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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not wanting to visit Parents

5 replies

ImS00verit · 30/08/2019 14:09

Hi all, I've name changed for this because it could be outing.

Basically, my parents and siblings live in a very small house (my childhood home) it is very poorly kept and since I moved out 5 years ago there is no space for me anymore.

I visit a few times a year and stay in the house (airbed it sofa which is fine in itself). I visit high days and holidays that kind of thing and I've been shortening my visits every time due to the way the house is and the attitude of my family towards it and me.

My AIBU here is could I get away with not staying with them anymore/visiting until things are sorted?

They're adults and I'm not trying to give them an ultimatum but I am uncomfortable being there and it triggers so much anxiety and brings up difficult things from being younger. Every time I go I have frank conversations about things at home and up until recently I did my best to help out but there isn't any point if they wont maintain it or make helpful changes. They just get upset at me then guilt me for saying something. Then won't stop talking to me about things when I'm not there so I don't understand how they want me to be involved.

I'd miss them and it would limit me being able to see family and friends who live near them because I can't really afford to stay elsewhere.

I'm not even sure if I could go through with not seeing them but after this last time a few weeks ago I'm at the end with it and just want to see what opinions others have in this.

Please be gentleFlowers

OP posts:
thecatinthetwat · 30/08/2019 14:12

Meet them elsewhere and stay on a friends sofa when visiting friends.

You can’t interfere with how they choose to live, but equally can’t be expected to stay there if you dywant to.

lifecouldbeadream · 30/08/2019 18:08

If you do high days and holidays, are there any universities/youth hostels nearby- they can offer cheap options.

WorraLiberty · 30/08/2019 18:14

Travelodge rooms start at £29, could you not put a few quid away now and then?

Jemima232 · 30/08/2019 18:18

It doesn't sound like they're going to make any changes any time soon OP.

The Travelodge idea - or a friend's sofa or spare room would be a good compromise.

Would they be very upset if you didn't stay at the house?

ImS00verit · 30/08/2019 19:43

Thanks for the replys. I guess I wouldn't use the word 'interfere' with their lives but I guess that's because of the conversations we have about how things are, but I see what you're saying.

I could put some money away to do that but yes they would be very offended. It's not like they wouldn't know why but they would be very upset.

OP posts:
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