To think I have Aspergers?

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Ever since I was a child I’ve felt like an alien. I couldn’t understand why everyone thought I was weird. I couldn’t understand why nobody was interested in the stuff I was interested in. All the girls were into typical “girls stuff” whilst I was obsessed with musketeers, ninjas, mutant hero turtles, the karate kid etc. I had no friends. Teenage years were the same. I had no interest in boys, make up, popular music etc - I was obsessed with heavy metal, dogs and ninjas/samurais. I again had no friends.

I’m late 30s now and it’s just the same. I can’t hold a conversation. I have no interest in people and they have no interest in me. All I think about is dogs. All I care about is dogs. I get utterly obsessed with stuff where I can spend hours looking up facts and info which I then want to share with DH and he has to tell me that actually, he isn’t really interested in the torture methods used in the medieval times etc. I spend my life in a day dream. I have to communicate with people as I work but I notice people treat me like a child - talk all “nicey nicey” to me, smile sympathetically at me etc
I get stressed out at the thought of being in a room with people as my conversation skills are so shit I say weird and inappropriate stuff - they’re all talking about love island and I want to talk about how samurai became ninja. I’m nearly 40.
Repetitive sounds make me want to break something. All my clothes are too big as I can’t cope with anything constricting me even slightly. I have to concentrate on eye contact. I have little empathy. The adverts on starving children in third world countries might as well be McDonald’s adverts in my head. I went to the gp with all this and have been referred for assessment as gp thinks I have aspergers. I agree. Everyone else says there is no way, I’m just quirky. It’s getting harder to cope. The masking is so tiring.

The lack of empathy certainly points to something

Sorry to hear you are struggling. You have a connection with your husband ? How did that come about?

Op, I don’t at all think you are unreasonable to take up the appointment the GP has offered you. None of us can tell us if you have autism though - there are very specific procedures to follow before a diagnosis. Aspergers as a diagnosis has been removed from the current DSM (the diagnostic handbook) so I don’t think you will get a diagnosis of that specifically - it has been all rolled into autism. The traits you describe do sound similar to DD who has a diagnosis. I’ve also read adults who describe being relieved at receiving a diagnosis as it explains why they feel different. I think it’s fine as long as you realise a diagnosis won’t change anything. You will still be you but it will hopefully give you access to help so you can find ways of making it less tiring and overwhelming. I do hope that you find the support so it is less overwhelming

DH and I met through online dating. Ironically he has an autistic son and he said he was drawn to my “quirkiness” and the fact that I was different and interesting. I felt the same about him, he was childish, didn’t take himself too seriously and shared a lot of my interests (such as adventure seeking, urban exploring and travelling). He’d never thought he could realistically do these things before he met me but as I have little sense of danger etc I showed him that we could ☺️

yeah sounds like you probably are.

Firstly, if you want to pursue a diagnosis, go to your GP and tell them that youd like to be referred for autism assessment. Your doctor will probably ask you why you think that, and then theyll either refer you on, or they might try and say theres no point etc, in which you can tell them that you think you need answers, or whatever your reasons are.

Then you will likely have to have an assessment to see whether they think you need assessing further.

It might take a bit of time with waiting lists etc, but actually I found the process smoother than I did for getting my children assessed.

Having a diagnosis has helped me accept myself and its helped me give myself a break about some of the things I struggle with. It has been a good thing

Everyone else says there is no way, I’m just quirky

I wouldn't worry about what other people say about whether they think you have Asperger's or not - they're not qualified to assess you and if you are 'masking' certain traits they're not seeing the real you anyway. Women are often a lot better at masking autistic traits than men are.

You have a professional assessment coming up so I think you need to wait for the results of that rather than diagnosing yourself (or asking Mumsnet to diagnose you!) but your suspicions are certainly very reasonable - I would think the same thing if I were in your position.

I get the impression that if you are diagnosed as having Asperger's you will get a lot of validation from that and it might be a relief to you, so fingers crossed the assessment is helpful and that you get plenty of advice and support that will hopefully make your life a bit easier.

I'm glad you have a nice, supportive DH - it sounds like he understands you very well and that you are very well-suited to each other.

I hope you get some answers from the assessment. It does sound to me that what you’ve said all points to an Autistic Spectrum Condition. I hope you find some peace and acceptance from this process.

None of this makes you an alien. I think self acceptance is a big part of this process and after that you’ll understand why you feel the way you do. All the best xx

I got diagnosed six months ago and honestly. It was the best thing to have heard about myself , I finally knew who I was at last . I'm in my 30s .
Your description of yourself does definitely point to aspergers.

Autism isn't a bad thing it's actually great

I would say it’s likely, yes. You have some very obvious traits.

I've worked with a few autistic people and I think it would be worth finding out in your case. You're obviously finding things a bit hard and you might find it a relief to know if there's a specific reason for that.

I've read that autism in girls often presents itself slightly differently and that could well be the same for adult women. The stereotypical impression of what autistic people are like is based on characteristics that are more prevalent in boys and men. That could explain why people are saying they don't think the diagnosis fits.

One a completely unrelated subject - you said you like to talk about "how samurai became ninja" and it sounds as if you're pretty well-informed on that subject. I thought I had read somewhere that ninjas were originally poorer people who trained themselves in fighting skills to defeat the samurai, who were rich landowners. Have I got that all wrong?

The lack of empathy certainly points to something

I think a diagnosis would help as I’ve spent my entire life wondering why I’m so different, why do I struggle with simple things? Why do I need to plan a 10 minute walk to the shop as if it’s a mass expedition? I know it won’t change anything but the answers would mean everything

We need to plan everything so we know what's going to happen .
Do you ever find yourself asking who's going to be there?, what time are we leaving ?, what time are we back ? , how will we get there and back ?, what will we do there ?, where is this place ?, what's there?, how far is it ?,😁
Once you have a diagnosis it's like it's okay to be you and you never have to wonder why again .

Do you find yourself getting anxious if plans suddenly change ?