Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What do you think of Fil's comment?

30 replies

AndroidB · 30/08/2019 14:19

I was at my inlaws house and bil and sil were mentioning that their friend was having her third baby. Step Fil's (as it's DH's step dad) only comment on the matter was "you think that by now they would have learnt to use contraception". He definitely wasn't joking given the tone of his voice. No one said anything about it or called him up on it. I should have at the time but didn't have the courage, and no doubt others would have jumped to his aid and defended him.
I know it's just a throw away commeny but AIBU to think it's a nasty and non of his business how many children other people have. Step Fil has no children of his own. He in general isn't that keen on people having children and can be vocal about it. He wasn't happy for us when me and dh were having a baby.

OP posts:
Rivkka · 30/08/2019 14:22

Wouldn't bother me at all.

emilybrontescorsett · 30/08/2019 14:23

Wow he sounds delightful.
I wonder if he has been sterilised as he is such an advocate of birth control.
Fair enough to decide you don’t want kids but no need for that comment.
Is he a kind step father I wonder seeing as he didn’t want kids but married a woman with at least 2?
Why did he even do that I wonder.

Original poster
AndroidB · 30/08/2019 14:23

*ops that should be it's a nasty comment not just nasty

OP posts:
SallyWD · 30/08/2019 14:24

I wouldn't have given it a second thought. It would have gone right over my head.

TheNavigator · 30/08/2019 14:25

I think quite a few people disapprove of larger families (I am a bit judgy myself, to be honest, but keep my mouth shut in public). It was a throwaway remark and he is entitled to that opinion. I'd let it go.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/08/2019 14:25

Just ignore him. Why even bother getting into a row over something so stupid.

Confusedbeetle · 30/08/2019 14:25

Unpleasant and unnecessary. Dont dignify it with an answer

MummysBusy · 30/08/2019 14:27

He's entitled to his opinion, you're entitled to think he's an arsehole! I wouldnt let it phase me really.

Toneitdown · 30/08/2019 14:27

Um... This is Mumsnet. The party line here is that children are bad for the environment and no one should be having them. You will not find sympathy here lol.

missmouse101 · 30/08/2019 14:28

None not non. I agree, it was rude of him but I'd have just ignored him.

Knitclubchatter · 30/08/2019 14:28

People are allowed to have different views on children.
It’s certainly not an unusual comment, and much nicer than the one about keeping legs closed.

violashift · 30/08/2019 14:30

It would not bother me either.

VladmirsPoutine · 30/08/2019 14:31

Yes it was rude and he probably should have kept it to himself but I couldn't get worked up over it. I'd call out racism, sexism, whateverism.. but that comment would have just made me roll my eyes and carry on.

Original poster
AndroidB · 30/08/2019 14:32

emilybrontescorsett mil has 3 children. He did not marry and move in with mil until dh was at university so not much step fathering. He can be a bit uptight, controlling and doesn't tolerate any mess in his house. He can be quite snobby as well

OP posts:
Alsohuman · 30/08/2019 14:33

🙄

colourlessgreenidea · 30/08/2019 14:37

He can hold whatever opinions he likes, regardless of whether they are particularly pleasant or not.

You know that this is his view on children, so you can’t have been overly surprised that he vocalised this (as seemingly he’s very forthcoming with his opinions). I wouldn’t waste any further time or energy on it.

The most frustrating thing for the over-opinionated is to have their opinions ignored Wink

Courtney555 · 30/08/2019 14:37

Perhaps he's regretful that he never had any of his own, and it makes him feel good to act like he intended that, rather than he's missed out on something he actually, deep down, really wanted.

Better for his ego to pretend the issue is it's a stupid idea for others to have children than admit that he has lost the opportunity for himself.

BrittleJoys · 30/08/2019 14:38

It’s certainly not an unusual comment, and much nicer than the one about keeping legs closed.

This. I couldn't get exercised about it, to be honest.

PaquitaVariation · 30/08/2019 14:39

Wouldn’t occur to me to be bothered by it at all. It’s the sort of thing lots of people might say in their own home.

littlepaddypaws · 30/08/2019 14:54

a bit twaty to say but no big deal really.

dollydaydream114 · 30/08/2019 15:07

He sounds like a twat, but he has a right to express his opinion. If he'd said it about you, then yes, by all means tell him he's rude, but he didn't. He said it about some people you don't know and who weren't even there to hear it being said, so are not remotely harmed by his comment.

It isn't really up to you to 'pull him up' on his views on people having children. You may disagree with his view (as do I) but that doesn't mean his view isn't valid. Absolutely no point in you starting an argument with him about a throwaway grumpy remark.

My dad actually loves babies, has three kids of his own and was an ace parent, but his standard response to a third pregnancy announcement is 'Blimey, I'd have thought you'd have guessed what's causing it by now.' Admittedly it's always obvious he's joking, though.

Abouttimemum · 30/08/2019 15:15

Wouldn’t have bothered me. I might have agreed depending on friend’s circs.

One of my family members has three kids with three different dads in quick succession and can’t afford any of them. Said all 3 were accidents. Hasn’t done a day’s work in her life a drives an Audi and has a 3 bedroom house. None of the kids see their dads. Complains that the government doesn’t look after her children. It infuriates me and if (when) she gets pregnant again I’ll be equally judgemental. Sadly it’s all too common really.

That said the friend is allowed to have a third if she wants and can afford it. Comment still wouldn’t have bothered me though.

KUGA · 30/08/2019 15:17

My retort to that comment would have been,Oh if only I would have known your mother before you were conceived.

Bourbonbiccy · 30/08/2019 15:37

Really?? What do you think you should have said !!!!

It was a throw away remark about somebody else's friend, not even your friend. If you SIL or BIL want to "defend" their friend...fine, but you really don't need to be offended on the friends behalf.

Kplpandd · 30/08/2019 15:41

Its nine of FILS business is it. My fil always makes comments like this.

Swipe left for the next trending thread