To find positives out of separation

[Thegreenandgrey]

My husband has called time on our marriage of 15 years .three kids and he is out . One with sn. I’ve been on here crying my heart out and have got amazing support . I have now accepted that I have no choice . What positives did you take ? What can I look forward to? Life is bleak .

for you

For me it was decorating however I wanted. Getting stuff just because I liked it.

Buying seeded bread, because he didn't like it and I loved it.

Reversing my rubbish old car into a bollard by accident. My first thought was 'Oh crap, I'm in trouble!', then realising I had no one to answer to and doing a little dance of joy (obviously wouldn't have done that if I'd been driving a car actually worth something!)

The sheer amount of candles I’ve been able to buy with no one moaning at me! Keeping my house nice and tidy and just the way I like it. The bond I have with my DC as a single parent. And I feel master of my own destiny - I can do things I want to when I want to.
I don’t know the circumstances of your split OP but for me it was also the relief from the constant paranoia about what he was up to and who he was sleazing round too.
for you, it might seem impossible now but you will get through it.

Being able to be me.

Not have to worry about being abused both physically and mentally when he'd been drinking.

Being able to rearrange the house when I like.

Having money to be able to treat myself.

Not having to walk on eggshells.

Freedom.

Buy what I want when I want - if I choose to buy a designer handbag and live on toast for a month or two I can
Less washing
Clean sheets stay fresh longer as does most of house!
No clutter, I’m quite tidy so it stays that way
Eating what I fancy or not as the case may be - if I just want a bowl of strawberries and a gin n tonic for dinner it’s fine
No in laws
Get to watch what I want on tv, ditto for music

Not having to compromise all the time. Not having to worry what his reaction would be. Being able to eat what I like when I like. Having the bed to myself. Being able to read a book without being interrupted because I wasn't paying attention to him. Not having to deal with his smelly socks. Knowing that if I had a fiver in my purse in the morning if would still be there in the evening - unless I had spent it. Having enough hot water for a bath. Not having to be nice to anyone all weekend if I stayed at home. Being able to cry at a sad film without being laughed at. The list is endless!

Being able to save money. Having the house to myself and decorating how I like. Not having everything broken (bad DIY).

It does take time though. It is a big transition but there are lots of positives along with the fear of managing alone. I’m quite reluctant to have a new partner now because I’ve learned to love my own space.

7 years from an unexpected separation.

Positives are

• Love and respect of my (now) adult children. They know what I've done for them and what their father hasn't.
• Pride in achievements of the children since lone parenting
• Sleeping alone (no snoring or other interruptions)
• Special times not ruined by negativity
• All decisions can be made without compromise
• Life has taken a different direction than that anticipated - but it's a good life

Caveat - these positives may take some time to appear - there will be rocky patches - but you will get there as you are stronger than you think.

Thanks. I hope so. I look forward to ..
No negative comments as a default personality trait.
No shouting or cursing at the children.
No continuous whinging about headaches but does nothing about them.
Not being woken up at all hours.
Not being ignored night after night.
Not trying to gauge what mood he will be in every morning and evening.
Not t being lonely anymore.

OP, why don’t you ask for your thread to be moved to relationships, sounds like him leaving might be actually a fantastic result!!