To have applied for the promotion.

[purplestarz]

This is a long one but I'll try be as precise as I can, posting here as I want really honest opinions!

I have a baby who is just over 1. I tried for 5 years for a baby and was lucky to be successful on my first round of IVF. It was heartbreaking conceiving, I had a horrendous pregnancy and traumatic birth. I was adamant I was having no more kids!

Before I left for mat leave the company I worked for was taken over and restructured. I should of applied for my job but I didn't as I'd been treated unfairly and I didn't want to return. When it was time to notify my employer of my decision to return or not I'd heard really good things about the new owners. So I decided to see how things went for a while. I return into the position I was in when I left. There are 5 of us in the same role, everyone was happy to have me back it was good!

Then a promotion come up, I was asked to apply, so I did, as did the other 4. This is where things started to go wrong. People didn't feel I deserve the opportunity as they'd all stepped up on my absence. I was offered the job, it starts in a few weeks. My colleagues weren't happy and have been off with me since, I can live with that. I work to support my family, not to make them happy.

However I've now been thrown a complete curve ball. I had a letter from my fertility clinic saying my storage is about to expire and I need to dispose of my embryos or pay to keep them. I've never considered a 2nd until the point I had to seriously consider getting rid of my frozen embryos. I just can't do it and I think I want another. My husband is older than me and has said it I want another then i need to do it sooner rather than later.

Would it be completely unreasonable of me to go ahead with this promotion and having another round of IVF. Or should I step down?

I'm torn because I literally put my life on hold for 5 years to have a baby. There's no saying I'd be so lucky to get pregnant again through ivf. I wouldn't put myself through a full cycle, only try with the 2 embryos I have. So if they didn't work that's it, no more babies. If I give up the promotion and it doesn't work I'll have given up the job for nothing and the opportunity won't come round again soon.

What would you do?

Take the job, try with the two embryos, if it works, which I hope it does, take ML then go back to work after.

Sod what the colleagues think of that.

Agree with ElizaDee.

Do both. As you say, IVF might not work, and even if it did, you got the job through fair and open competition. Your colleagues are being dicks, and are in fact discriminating against you in an illegal manner by voicing their petty jealousy.

Why would you even question this!! Do both woman and dont feel anything but happiness. Good luck with baby 2 x

Definitely take the promotion and try for another baby if that's what you and your partner want.

Do not give up the promotion - you earned that fair and square and you CAN have both a career and another baby - your colleagues will have to lump it.
I also think it says a lot about how highly your employers think of you and your abilities that you were offered the job, even though you hadn’t had the same length of time to impress them as your colleagues!

Go for both - you can have it all!

Exactly what ElizaDee said.
If it all works out, your colleagues get another chance to ‘step up’ and if they don’t like you coming back to work then they take their experience and go somewhere else.
Go for it!

I would absolutely take the job and I would absolutely try with the embryos. Quite frankly your workmates should grow up. There is no such thing as deserving a promotion. you go for it or you don’t go for it and the best person wins.

I agree with taking the promotion but don't rule out paying to store the embryos for a while longer if you need more time. Is your husband saying 'now or never' or will another year be agreeable?

Your colleagues' attitudes are sexist judgemental bullshit. @Elizadee had this right straight away. At least your organisation seems to have its head screwed on. Do both and you don't need to feel guilty or apologise. Congratulations on your baby and your promotion. You sound like a great person. Good luck for what comes next!

Agree with @ElizaDee

Why on earth would you give up the promotion? Neither your colleagues being dicks, nor considering re-starting fertility treatment.

It's yours; you earned it. Go be brilliant at it and good luck if you do decide to restart treatment

They are two separate issues. What you decide to do in terms of family planning is nothing to do with your job, and likewise your career in this context doesn't need to be coloured by your planning (I know it's not quite as clear cut as that usually but in this case I think it is) you do not need to change your career plans for a baby, if you're good enough for the job you'll be offered it and then they legally have to wait, end of really.

@Allyo19
If it was down to him he wouldn't have anymore. He already had 3 when we met. But he doesn't want to deprive me and he's an amazing dad so I know if we have another he'd be over the moon really, it's just the idea of having a 5th for him.
There's a lot of development within the company and I know the next promotion will be coming in around 18 months to 2 years so really I'd like to be back and ready to apply for it. X