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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel hurt by this?

16 replies

Shutupseaguls · 31/08/2019 09:10

I was sent this by a friend after a particularly bad day with my ds who has asd. I'm a single mum and trying my hardest with no support and sometimes life just feels like hell. So I may have been over sensitive bit this really hurt.

OP posts:

IAmBannedAgainTheBastards · 31/08/2019 09:15

If your friend knew about the bad day you had YANBU
Could she be referring to something else.?

plunkplunkfizz · 31/08/2019 09:18

My dad sends that kind of shit around all the time. He isn’t aiming it at any particular person, it’s more that he sees it, thinks it’s good advice and he’ll be seen as some sort of sage for passing it on. He’s a total twat but well-meaning.

Could this be similar?

Original poster

Shutupseaguls · 31/08/2019 09:22

It could just be that they don't tend to send these things. This is a person who thinks they will grow out of it and just need a telling off (he does get told off for bad behaviour) They also once said they couldn't put up with it and if they were there's they would be in care by now. Idk I'm just feeling a bit fragile right now.

OP posts:

IAmBannedAgainTheBastards · 31/08/2019 09:27

Fucking hell, dump that friend now. They will never understand

LittleSweet · 31/08/2019 09:28

It's her opinion not the truth. Dcs with asc need different parenting to neurotypical dcs. However they still need to be taught to be kind and respectful. My autistic dcs have been getting away with being rude and disrespectful because I'm worn down by parenting them. Their psychiatrist pointed it out. So make sure it's not behaviour your ds can control.

couchparsnip · 31/08/2019 09:29

From your latest update - they would out them in care!! This person's opinion is clearly not worth anything as they are ignorant and uncaring. I would stop seeing them.

couchparsnip · 31/08/2019 09:30

*put not out.

Babdoc · 31/08/2019 09:31

If I was being charitable, I’d say she was being supportive of you, and trying to encourage you to enforce your boundaries and not put up with other people’s shit in general, rather than making a pointed dig at what you tolerate from your autistic DC.
But you know her, I don’t, and it may well be the latter!
Don’t let it get you down, OP. You have enough on your plate, without giving headspace to analysing some daft post online. If this friend is more of a pain than she’s worth, just gradually stop seeing her.
Are there any autism support groups locally, where you can meet up with other parents who absolutely do “get it” about asd DC? It must be infuriating and exhausting having to continually correct your friends misconceptions about your child’s behaviour.

Solongtoshort · 31/08/2019 10:06

If l were you l would send it right back and say your right l don’t need this kind of judgement from my friends please don’t send me anything like that again.

I have s friend (she is my friend not my child’s) who brings my children sweets ALL THE TIME.........

She pointed out how noisy and boisterous they are compared to her children and upon leaving one day said to my dc “be good for your mum” l was livid, like all children mine have silly moments they are not particularly naughty (maybe annoying sometimes). The next time she came round l said no keep your sweets for your three and she replied “no l don’t let mine eat this much sugar” so l asked her why it was ok for mine to have it.

We don’t socialise regularly anymore.

dollydaydream114 · 31/08/2019 10:09

This is a person who thinks they will grow out of it and just need a telling off (he does get told off for bad behaviour) They also once said they couldn't put up with it and if they were there's they would be in care by now.

And you consider them a ‘friend’? They’re horrible. Tell them to fuck off.

Cwtches123 · 31/08/2019 10:12

That person is not a friend and you need to step away from them. You don't need people around you who don't understand and accept asd.

HypatiaCade · 31/08/2019 10:19

Send back 'You are so right! I realise that I have tolerated too much from you and you no longer respect my boundaries'.

Sagradafamiliar · 31/08/2019 10:26

It's very relevant but not in the way she intended.

Catbrat · 31/08/2019 10:34

She isn't a friend, friends are mean to build you up and support you, she's doing nothing but putting you down and judging you. Get rid of her.

Catbrat · 31/08/2019 10:35

Do as @HypatiaCade suggests!

BeBraveAndBeKind · 31/08/2019 10:49

I'd be cutting her off. If she thinks that he'll grow out of ASD, she'll never be a decent support to you and will therefore just be a drain. I agree with a pp suggestion of finding a local support group. My eldest has ASD and there's something great about being with a bunch of people who just get what you're going through and can offer practical.advicee and support from that place of experience.

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