Babies and social media

[IseeAnnoyingPeople]

Hi all. Please be gently with me 🤭 First time mum here so i may be a bit precious.
I've got SIL that makes me feel irrelevant sometimes and that i don't matter. She adores my LO but ignores me sometimes or doesn't speak to me just plays with DS so before i do anything i just need an opinion on whether AIBU.

Social media...i know people do post pictures of their babies, kids on it and i have posted few pictures of my LO but would i be unreasonable to tell her not to post any videos of my DS on social media? I think due to the fact i am the parent i should at least be asked if its okay to post anything and not to find out after the fact videos or pictures been already posted and commented on. She has loads of friends on social media soooo plenty of people are going to see it as well and that makes me feel a bit uncomfortable.

Sooo AIBU and if i am how to deal with it??

How is she your sil? Ideally I think whoever has the direct relation should have the conversation with them to communicate to your sil in the first instance.

Two things here:

1. does your SIL know how you feel? If not then she will just be posting with happy abandon because she thinks it’s normal. Personally I would ask first but such is the normalcy and prevalence of Insta/FB that almost everyone seems to post first, like it’s normal.

2. If you want her not to post? Then you really need to do the same to ensure it’s held to. FWIW my wife and I don’t post any pics of our children online, at all, ever. So no one else from our family or social group does either. ANd if they want to, they ask, and we can easily and breezily explain why not. Never had a problem or anyone go against this

I think it's polite to ask the parent before posting content of their child. It's basic politeness.

But if she's likely to get moody or petty over it, you could just develop a personal policy. You don't need to make a big deal of it, just drop her a message saying it's great you want to share moments with DC but I'm keeping their social media footprint limited to what me and DP share, until they're old enough to express a preference themselves.

I think its fine to have that convo but its a little harder given than you post pics of your DS.

I see nothing wrong with this. When dd was born we told everyone that we wanted to control what photos and videos went on to sm. We set up a private page for her where people can post their photos or videos of her and family/friends.

Only one person has posted a photo but it was dd with cousins so I wasnt too worried .

I post photos of dd but they are very few and only ones i would want in a more public area

I don’t think it’s unreasonable, but then I think the same rule needs to apply to everyone - so instead of singling her out just ask the whole family to let you know before posting videos.

In Italy it is illegal to post a picture of a child under the age of consent. We should think about that a little. Once you post that picture is out there and cannot be reclaimed. Personally I dont think we should post pictures of children Parents are entitled to ask others not to

Personally it sounds really petty. Your SiL doesn't like you but adores your children. It sounds like you don't want her to be seen as this lovely Aunty because she's mean to you.

Instead of worrying about social media, I'd get to the root cause of the issue between you and SiL. By putting this ban in place you'll only add more friction to the relationship.

I think Pinkblueberry is right in that it has to be consistent with all family. It's not unreasonable to want to control content of your child, but singling one person out is an easy way to create friction.

@Cornettoninja she is my DH sister. We do not put many pictures of DS on sm as once picture/ video is posted it cant be reclaimed. I have told him that but he wont speak to her as they don't have a good relationship.

@GinDaddy she probably doesn't but it wouldn't hurt to ask if its okay? I wouldn't post someone else's baby picture or video online. Personally i think videos are much worse than pictures. I don't want her to share with people i don't know my DS first milestones.

confusedbeetle I have lots of Italian people on my fb and they post pictures of their DC all the time. Although, anything official eg 'swimming pool opening day' or 'local fete' all DC have emojis in front of their faces.

I don't think you are being unreasonable to tell her to ask you before posting.
If she doesn't listen report the photos to facebook

YABU.

Double standard. You aren’t giving your child the choice over whether they are on social media (obviously as a baby they have no idea, but at some point they will come to learn there are years of images of them out there), so I don’t think you have the right to tell anyone else what they can put out there.

You’re either keeping them off social media or you aren’t. You can’t choose who puts them there imo

If your dh hasn’t got a good relationship with her then I think I’d be inclined just to tell her and to hell with her strops if that’s how she wants to be. It’s your child and you speak for them till they’re old enough to do it themselves. SIL can do one, she doesn’t get a vote.

I’d prewarn your DH though.

@LolaSmiles she will get petty over it because thats what she is like and thats why i cane here to make sure i am not being precious.

@ButterflyOne1
We don't have good relationship which we were trying to make better for the sake of DS and the whole family. but she only changed her behaviour towards me for a few months and now its back to how she used to be. I don't stop her from seeing DS but she makes the situations soo awkward and i feel like i am invisible.
If she would be in my shoes she wouldn't let go of stuff and bit her tongue like i have in many occasions only to keep the peace.

Anywayyy i don't mind an odd picture posted every couple of months but not videos no one else posted any videos of DS on sm only SIL recently hence this post.
We will let the whole family know not to put videos of DS online i wasn't going to single her out. My mistake for wording it wrong.

Not unreasonable at all. I don't have social media and I always tell my family, friends and childminder to not put pictures of my DS on there.

@Cornettoninja
I already told him 😂 he only said do what you want hahah. I was going to tell her to take the video down but no point as people already commented on it etc.

If she's likely to get petty then a personal policy is the way forward.

It's from a book called "The life changing magic of not giving a fuck". There's a brilliant section on friends and family. The idea is that when you know someone is likely to create drama or petty conflict, rephrase your objection as a personal policy.

E.g. instead of BIL, no I don't want to sponsor you for get another holiday dressed up as charity so stop hitting and sending me your gofundme page, you say "I've got a personal policy on my charity donations. With lots of friends and family who all have their own causes it would feel wrong for me to prioritise some over others so I arrange my own charity donations".
Its much harder for them to argue with without sounding like an arse.

In your situation you can say "we've a personal policy on DC's social media. We're happy for occasional updates from us but are asking friends and family not to post videos and content". Hard for her to argue without being an arse