My partner brings me no joy

[notanotherfucker]

Sorry, tried to post in relationships but think I've got it wrong.

I'm just wondering what others would do? My OH is not my kids dad but my son adores him ( dd not quite as much).

I really don't want to be with him but the thought of how upset my son would be is putting me off splitting up. We temporarily split last year and my son was distraught.

We sleep in separate rooms, there's no love and he is not for me.

Would you stay for your child?

I feel I should put their feelings before mine.

Of course not! Your child may "adore " him, but you are modelling his future norm for relationships and life. And this isn't a good model.

How old are the children?

I don't want to upset him though, his relationship with his own dad is intermittent and he has a close bond to my partner. Its just me that isn't happy, I think I'm being selfish.

Son is 13, daughter is 11, she's much more resiliant, he's quite emotional so it would upset him a lot.

Perhaps you could split and your partner could see your DS? Maybe funnel out contact eventually, but let DS see him for a while after the split and see how it goes

How long have you been together? What fears does your son have, he may have worries that you can reassure him about.

13? I thought you were going to say 5!
I think you need to encourage your son to mature and be more resilient, life is full of disappointments unfortunately,
You can’t stay in a crappy relationship to appease your son.

Don't prolong it, it will make it so much worse. Explain to your children why you are splitting up and tell your son that he can still see your ex if he (&ex) would like

That is a really sad situation.

I would definitely ask him to leave, it surely won't be a surprise with your relationship as is. You son can still keep contact with your partner, but they can see that you can be happy alone and if you go on to meet another, they can see what a healthy loving relationship looks like.

Oh and then your partner move into a happy, healthy relationship.

Your children will absolutely be aware of the bad atmosphere if you stay together only for their sake and it will not be good for them. Your son is 13 and you cannot let him dictate this choice.

You say your son adores your partner. What does your partner think of your son, though? If it’s reciprocal, would your partner not want to maintain a relationship with your son anyway? Presumably you’d allow that, if you split?

Been together 4 years. He's 13 but likes my oh as his own dad is a bit crap and he's just got me and his sister so looks upto him and sees him asa role model.

Oh, and also what you’re doing is very cruel to your poor partner as well. You need to allow him to move on and have another chance at happiness rather than being trapped with a woman who actively dislikes him.

Of course I would let them see each other but I'm worried partner would be awkward and not as he knows it would hurt me.

My partner knows we are more like housemates. We don't share a room.

There's not really a bad atmosphere, as I said we are both just like house mates.. There's just no love, we don't really argue.