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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be concerned about my son

18 replies

Rapunzeleyebrows · 31/08/2019 14:28

DS1 is 20 and earlier this week went to London for a short break with his boyfriend. They had lovely first day and went out into central London in the evening, unfortunately on the way back to their hotel they were attacked by eight men who stole their phones, wallets and money. They complied to their demands and handed everything over but this still wasn’t enough and they gave him a beating as well.

The police were wonderful with them and have kept in contact. DS is bruised, but it’s his mental state I’m worried about. He can’t settle, he’s pacing up and down and fidgeting constantly. It’s been three days since the attack so I’m assuming he’s still in shock. What can I do to help him?

OP posts:

forkfun · 31/08/2019 15:05

Awful! I was attacked similarly when I was 19. Left me jitterish for a very long time after. I think it's too soon to do anything much about it right now, apart from being understanding. But in a few weeks I'd suggest counseling. It's important for your son to understand that this horrible event is in the past and he doesn't need to feel the panic he felt then now. Because now he is safe. Very easy to say, very hard to get your head around when you've experienced something horrible like your son has.

Branleuse · 31/08/2019 15:17

poor thing. Hes probably traumatised

FurnitureAndBackgammon · 31/08/2019 15:23

How awful.
I'm guessing he just needs time to process it all and hopefully he'll feel better in time.

TanMateix · 31/08/2019 15:26

I second counselling. He needs to talk to tackle his fears otherwise they can stay with him for a very long time.

KUGA · 31/08/2019 15:41

How sad this world has become.
A big hug for both of them from me.
Time is a good healer.

BlueJava · 31/08/2019 15:43

That's awful! I'd also suggest a course of counselling to help him get over it. What a horrible thing to happen - so sorry.

Livebythecoast · 31/08/2019 15:44

What an awful experience for them.
Did the police give him a victim support number?
It's only just happened so he will be in shock and probably trying to process it all.
All you can do is be there if he wants to talk.
Would he be up for going for a long walk with you as he's fidgety? He might talk if he's got a bit of a distraction iyswim.
The incident is probably going over and over in his head (understandably) and all the 'what if's'.
I'm so sorry this happened to them x

HugoLast · 31/08/2019 15:47

Have the police not put him in touch with victim support organisations? Professional help will make a big difference.
I am very sorry this has happened and it will probably affect DS for a long time.
How are you?

Sharksies · 31/08/2019 15:47

It’s very common for shock to take a while to recover from.

Make sure he sleeps well following good sleep hygiene, eats a balanced diet and does things he enjoys.

Talk to your GP if things haven’t improved in 6-8 weeks.

What a horrible experience.

Sharksies · 31/08/2019 15:48

The police should refer him in a couple of days to victim support.

AmIThough · 31/08/2019 16:10

Oh OP I'm sorry for your DS and his boyfriend.

Give him a biiiiig cuddle.
Is he up to going out with you?

Original poster

Rapunzeleyebrows · 31/08/2019 16:53

He had an email from the police today to let him know someone will be in touch within the next seven days. No one has mentioned victim support to them yet. Should I take photos of his face as the bruising is really starting to come out now.

OP posts:

AmIThough · 31/08/2019 16:57

Absolutely take photos.
And if he feels he can, get him to keep a diary of how he's feeling and how it affects him daily.

This could help if they catch the bastards and it goes to court.

Livebythecoast · 31/08/2019 17:04

Contact victim support.org.uk.
He can talk on the phone or online if he can't face talking about it atm.
I used them many years ago about a crime (not as serious as what your DS went through) and they were excellent x

DishingOutDone · 31/08/2019 17:04

It will play on his mind terribly, definitely get counselling possibly through Victim Support; thank god he has you to support him too. How is his boyfriend faring?

Original poster

Rapunzeleyebrows · 31/08/2019 17:23

Dishing, his boyfriend is extremely shaken. He wasn’t hurt as much as my DS as only one of them went for him, but watching seven of them surround my son has really affected him. He’s also started to remember things that are making him think it might have been a homophobic attack.

OP posts:

LurkerFinallyPosts · 01/09/2019 10:35

Victim Support are ok-ish but not brilliant because of under funding. In a few weeks you could look at asking for counselling from an LGBT charity (if you can't afford private, which many of us can't!). So sorry for your son.

amandacarnet · 01/09/2019 10:40

So sorry to hear this.
The research shows that counselling straight after a traumatic incident can make it worse. The advice now is to wait a month, talk to family and friends instead. If after a month things have not significantly improved, that is the time to think about counselling.
For now, just accept he is struggling. Advise him to get a good nights sleep, sleep really helps our brain deal with traumatic incidents, talk about it, but also do things that will distract him. Most people are much better after a month.

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