Was she being unreasonable saying this to my ds?

[PooGates]

ds’ started school this week lovely little village school head come out to greet them all fab. Ds has a nasty scar on his forehead from bad accident couple years ago we’ve been having scar therapy treatment for it so it’s less noticeable than it was.
Head comes over to meet him asks his name he replied I’m xxx she said you should be called Harry with that big scar like Harry Potter.
I didn’t say anything just changed the subject but I told my horrified family they couldn’t believe the head with say such a thing.
I can be overly sensitive about his scar because it was such a traumatic time but I don’t think she was being mean just thoughtless I don’t know was it nasty?! Was she unreasonable?

Was your son upset?

No witch I don’t think he really took it in was distracted at the time saying bye to some his friends.

PooGates I notice you said you are overly sensitive about the scar, more importantly how does your son feel about it ?

My dd has a scar down the middle of her forehead - acquired when she was a toddler - which we have always called her Harry Potter scar. When she was about 14 she had the standard school photograph. When we got the proof of it, her scar had been airbrushed out. Dd was not in the least bit grateful for this- she was livid. She sees the scar as an important part of her.

Although I can see why your family were horrified by the comments (and I’m sure dh would have been, not least because he blames himself for the scar), I definitely agree with the pp saying a matter of fact approach to it is the best.

I think it all depends on the tone of voice she used when saying it. I like ladybee’s post

It was said in a lighthearted way almost like it was impressive ‘ohh yes we should call you Harry like Harry Potter with that scar’ on reflection I do think it was done to make it seem cool as others have suggested.

I think she was probably trying to be nice but yes, she shouldn’t have said anything if you or your son hadn’t mentioned it first.

Apart from it just being generally bad form to comment uninvited, the thing with scars is that you never know how the person got them and they might not want to be reminded of that. I have a friend overseas who suffered a horrific ordeal when she was in her mid-teens, during which a man (among other, far worse things in a very prolonged attack) cut her face with a knife. And it’s amazing how often complete strangers ask her how she got the resulting scar - which is understandably traumatic for her.

I've a dd who is missing her hand. She is always asked about it in any new setting and she finds it immensely boring.

However bringing it out into the open in a way that says "oh that doesn't matter" is often the best way to treat it. If people don't ask then they whisper about it, which is far worse.

Thing is they will be asked. Especially by a bunch of four year olds. At that age, the way you react will determine far more what they think about it than anything else.
We've always gone for the boring: "I was born like that." That age usually then just accept it and assume some people are born with blue eyes, some people are born with brown hair, some people are born with one hand.
Some people choose to go for the "cool" exciting answer. "It was bitten off by a shark." You'd be amazed what a hero that can make a four year old