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AIBU?

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Original poster

Does she think we're rich because we've bought a house?

28 replies

TinyChipolata · 31/08/2019 18:32

I have been with DH ten years. In the last two years we have bought a house and had a baby.

Since we have bought the house - a bog standard three bed needing work, in a cheap area- SIL seems to think we have money to burn. I can't see what else it could be, she never did it before. Today she phoned DH and asked him to pay her mobile phone contract, as it was going to bounce. DH said no. That hasn't been the first time she's asked. She says "do you have the money in your account, can you pay it and I'll give you the money" but he says no because he'll never see the money. She has also asked to get things on store cards in his name and pay him off in cash. There have been other incidents, such as buying cakes and gifts for PILs birthdays - she will suggest getting them a joint present and going halters on the cake, which she then asks us to order or pick up, but we never see her share of the cash.

She gets ratty with DH and says things like "god you're tight, am I a bad sister or something?"

SIL probably has more disposable income than us, as her husband is self employed doesn't declare most of his earnings - she has told us this with pride and offered us tips on how to do the same,as it meant they got full whack in tax credits and housing benefit as it was all based on her 15 hour a week job. They are both heavy smokers.

Aibu to think that she reckons that because we've got the house, we're loaded? We are bloody well not.

OP posts:
tropicalkitchenisland · 31/08/2019 18:35

Weird - has she borrowed from you /him or been given money by you before?
Just ignore and keep saying no. Or maybe next time get in there first and ask for a loan for new tyres or something, you'll probably hear her reasoning for asking you then...

Cloudyapples · 31/08/2019 18:39

Just say no and next time she asks to go halves on a gift/cake say that sounds great, as we got the last one we’ll leave this one to you.

Ilikewinter · 31/08/2019 18:41

Is she jealous of you both?..... my SIL is like this, constantly makes snides comments about our house, cars and holidays..but we both work full time whilst she sits on her fat arse not working, her partner works full time, no kids and they get full benefits. Their house is even set up as friends renting so that she gets housing benefit. I have no time for them both.

31RueCambon75001 · 31/08/2019 18:41

That's weird all right. I'd never in a million years ask my brother to fund my mobile phone bill. She is BU

meyouandlulutoo · 31/08/2019 18:41

I doubt if she thinks you are loaded because you've bought a house, anyone with an ounce of sense knows that buying a house is a massive financial commitment especially in the early years of home ownership. Your DH is very sensible in refusing to lend money to her. In your situation I would also stop the joint presents for your DH's parents - if anyone is being tight it is her. She is a CF and trying it on.

ginyogarepeat · 31/08/2019 18:45

What?! I assumed this was a teenage sister until I read she had a husband! Very odd behaviour - time for DH to put her in her place!

PickAChew · 31/08/2019 18:47

She sounds crap with money and massively entitled. They'll be stuffed if they get found out. Keep on saying no.

Original poster
TinyChipolata · 31/08/2019 18:48

I don't think she's jealous of us but I think she could be cross that DH is not at her beck and call as PILs are. They are both pensioners in poor health and they run after her like nothing I've ever seen before. Right after we had our baby she would phone first thing on a Saturday morning asking DH to come and watch her kids, with a sob story attached. She also used to phone him at times she knew we'd be doing something together and say her kids were missing him. We nipped that in the bud, then the money thing started

OP posts:
Original poster
TinyChipolata · 31/08/2019 18:50

She absolutely will be stuffed, they've had thousands off tax credits and housing benefit, they've been doing it for years

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 31/08/2019 18:53

"So sorry, we have no money what with buying the house and all the work that needed doing to it. Sad Sad. Could you lend us some cash?"

Rinse and repeat.

Ilikethisone · 31/08/2019 18:53

Many people think I am loaded. I won a 3 bed house, that I bought alone and rive an Audi

The house was 85k and i managed it because me and exh sold our marital home which was quite large. The audi is 15 years old and cost £1700. A few people have made comments. Usually about how I should be buying the drinks when we are out. 2 friends have asked to borrow money. I was a single parent at the time.

The village will all be talking as I pick up a brand new merc next week. But it's a work car, not one I own.

