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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Fed up of people on facebook asking for free stuff!

50 replies

Twillow · 01/09/2019 12:40

"Really need a new bed for my toddler if anyone is gifting and oh I don't drive so if you could deliver thanks for reading"

"Our caravan was stolen outside our house and we left everything in it as we was ill after our holiday 4 bikes, hair straightener, toiletries literally lost everything can anyone help with donations be so grateful"

These people are not destitute by the look of their other posts.

OP posts:

HelloyouKant · 01/09/2019 13:14

What Marinetta said!!
Sharing and generosity is an important part of community life, but in many ways because our society doesn’t do it in an organised way we don’t have proper rituals or ways of doing this properly. The voices of those that really do need or would benefit are often drowned out by people who attack and bully others for as much free stuff as possible.

SmudgeButt · 01/09/2019 13:15

I'm more annoyed at the b who advertised stuff on freecycle which I happily went to collect only to have her message me to say she made a mistake and needed me to bring some of the stuff back. She'd realised she could sell them instead.

I did, somewhat reluctantly, as she had been there when I was taking the items away. I could have said no of course (& perhaps I should have) and I could have told her to come and get them - but she was mighty scary and I didn't want her tracking me down and getting extra nasty.

Nanna50 · 01/09/2019 13:35

YANBU when you are just talking about the local community Fb or selling page and not the freecycle pages. These type of requests have been banned from our pages, honestly the stuff people ask for is just cheeky fuckery with knobs on.

sodrained · 01/09/2019 14:19

There was a girl I knew who used to beg for free clothes for her daughter which is fine but she lived on my road and she used to spend her money on everything BUT her daughter in the end people was quite rude to her she seems ok now and sorted herself out.

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 01/09/2019 14:27

At this time of year there is a huge amount of giving and sharing school uniforms. I think it's great. Why buy for £££ when there is one available and why waste what you don't need when someone else can use it.

Northernsoullover · 01/09/2019 14:33

I'm kind of in agreement. We had a war on our local page because someone put a sob story on about needing xyz, someone donated and sold the whole lot on another site. There were screenshots and everything and comments about its not the first time xx has done this etc. It was quite nasty. I'm really wary now giving stuff away. I still do it but I try not to be sentimental and think if its sold on then at least I'm rid of it, and lucky that I'm fortunate not to be desperate for money.

TeamUnicorn · 01/09/2019 15:10

Our local page does 'name and shame' over selling on. It just lets them all get frothy and righteous. It is a bit shitty but an over reaction really.

However most of the seller -ons don't even try and hide what they are doing, they even lift the same photo from the selling on pages.

Nextphonewontbesamsung · 01/09/2019 15:18

Yanbu. I know someone who does this all the time to supplement her income. Anytime someone offers anything for free, anything at all, she jumps right in there with "I'd love to have this have pm'd you x"

Then she either sells it on another local FB page (I am a member of two so see lots of this crossing over) or sells it at car boot sales.

I don't like it because I am sure there are people who could genuinely use a free chest of drawers (or whatever) and this woman is always greedily jumping in first.

Freesunglasses · 01/09/2019 15:25

It depends on circumstances. One of my facebook 'friends' was asking for furniture as she had to sell all hers to make some much needed cash quickly. She got so many offers it was unbelievable. The thing is, her mum and dad are very well off, houses in France and Italy, she's never had to work, because daddies always spoilt her then her husband.
A week later she posted a photo of her sat in an airport drinking a Glass of wine on her way to France for a holiday, I was

I was and am still gobsmacked at her drama queen behaviour when there are genuine people who are desperate. I'm even more gobsmacked at the stupidity of her friends offering her things knowing full well she has a well off family!

Freesunglasses · 01/09/2019 15:35

What's really sad is those who are genuinely in need are probably too proud to ask.

AlpacaGoodnight · 01/09/2019 20:17

There is one person on my facebook who does this all the time, always putting up woe is me posts and jumping on any selling post no matter what it is. Her husband is a pilot (captain) so according to Google should be makeing 60k to 100k per year, beyween 3-5 times more than most of the people I kniw bar the odd exception.

yearinyearout · 01/09/2019 20:23

TeamUnicorn I’m pretty sure the point of these free stuff pages was for people to give away/recycle things they no longer need, not for people to ask for things. They have got put of control now, people in my area are constantly wanting to furnish entire houses for free and get it all delivered! There’s also an ongoing issue with certain people getting free stuff and selling it on which isn’t in the spirit of “freecycling” at all.

