Im trying to conceive, husband trying to party!

[Cluuish]

So I don't want this to sway views but feel it's important for you know from the start that falling pregnant is really important to me. I've wanted to be a mum for years and was finally 6mnts pregnant (but sadly lost it) earlier this year.
So now we have both agreed to start trying again, and feeling like we are back on the road to becoming parents is all I care about!
We finally started trying again this week, however all I'm hearing from my husband is complaints about our sex life and how 'on the clock' it's become and how talking about ovulation dates kills the mood.
Sex is a long on going issue as he has a high sex drive and wants it 3 times a week min, I have a low sex drive and am happy with monthly. However we generally have sex weekly. So I see that as a compromise, but I still get regular moans that hes not satisfied.
Because I know this is a sensitive area I do all I can to keep the ovulation details to myself but occasionally I slip up, mainly because I'm excited about it. It's not even just ovulation, any talk about pregnancy is slowly becoming an annoyance to him.

Then today I overheard him chatting with his friends (2 girls & 2 boys) about going to Amsterdam for a couple of nights some time next year for a piss up. Possibly staying in a rented apartment together. He said to them 'maybe I should tell the wife it's boys only, as I know she won't like this idea'.
Yeh of course I hate the idea! I'm hoping to have a new born baby by then, yet his mind seems to be focused on other things.

I brought it up with him and he told me I was over reacting....am I?

I'm dumbfounded as to why you would even want to have a child with this man, and as to why you would think he would in any way be a decent father.

It's time to start seeing reality.

I think its a bad idea to breed with this guy. Personally, i dont see 3x/wk as 'high' drive, so i think you are really not on the same page there and resentment will build, suspicion over what he gets up to as a result, yada yada. Doesnt sound like a fun future to me. Perhaps platonic coparenting would be a better bet?

To be honest it sounds like he is only going through the ttc to please you.

I've been where you are, desperate to concieve after the loss of a very much longed for baby. I can promise you that your OH is the one whose got it right. Making conceiving a mission is the best way to head towards trouble in a relationship.

However should destroying a miscarriage is, turning life ans sex into a mission to concieve is not healthy. Holding off plans because you could possible have a baby... or not by that time is putting your life on hold. There is nothing wrong with considering going away for a weekend that could easily be cancelled if indeed you are heavily pregnant or have a new baby by then.

The worry is your different sex drive though. Its all good when you are wishing to concieve and you are keen to do it often, but what will happen weeks/months after your baby is there? Does your OH knows fully that sex doesn't matter much for you?

He may not want to talk about pregnancy stuff now because of the loss of your baby. If he was excited about it before, that would explain why his attitude changed.

The reality of having a baby is that men's lives don't change as much as the woman's. 2 weeks paternity leave doesn't affect their career and they don't go through the physical and emotional toll of birthing a baby.

It isn't healthy making life plans just in case you're pregnant or have a newborn but I think your h should be aware that he may have to pull out of the trip if you are expecting around there too.

There's lots of red flags with your post- the mismatched section drives, keeping friends away from you, lying about who's on the trip etc Does your h really want a baby or does he just want more sex? The fact that he's turned off by the talk of ovulation so soon after agreeing to try again is worrying. Is he going through with this to make you happy? Will he be expecting you to do most of the caring etc as you are more keen on babies and will be on maternity leave anyway?

I understand why, but YABU. You need to let him have some freedom and a life outside of your baby plans. It sounds like he’s less sure than you are whether he wants a baby and/or would like to do it more naturally rather than having a strict schedule for sex! I think you maybe need to be a bit less pushy with this or it could end up destroying the relationship. Yes you’re eager and your feelings matter, but he sounds less eager and his feelings matter too.

OP sorry for your loss but i think you need to remember that he lost a baby too, he has to grieve not just you, maybe he cant face going through it all again, have you ever thought of that ?

Yabu as you're not pregnant at the moment. I don't see why you can't both have weekends away with friends when you have a baby anyway. Let him go to Amsterdam and do something with your friends too.

I’m so sorry for your loss

I think the differences in sex drive is going to kill off the relationship long term if I’m honest. If you’re only up for sex once a week now then once the baby is here that’s only going to get less - tiredness, soreness, different priorities etc and an already low sex drive will drop off the cliff.

He doesn’t sound like he really wants a baby.