To think ex shouldn't need this much of a hand hold to take the kids overnight

[handknittedchicken]

Ex moved back into the area about a year ago and has since been making more of an effort to see the kids regularly (before she only saw them maybe half a dozen times a year for the last couple of years)

She has talked about having the kids overnight loads since she first moved back but never actually started to do anything to get her house ready for them to stay.

In the last few months girls have really started to get upset about the fact they've still not got to stay over at their mum's so I spoke to her about and she admitted that she was overwhelmed and didn't know where to start which is fair enough.

I've since helped her paint her house, organised carpet fitters for her, took her shopping to get furniture and bedding and whatnot for the girls room at her house and bought them spare clothes and toys to keep at her house.

She had the girls out yesterday and when she dropped them off she asked if she could have them overnight next weekend. I agreed and was happy that's she'd asked rather than waiting and waiting until I organised it.

She then text me this morning asking if I could take her out shopping during the week because she doesn't know what they'll eat.

I don't really know what I want to get from posting on here. Just a space to rant I think

I'm glad that's she's more involved now because the girls deserve to have their mum in their lives and do get that it must feel pretty daunting to get used to looking after two relatively young kids again, especially when their at such different stages from where she left off.

I think if she took the initiative to organise things herself instead of relying on me to do it would reassure me that she's committed to the girls and she's not just going to up and leave them agains.

She’s sounds like she doesn’t have a clue about life in general, not just her kids. At least she’s admitted she’s struggling to you, and you’re obviously willing to help her. I do think you owe it to the girls to attempt to establish a good relationship with their mother, and to give her a chance to prove she can be a good mother me she’s making an effort. If it goes tits up then at least your girls will know you tried your best

It does sound like she’s overwhelmed with the thought of the children coming to stay overnight. However, it is just one night!

Personally, I’d give her a list of things the children will eat and allow her to take the initiative to shop for herself. It sounds as though you have given her a great deal of support in order to ensure your children are able to enjoy time with their mum, but she needs to step up and be more independent imo.

Is there any chance she’s hoping to rekindle your relationship? Maybe she enjoys spending the time with you. Just a thought.

Good luck, I hope it goes well

She sounds inept but for the benefit of the children I would probably give advice (but wouldn’t take her shopping).

Sounds like she wants it to be perfect because she's scared and she knows she does not know what they like etc. Just guide her in the right direction and tell her not to worry all the kids want is time with mum. It's obviously been a while and she's worried if it goes wrong they might reject her. Tell her if she's unsure what they eat take them shopping and ask them shat they like maybe.

Has she been mentally unwell? Just wondering if that is why she feels so overwhelmed? I get also why it feels like she is asking a lot of you but I think it's great that you have supported her so much and have a good relationship for the sake of the children.

I think once she has had the girls over it will be easier next time. I think she is showing commitment by thinking of all the things she needs to do to prepare and asking for help when she needs it.

I hope the girls and their mother have a nice time together.

Too much drama for me!

Tell her to google how to be a parent, take a parenting class or something and get on with it!

Sorry, but I can’t bear those who pretend to be helpless just to drag others in to share the work.

It’s not actually that difficult.... the rest of us manage it without a support team...

Why has she seen so little of them for the last couple of years? Was it by choice or was it outside her control?

Send her a list of items. Do not take her shopping.

Text get a list of things. Is she expecting you to pay for everything? Does she pay maintenance?

She sounds like she's incredibly anxious about it all.
I agree with Pp who said to give her a list of what they'll eat which she can pick from.
Once she's had them a few times it should all get easier.

Text some suggestions of meals they like and which foods they definitely don't like.

I hadn't really thought about it but she is asking for help now rather than waiting until I ask so I suppose that is a step in the right direction.

I think what annoyed me about this particular request is that she eats with them at least once a week now so she does know what they like.
I'm going to send her the recipes for a few of their favourites and let her work it out from there.

She does pay for most things but I've bought a few smaller things and helped with the more expensive stuff like car seats and furniture for the girls room.

I think it's a good idea to send her the information about breakfast/lunch/dinners they will
Eat. Perhaps go as far as their usual bedtime routine and perhaps what you usually do over a weekend.

Could you suggest that she starts small day after school Friday until Saturday lunchtime each week for a while so her confidence builds?

On one hand I agree that it's frustrating as it seems ridiculous that she wants you to micro manage. On the other hand as a parent of teens I've forgotten the details of looking after little people 😳

You want the overnight to be a success. You can slowly withdraw your support over the months. Remind her that she can ask the DC what they like and food shopping with them for dinner that day can be a fun activity to do?