To be annoyed about flaky friends?

[Flakyfriends7]

Had plans with two people today, was feeling a bit exhausted but made a mental note NOT to cancel my plans.

One texted early this morning saying they were too hungover for brunch, could we rearrange - annoying but fine. Another messaged with an elaborate story about having a bad sleep (this is maybe the fifth time in a row they have cancelled one on one plans?) asking to move to later... Im really upset! The first one I think is more in character and just annoying, we will probably meet later this week. The second sounds like BS and feels disrespectful and upsetting, I have replied saying ok but I am upset. I don’t know whether to ask what is really going on as it has happened so much now? This seems like a symptom of modern life really but it’s annoying when despite holding down a busy job, I never do this... and really try to be there for my friends. Feeling really low RN

I’d be far more annoyed at the friend cancelling due to a hangover than the one having difficulties with sleep, friend 2 seems to be struggling with something and most likely needs some understanding. I think you should ask friend 2 if they’re ok. Plus friend 2 is asking for a later time, friend 1 has cancelled completely.

YANBU to be annoyed though, especially if you don’t cancel plans often.

I have asked that... and always too... friend 1 is also going through a very difficult time! I am also going through a difficult time but feel forgotten about

I feel for you, that does sound annoying. I get annoyed by flaky friends too, the speciality of mine is to agree to share a taxi home, then at the last minute cancel, so i am left with an expensive taxi bill.
After the last time, i said to myself I wouldn't organise another evening do for these friends (and they often ask for us to go out together, so it's not like I'm forcing them in the first place).

I think it's worse if you had to get yourself geared up to out in the first place. I'd quite happily not go out much at all, so when I've made the effort and then they cancel, it feels even worse as i am then left doing something that i perhaps wouldn't have chosen to do, if left to my own devices.

I don't know what the answer is, except choose different friends who are not flaky, or just see these people on a more casual basis and not arrange to go out. Maybe ask them to call round when you know you're going to be in and it's no problem if they do/don't.

In the meantime, for today, is there something nice you can do for yourself? Maybe a coffee and a cake or a nice walk in the country?

I think I'd ask them. You can frame it like is everything ok with you, you don't seem yourself recently, you've cancelled the last 5 times and it isn't like you, I'm there for you if you want to talk. If they admit they are struggling eg with anxiety about going out or something then maybe you can arrange to meet at their house or talk on the phone instead. If they're all 'all fine, just busy, let's meet on x date' I think I would just distance myself for my own sanity, or ask them along to group things or things you don't mind doing yourself if they dont turn up

Is there a chance they find 1 on 1 meetings challenging - are there cancellations when meeting in larger numbers?