point, though she shouldn’t have a say whether they are your type or not, they might be. Someone on benefits, uneducated, doesn’t work... I dong agree, but if that’s who she thinks is common, that’s her view.

🤷🏻‍♀️

Is she posh?

My mother was obsessed with this stuff but we're common as muck

My MIl doesn’t speak to people who she thinks are snobs. That would include you hardrain 😁. So it works both ways.

I'd also take it as class insecurity and how you and her are perceived.

I don't think it's an age/ generational thing, my mum is the same thing and thinks she is far less posh than she is! Equally you'll get younger people with far more snobby attitudes.

You can be a dick at any age.

It’s important to some people, what others think, and not to others.

I made a new friend recently who is very anxious and needs constant reassurance. She makes remarks about things not being done correctly (though doesn’t judge nastily, it’s more of a what is the world coming to mentality) but it could come across as snobbery I suppose.

I’m laid back and I’d love to speak to her about her insecurities but I can’t in case I embarrass her.

If your mum is mid 70s, how old does that make you?
You could be anywhere from 30 to 50, on average.
It's a shame you haven't managed to sort this out sooner.

Has it suddenly become a problem?

LaMarschallin Maybe the op has only just started having “unsavoury” friends that her mum knows about?

Yes, of course, PalmersGreen.
It just seems sad that a person of OP's (putative) age worries about what her mother thinks of her friends.
I'm sure she (OP) is trying to nice to everyone and that can be tricky.

My mum is in her mid-70s and isn’t in the slightest bit snobby and nor are most of her friends. And I also know people my age (43) and younger who are appalling snobs with attitudes like your mum’s - so I don’t think it’s a generational thing.

I would imagine that you yourself are rather old enough to make your own mind up?

If I had to be called anything I would prefer posh or snob to being called lower class and or scruff.

LaMarschallin some mothers install the buttons so they know which ones to press.

Belittling her reaction isn’t the way to go.

Don’t people tend to gravitate to people with who they have most in common?

with WHOM

MN is full of wannabe middle class like your mum OP