Terrible feeling of impending doom

[PrincessandthePeach]

Posting here for traffic, I have a history of anxiety, panic and depression along with suicidal ideation and self harm.
Things have been really difficult for a while now, surrounding ongoing childhood trauma. The last couple of days have been really challenging. I've been very low on myself, self harmed again and have only had 5 hours sleep in 72 hours.
This afternoon I have got a terrible feeling that something awful is going to happen, I feel like my chest is being crushed and I'm terrified. I feel like if I move I'm going to die. I don't know what to do.

You must get medical help

You poor thing I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I know exactly the feeling you're talking about and I understand it's almost impossible not to spiral once the anxiety takes hold of you physically.

Have you spoken to any medical professionals about this? I know it's hard but when I was prescribed propranolol it changed my life.

You take the dose recommended by your doctor as you feel an anxiety attack looming and it basically helps massively reduce the physical symptoms of it - so the racing heart, overheating, physical panic.

Personally for me it helped to lift me just enough to then calm down and even if still incredibly anxious it stopped the "fuck I'm going to die" feeling.

I know it sounds bullshit now and I used to get REALLY annoyed when people suggested it to me but adult colouring books helped distract me, as did trying to hone in on something to zone out - I never knew someone could watch so many episodes of Frasier in a few days each time.

Im so sorry you're going through this, it really is the worst feeling and until someone has had it themselves I think it's hard to understand.

Do you have anyone who can take you to A&E? it sounds like you need the Crisis team OP as you are struggling

You did a good thing posting here hun, so now please reach out in the real world and ask for help xx

I would urge you to speak to your GP if possible. Call and see if you can get an emergency appointment...explain to the reception how you are feeling. Lack of sleep alone can really fuck without head anyone let alone on top of everything you are dealing with

I should add I know exactly how you are feeling xx

And agree with PP - you do need to seek medical help ASAP. They will likely refer you to CAHMS.

When I was referred I was suicidal and having almost constant panic attacks that made me think I would die anyway. They agreed a plan of action, they came to visit me every day for a couple of weeks and agreed that if I didn't answer / wasn't at home they would report me as missing, which helped make sure I didn't just go into full hermit mode.

I wasn't showering, brushing teeth, eating, sleeping, anything but having medical support got me through.

Please ask for help, there are people trained to get you through this

You need to go to A and E, right away

Please get to A&E, they can help you get through this.

Thanks for your replies so far. I've managed to get an emergency GP appointment for 3:30 this afternoon. I've had to come on my own as no one could take me. I'm panicking that I'm going to look stupid and I feel like I'm going to throw up.
Last month I was admitted overnight after I took an OD as an attempt to end my life. I don't have an active suicide plan nor do I currently feel suicidal - just extremely overwhelmed and on edge.

Oh OP that's brilliant and I know how hard it will have been to pick up the phone and get an appointment today - well done you

If you are worried about feeling silly and think it might make you minimise how bad you're feeling or forget what you want to say then it's worth scribbling down everything and bringing in the note with you.

Before now I've frantically typed my feelings into notes in my phone and then shown the note to the doctor during the appointment.

Really hope it goes ok and they have some suggestions of how to help you in the immediate situation then you can work with them on a plan for moving forwards.

Here for a (virtual) hand hold if you need it! x

Oh, sweetheart. I do feel for you. You can come out on the other side of childhood trauma and one day your sun will come back out and you will smile again. Please believe this. I am living proof that it's true.

It's courageous when you're in this state to pick up the phone and make that appointment, but you've done the best thing possible for yourself. You must also find the courage to attend and see this through, no matter how overwhelming it may feel. You've take that all-important first step and recognised how badly you need help: always the toughest stage of all.

EMDR therapy helped me no end (I suffered from cPTSD). After a year and a half's therapy I'm now convinced I'm really well. It will be a long process, but this doesn't have to define you for the rest of your life.

Sending you a huge hug

Thanks so much to everyone for your lovely replies and thoughts!
Doctors was okay - didn't feel that the doctor was very understanding though. However, he has prescribed a few diazepam tablets so I'm hoping they will get me through the weekend and allow me to sleep and feel more relaxed.
He also said that he is going to write to the mental health team to request that they see me more urgently.
I am also waiting for counselling to deal with the past. I do also have c-ptsd and the effects of it are extremely obvious in my daily life. I'm hoping that the counselling will help me deal with everything around my negative self image and thoughts.

I'm sorry they weren't as understanding as they could have been my love but WELL DONE for going!

Honestly some days when I managed to make an appointment like that it felt like I had actually climbed Everest so I get how draining today must have been for you.

That's good that in the short term you have some diazepam to manage in the very short term (especially as although it shouldn't be, it is harder to get help on weekends).

Make sure you take the dose suggested and give it a chance - I was guilty of sometimes taking another one if I still felt panicky after a few minutes and then I wouldn't have enough for the few days they were prescribed for. Hope that makes sense.

Do you have any family or friends who can be a bit of an advocate for you and chase for you? My mum called CAHMS every day when I was at my worst, begging them for quicker appointments.

I had become totally apathetic and given up so having someone to do the chasing for you can be brilliant so you don't slip between the cracks in the system.

Really well done again for going

Ps I started a thread under a different name a year or so ago in the midst of a full blown panic attack, I thought I was dying.

MNetters kept me company, distracted me and rescued me by me not feeling totally alone! One night this was from about 1am to the next morning when I could call my doctor. I hadn't slept for two full nights and was in a bad place.

Some lovely Australian MNetters even kept speaking to me when UK ones went to bed / school run etc. So never feel alone and do keep posting if you find it's helping

Take care

Sending you good thoughts tonight and hoping you get some sleep. If you find it helpful using this as a sounding board then do keep posting but no pressure

Huge hugs to you OP. I've been through this and it's horrendous. Deep breaths