I just ignore them

BumbleBeee69 · 31/08/2019 19:22

I loathe fuckers like this... just say NO Flowers

georgialondon · 31/08/2019 19:34

She's a classic cheeky fucker!

Amcor · 31/08/2019 19:44

SIL did this to us when DH started work. He’s her younger brother and went to uni, no one else in the family did. They think he must warn a fortune but like you op, we have outgoings - mortgage, school fees, house upkeep, commute - and SIL has none of these, qualifies for benefits, gets handouts from the PILs to “make it fair “ with DH (she’s nearly 50!) and manages three holidays a year! We’re lucky if we get 1!

MIL also asked for handouts for SIL so they didn’t have to pay for her. She needed a new wardrobe once and MIL asked us to go halves. We lived with a rail instead of a wardrobe for four years when first I put a sheet over it to stop out stuff getting dusty. SIL has a perfectly good wardrobe, she just didn’t like it.

She’s a sponger OP. Ignore her.

Mumpower123 · 31/08/2019 20:01

You have brought a house. Of course you have money. Even if it needs work on it. You have to have money in the first place to do any of this. She should sort her own finances out. Loans and catalogues etc... Why can't she use them?

TheGlitterFairy · 31/08/2019 20:06

Just say no. Odd. My SIL asked DH the other week if we had a mortgage. Yep - we do. And was very surprised 😱 She seems to think we’ve money to burn too and makes comments about holiday etc. Tedious.

KUGA · 31/08/2019 20:17

Tell her to combine sex and travel.

Amcor · 31/08/2019 21:01

TheGlitterFairy There is a generation that knows nothing about buying your own property as it used to be. These aren’t always young people but those who have decided in later years to buy... and find they can’t. It is no longer aN attainable goal for many. Deposits are huge and lenders are cautious.

My SIL decided in her 40s that she would like a property. How she thought she would fund this I don’t know but she found out that some of the people she worked with owned, didn’t rent, and she wanted in. But they’d bought over a decade before and had saved like mad and maybe had financial help from family. SIL has had handouts from her Ps since leaving school but spent it all on holidays and clothes and crap and had never saved a penny. She was truly shocked to find out some people in her role at work owned houses. And this is a woman in her 40s. It’s a different world. When she was the age they were getting on the property ladder, she was spending whatever came her way on whatever she fancied. She thought these house owners had burned through money like her and still had more on top of that to buy a house 😂🤣.

Xenia · 31/08/2019 21:28

Yes, Amcor is right.
Also your husband is being very good in refusing these requests for money as they will never be paid back and just cause resentment in the famly. Best not to lend her any money ever. No need to fall out over it - just a cordial refusal.

When we moved here we used every last penny of savings and even the children's savings (which I have since paid back) so we didn't have a penny in the world other than equity in the house and had a £500k mortgage. So yes we had some equity in the house which I suppose we could have sold and had to spend but like most people we were certainly cleaned out in buying it (and both worked full time so had very expensive full time childcare costs)

Singlenotsingle · 31/08/2019 21:42

£500k mortgage, Xenia? Shock That's a huge amount of money!

MindyStClaire · 31/08/2019 22:52

Depends where you live Singlenotsingle. My parents' three bed semi in a naice part of Dublin would be worth at least €700k, so I'm sure any of their neighbours who've moved in in the last ten or fifteen years started with mortgages over €500k. I'm sure there's plenty of places in London and the South East that are the same.

Xenia · 31/08/2019 22:52

It certainly was in 199 when we moved here. (It reached £1.3m after my divorce but even so I was lucky to keep the house as many people lose their house on a divorce)

Xenia · 31/08/2019 22:52

(..in 1997...)

Foslady · 31/08/2019 22:56

Ex SIL was foul with exPIL (and these were her in laws as well)when they thought about selling up and downsizing. She was very vocal about how they should give her and exh’d brother their home as they had kids.......where exPIL’s were supposed to live God knows as they couldn’t have swapped into their council house.....

DamnDinosaur · 31/08/2019 23:01

She gets ratty with DH and says things like "god you're tight, am I a bad sister or something?"

She wants him to pay her for being a sister? Hmm

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