Should we let him stay

[MajorAngel]

Name changed as this possibly could be outing

So my OHs twin brother has asked to stay with us for a bit so he can get his own place. Because his mum and stepdad are always shouting at him over little things are are quite rude to him calling him stupid etc. And they don't accept that he's gay (his mum is very religious and doesn't believe in it).

Problem is he had a drug addiction for 2 years (last year and year before) but now he doesn't take them.

Really not sure. Wwyd?

Forgot to add we also have a 10mth old

If he’s clean, you have the space and you set a clear time limit at the beginning, why not?

a) Do you have the space?

b) What does your OH think?

c) Will he muck in/fit in?

d) Will this leave you out-of-pocket, or will he pay his way?

e) Does everyone get on?

If the answers to these questions are mostly positive, why not?
If mostly negative, then why? Formulate your assertive "no!"

I would let him stay, with a set deadline for moving out.

I think it’s a recipe for disaster.

No. You have a child. Do not have an addict in the house.

Depends how long he has been clean. 1 week - no chance. Over 6 months - yes, probably.

Does he work, can he save, will he pay rent and do chores.
Reliably clean?

this thread will not end well

unless there is backstory/drip feed.sounds like the poor man has been through the shit/treated like shit and need someone to give him a break/chance

I would but I'd be clear that it was on a trial basis...and that if after the first two months, you decide it's not working then you will give him a week's notice to move out.

That way, if he's serious about getting his shit together but just needs some support, you will see his efforts immediately.

Does he have a job? I'd make finding a job a condition too. Anyone should be able to find a job within 2 months.

which drug was addiction?

Only if he's been clean at least 6 months, and with a clear end game for leaving.

What @RainingFrogsAndHats said. Plus also taking into consideration how long he has been drug free. I’d want to help family, especially if they were living with a religious bigot who disapproved of something as fundamental as their sexuality.

I would say yes I think but with a clear time frame for leaving. His drug addiction/ use was possibly caused by living in a difficult environment and hopefully living with you will aid his recovery. I would have a zero tolerance clause for any drug use though and would make sure he is aware of that, making it very clear at the time I said yes. It might work out well?!

I would, but I'd have very firm house rules/expectations and I'd be open from the start that any fuckery that could impact negatively on your child (for example, taking any kind of drugs) would lead to him not having a place with you.

As others have mentioned, having parents like his must have been a nightmare which probably had a hand in his self-destructive behaviour.

Absolutely not!! Not with a child in the house.

I’d be saying no too

Asked to move in so he can save up? So he wouldn’t be paying his way and is asking you two to support an adult who just doesn’t fancy paying for the roof over his head and the utilities and food he’ll need? Can you afford a large adult sized pet? Does he work?

A drug addict? Good Lord NOOOOO!

What kind of drug? There’s a world between a weed smoker and a heroin addict.
Has he been clean long?
Would he be willing to take drug tests? Doesn’t need to be regular but if you had suspicions.
Will he pay his way?
Are oh’s parents known for having similar behaviour with other people or have you witnessed it?? (Not the homophobic stuff specifically just the general horrid attitude)
What’s he saving for a mortgage deposit or a first months rent? Difference in £100’s n £1000’s