Is my Dh trying to gaslight me

[trudygarland]

I have a history of minor mh issues (depression and anxiety) which my Dh has been mostly supportive of. Tonight we went out for 3 hours while my dm looked after our ds at home. After 3 drinks he said I shouldn't order another but I was just on the verge of being tipsy. It is was a Saturday night and it's been so long that it seems quite reasonable that we would have few drinks. I went to the toilet and left my phone with him. One conversation was that I needed to start paying my credit card off (we got a loan in my name to pay both our debts off but have used my credit card for joint spends such as a hoover and bbq). When we returned home my mother left and straight away he had a go saying that he's just paid off £50 of my credit card bill because I was over. I missed my last bill by a day because of the way our paydays fell but not to the extent of £50. He said that my phone popped up with a message saying there was a payment overdue...the thing is, I can't find the message. There is no proof whatsoever that he found out about my overspend this way, and in all honesty, I was only over by £10 so nothing is adding up with his story. After any drink (half lager/bottle of Prosecco at a bbq) he seems to be belittling me and my ability to cope. I feel like my sanity is being questioned but I am unable to ask anyone because those close to us know my history of mental health (doctors, antidepressants). What do I do? I'm scared that he is trying to break me down to lose my ds but this could also be part of my paranoia?!! Help!

If I was going to miss paying my credit card by a day or two I’d be asking him for a sub and explaining due to the pay date etc I’d have a problem and giving him the money back once I got paid, rather than miss the payment and risk my credit score.
If he paid it thats fine, it will show up on your account and you can pay him back once you are paid.
It does think like you are a bit paranoid. Not everyone is good with money. That’s life. But I don’t understand what you mean by the “overspend” he could have found out about? Have you been spending money he doesn’t know about or something?
I think the only one questioning your sanity is you. He only had a go at you about one bill you missed. That’s hardly belittling you. It’s just frustration. I’d be the same if you were my sister - why’d you not just tell me so I could have helped you rather than risk your score.
And I don’t think anyone would have their kids taken from them because they didn’t pay one bill on time, so you don’t need to worry about that.
If you feel you’re losing your mind it’s probably exhaustion and possibly hormones. Mine are murder. Calm yourself. It will all be fine. Perhaps you could reorganise things so you have a bit more time to relax and chill. Motherhood is knackering.

Mmm I'm not sure
Is this a one off or have you thought this previously?
Are you generally scatty with money?
Either way he shouldn't be having a go... he should be looking for ways to help and support you especially considering your history

Also may be better to revisit this in the morning when you've got no drink on you. Xx

Wait, why is the debt all in your name and the joint spends all in your name? And why is he having a go at you about the bill?

I don't know if he is gaslighting you, but I would be concerned about the way you manage your joint finances.

Yep, everything Inebriati said.

Why don’t you have the minimum payment set up?

Do you have an app for the credit card on your phone?

Money pops up with notifications on my home screen. If I deal with it the notification disappears.

It's really difficult to comment. Ideally, if you have MH issues and are medicated, you shoildnt be drinking. Do you have a history of getting drunk.

I am also interest why the loan and cc is in your name. And why you got a loan to pay off debts but still spending on a CC.

Do you have a history of bad spending (both of you) ?

This is really difficult to advise on. Sorry op.