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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Refuse to speak to MIL

6 replies

Daisyjane78 · 31/08/2019 09:08

Probably an age old problem but after 23 years together with DH my MIL has turned into a complete bitch, i mean i suspect she always has been but has managed to hide it well. She's never warmed to me, when DH and i got together he'd just split from his 2 kids mum after she left him for another man and i suppose our relationship moved very quickly, we were married within 6 months and am pretty sure she wanted them to reconcile. Anyway 23 years and 4 kids later here we still are! We have a great family unit, i have a very good relationship with his two older girls and all our kids are very close to each other. The problem is that from day dot she has always tried to keep our kids separate, she never made as much effort to see our kids as she did the two girls and all basically because i wouldn't let her buy my children! I'm apparently ungrateful because i like to provide for my own children by going to work. I wanted to teach my kids that everything should be earned not given! In the last couple if years she has completely cut me off, won't come to the house unless I'm not here, meets my kids by themselves, refuses to acknowledge my existence completely and for the first time this year didn't send me a birthday card. She stopped talking to DH just before xmas because he didn't agree with an opinion she had and that pissed me off, so I've now said i want nothing more tondo with her. Am i being unreasonable?
Sorry for sketchy story, too much for one post lol

OP posts:
elvis86 · 31/08/2019 09:12

It sounds like she's already decided she wants nothing to do with you, so YANBU.

If she doesn't acknowledge you and hasn't spoken to your husband since before Christmas, then you don't really have a problem do you? Confused

Nanny0gg · 31/08/2019 09:13

What wouldn't you let her buy?

Daisyjane78 · 31/08/2019 09:22

Sorry @elvis86 forgot to say she decided to start talking to him again around June, i encourage him to have a relationship with her, its his mum after all. @Nannyog everything lol school uniform, holidays, days out, toys. Of course i accept the kids have treats and thats fine but she would always out do whatever presents we could afford to get on birthdays and christmas. When my daughter was pregnant she got angry because i wanted to pay for the pram and she insisted she buy it 'to help out', she got up and walked out on me because i stood my ground, i said there would be lots if other things she could help out with but she was fuming with me!

OP posts:
Chocolatelover45 · 31/08/2019 09:29

Why do people not realise they are only helping if the person on the receiving end actually finds it helpful? Otherwise it's just them bossing you around.
If you offer to help and it's politely declined, for goodness sake leave it at that!

Daisyjane78 · 31/08/2019 09:36

I have just been brought up beingvtaught that if you want something, you get off your bum and go and earn it. My DM had 5 of us and so money was short, we were not hiven anything unless it was needed! And to be fair if she was looking down she'd be proud because all of us are hard workers and none of us live above our stations. I am just frustrated that somebody can dislike you so much for being independent Hmm

OP posts:
allgoodinthehood · 31/08/2019 10:30

She doesn't like you because she cant control you. Its got nothing to do with being independent at all.

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