TeamUnicorn · 01/09/2019 20:41

Alpaca Just because he earns that much doesn't mean she sees any of it, MN has taught me that many people have very separate finances and are 'happy' to see their partner (and children) go without/struggle.

Year I have given some things away to an asker, one reasonable story is easier to deal with instead of the multiple sob stories. One of ours did implement a rule though that you had to ask for specific items rather than just 'everything for a house'.

AlpacaGoodnight · 03/09/2019 20:35

@TeamUnicorn good point and I'm sure that is true in many cases, in this one though she definitely sees it although I can't reveal how I know as it would totally out me!

Vgbeat · 03/09/2019 20:53

It's one of my pet peeves on our local kids selling page. Looking for Next etc clothes must be in perfect condition or new as cheap as possible. It takes all my effort to put go to friggin Next. Either stop dressing your kids in expensive clothes or go to Asda.

PumpkinP · 03/09/2019 21:04

There was one on a free cycle page near me that was a woman asking for a tv for her sons room as his had broken and if she didn’t get one she was going to use her money for food and electric to buy it instead! I was she did get a lot of nasty comments and ended up deleting the post.

Soubriquet · 03/09/2019 21:08

Makes me laugh when people ask for cot/moses basket/car seat/bottles or other children’s items and need them as cheap as possible or even free.

Yet when people offer it’s usually met with “oh sorry. I’m looking for things suitable for a girl”

Your girl isn’t going to grow a willy just because you put her in a blue pushchair and fed her from a blue bottle.

If you’re desperate enough to ask for free items, you take what you are given

Howlovely · 03/09/2019 21:21

There is definitely an awful sense of entitlement, it's baffling to me. I was really heartened to see the support one family got on my local fb page as there had been a fire. Luckily no one was hurt but they were left with literally nothing. A friend of that poor family asked for anything and everything and we were all happy to give what we had spare. The friend who wrote the post was happy to collect but people were happy to drop it off to her house as this family had a genuine need. The friend had then written a post to thank everyone and that the family was overwhelmed, great community spirit, etc. Some awful girl had written underneath the post that she needed stuff too and as there was so much the family couldn't use it all so could she go round to have a look through!
The following month she had written her own sob story and was asking for donations of free stuff! How she thought that was ok still confuses me.

Fyette · 03/09/2019 22:05

Sure, there are some entitled, grabby people.

But people who are truly in need probably don't have a car / van to pick up your unwanted furniture, nor can they afford to rent one. I had this issue when I was poor - and in the end figured it worked out cheaper to order all my stuff from IKEA and have it delivered than to rent vans to pick up second-hand furniture. If I had even had a driver's licence - couldn't afford lessons either, so didn't have one. Just one example of how people get stuck in a cycle of poverty.

PumpkinP · 03/09/2019 23:14

Well on my local free page you’re not allowed to ask for delivery

Fyette · 04/09/2019 08:03

Well on my local free page you’re not allowed to ask for delivery

But you see how that might exclude some truly needy people, right?

EEmother · 04/09/2019 09:55

I have a (remote) family member who asked for a contribution to her holiday fund. She has around 1K contacts, and asked everyone for 50p to £1. Then followed up with a private message - "not sure if you've seen my post..."

nosalad · 04/09/2019 10:05

@EEmother not quite the same, but I have a friend who will always say she has no money and let you pay for lunch etc. Then a few months later will go on holiday and tell everyone how hard she saved. Yeah cos we all subsidised you! I'm wise to it now.

MinistryOfTragic · 05/09/2019 19:28

Years ago one of my Facebook friends put on Facebook that his two boys' PlayStation had broken and did anyone have one they didn't use. I did, so I said he could have it. I was going to sell it, as I could really have done with the cash, but one of his boys was having cancer treatment, wasn't able to go out to play with his friends, so I gave it to them.

Took it round to their house in my little car, 15 miles away to pull up to their five bedroom house with two Mercedes on the drive, their hot tub in the conservatory, and dedicated karaoke room. I kid you not. They had a holiday home in Spain too. There's a reason they had more money than most, they never paid to replace their own shit when it broken. Stingy bastards, who wouldn't just go out and buy their sick soon a new console if it broke when they could clearly afford it.

BackforGood · 05/09/2019 19:44

I was going to post the same as Fyette

Yes, obviously there are some people who lie or who do this as a business, but people who really are in need are unlikely to have a car or a van, or the money to hire a van.

If there is something I no longer need, and it will fit in my car, I don't particularly have an issue with dropping it to somewhere local when I'm passing. If I don't want to do that, then I just don't offer. It's not difficult - just scroll past the post.

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