Long story short ex in an out for over 3 years. Has now split for good. In that time he’s never had our kids alone and has consistently shown me and admitted he can’t cope or give attention to more than 1 child at a time. Also shown me multiple times his temper and has created situations that the kids get in trouble for. Also many times put himself before the kids, being on his phone instead of being with them (they saw him 4 days a month and half hour in the week) he has an older child who used to come over but unfortunately I had to say it couldn’t happen anymore as he was pushing our kids away and giving all his attention to his older child and also became very separate almost like or kids weren’t his for that time (never suggested he didn’t see his child and was meant to be temporary until we’d sorted the issues as I didn’t know what else to do as I had discussed so many times with him but nothing changed and I couldn’t see any of us upset any longer) he left me soon after and has been in our kids lives as above backwards and forwards. I tried to get him to reintroduce his older child but he refused. Fast forward 3 years and a lot of upset he’s left and is wanting to have all 3 kids on 1 weekend (fortnightly) I fully accept the kids need a relationship with the older child however I strongly feel it’s way to soon. So far he’s seen them 5 times and each other those times he’s had a friend and he kids there. And our children have said they want to see their dad on their own without them there. I feel he doesn’t actually spend time with them when doing this I get the impression he leaves the kids to play rather than building a relationship with ours. I full appreciate what he does with his time is his business but I’m concerned this is effecting the children. They’ve both shown they’re confused/anxious as things have changed for them and have both told me that they want their dad alone and asked me to tell him. I did this at the first mediation session and he wouldn’t hear it. I also tried to talk to him on the phone and he asked our youngest if his had been said and she said no 🙄☹️ But has since said it again to a friend of mine (I was not there) I feel very sad for the children as I feel a relationship with their dad alone is so important for them (which is why I’ve never stopped him seeing them no matter how much he’s hurt me) but I don’t know how to help them with this. He’s adamant he knows his rights and will get what he wants. My youngest has told me the next time they see him the older child will be there and although they seem curious over this they really don’t know him so I know the things they are saying is all things their dad has put in their minds making them think they want this. I’m happy for them to know him but I also feel it’s so Important to preserve their relationship with their dad in view of the fact they have until this point not had one alone with him, where as the older child has been alone with him for over 3 years, I’m sure this will effect his relationship too. Right now I do feel this is way to soon to be introducing them though. But I honestly don’t know if I should say anything or if it’s just me worrying coz I don’t want them to be anymore effected than they already have been.
I hope so much I’ve explained this well it’s a very difficult situation and obviously a lot more to it but I’ve tried to give as much information as possible but I would really appreciate any advice please be kind as I’m just trying to do what’s best for the kids as I always have.