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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this unfair?

38 replies

ImagineRainbows · 29/08/2019 16:31

Eldest child starts college next week for A levels and qualifies for a bus pass.

Me and her father are separated and share custody so she spends 4 days with me and 3 days with her dad. We live in separate but neighbouring towns. College is on the bus route of both towns.

Applying for her bus pass and they tell me she can only get the bus from one address and won’t be able to catch the bus from the other parents address. The bus goes to the stops at both addresses anyway but her pass would only be valid for one and she would need to pay for the bus at the other (same bus she would be using if she had the pass).

AIBU to think this is unfair? Surely if she qualifies she should get the pass from both addresses. This discriminates against children with parents who have separated and share custody surely.

She had a bus pass for high school and they had no problem adding a second pick up location on her pass so I’m sure it can be done.

OP posts:

elvis86 · 29/08/2019 16:38

Given that it's literally the same bus anyway (so presumably from one house she's just getting on later?), I agree that's nonsensical.

Not sure it's "unfair" though. Presumably the same rule is applied to everyone - one pickup stop per pass?

I'm not saying don't dispute or challenge it, but the default reaction that things that inconvenience people are somehow automatically "unfair" or "discriminatory" gets on my tits.

irishtwo · 29/08/2019 16:40

If it’s the one bus route can she not just have her stop as the one furthest away and then get on/off at the other one on days that she is staying there?

ScreamingValenta · 29/08/2019 16:43

Is it a specific bus for the college, or a public bus that happens to have the college on its route?

If the latter, I can see why they would do this - to stop people who don't have a genuine need using their passes to travel about on other journeys, not too and from college.

It's hard luck on your daughter, though - have you challenged the decision?

S0uthernBelle · 29/08/2019 16:47

Try having to pay £250 per term for a bus pass. Yep my 17 year old is just about to start his final year of A levels at our catchment school (and closest) and we have to pay £250 a term. No choice as we live rurally and no public transportation and both me and my husband work full time.

Original poster

ImagineRainbows · 29/08/2019 16:48

It’s a specific college bus, not a public bus. It’s the exact same bus she would get but different stops. The stops she gets on / off are printed on the pass and it says she will not be allowed to get on at any other stop that the one listed so even though dads house is 7 stops closer they will not let her get on there.

I have challenged this and they have refused. She will need to pay for the bus when she is at her dads. Except she can’t pay to get on the college bus as it’s pass only so she will need to get a public bus, 2 buses plus a 20 min walk rather than the direct college bus.

OP posts:

Original poster

ImagineRainbows · 29/08/2019 16:50

@S0uthernBelle I would look into that. I work full time, as does my partner. My daughters dad works also. She qualifies for the bus pass due to the distance from home to the college not due to income.

OP posts:

Fuckedoff1 · 29/08/2019 16:57

It's stupid. Did you manage to speak to the big banana when you challenged? If it goes to a jobsworth they will delight in telling you that those are the rules. If they won't budge it might be worth asking your MP?

S0uthernBelle · 29/08/2019 17:01

It’s policy here in Suffolk that the parents have to pay. School is about 10 miles away. It was the same when my now 20 year old was at college.

HypatiaCade · 29/08/2019 17:11

Can she catch the public bus from her dad's back to yours, and then catch the school bus, is that cheaper? Or bike riding from her dad's to your place in the morning, and catching the bus from there.

Tonnerre · 29/08/2019 17:23

the default reaction that things that inconvenience people are somehow automatically "unfair" or "discriminatory" gets on my tits.

The default kickback as soon as anyone mentions discrimination gets on mine. Obviously this is unfair: if OP's daughter only lived at one address she would get a bus pass for the entire week, because she has two addresses she doesn't - even though it can't cost the bus company or the college one penny extra to accommodate her.

Is the bus pass provided by the college or the local authority? If it's the LA they should have an internal appeal system, and the college also may have some sort of appeal mechanism.

Otherwise is it worth reconsidering the living arrangement so that, say, your DD is with you during the week and her father at weekends, but is with him more during college holidays?

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 29/08/2019 17:43

I hate rules like this, it isn't any inconvenience to the bus company and it is unfair as it is treating children of families where parents dont live together, differently. It's a ridiculous situation where someone has to stop contact with one parent in the week for the sake of getting on the same bus at a different stop. And I'm sure that 99pc of the people affected will be children staying at their other parent.

Mousetolioness · 29/08/2019 18:40

It is unfair and commonsense is not being applied. Your daughter isn't going to get twice any benefit is she? The inability of some organisations to deal with any situation outside the usual parameters is mind blowing tbh. Is it beyond their ability to issue two passes ach for use on specific days? Of course it isn't. They'd probably say it's a cost issue - at which point OP you'd probably offer to pay for the production cost wouldn't you?

BogglesGoggles · 29/08/2019 18:44

Forget unfair. It’s stupid. I would just keep escalating until some sees sense.

ShirleyPhallus · 29/08/2019 18:47

Sorry but you do have a choice, when you move somewhere rurally and decide to work full time you make the choice that transport will be trickier and you’ll have to work around it more than if you lived in a town

It’s irritating, but saying you have “no choice” is misleading

Kungfupanda67 · 29/08/2019 19:00

On the way home it won’t be a problem - the driver isn’t going to be checking what stop people are getting off at. She might just have to walk to the other stop the couple of days a week in the morning.

I would challenge it though, and if they say no (which I don’t think they will as long as both addresses are far enough away) then chat to the bus driver and explain the situation - hopefully you’ll have a sensible driver, but honestly the chances that the driver is checking every pass is unlikely

AllosaurusMum · 29/08/2019 19:05

Can she just go to your home after school each day and dad can pick her up on his way home?

thecatinthetwat · 29/08/2019 19:06

Write a letter explaining the situation, get response in writing and then forward on to your MP. I'm sure this can be sorted out.

It does discriminate against separate custody families.

RainbowJumpers · 29/08/2019 19:13

That seems very unfair to any children with separated parents, of which there will be many. I would challenge it.

DoomsdayCult · 29/08/2019 19:25

@ShirleyPhallus
”No choice as we live rurally and no public transportation and both me and my husband work full time.”

Why is it that anytime a rural person comments about costs of transportation, they are told “your choice to live there” by city dwellers who assume they actively moved there instead of being born, raised and from there. The same condescending smirky comment could be made towards any Londoners commenting about car exhaust, traffic noise, tube strikes, naked cyclists....show a little empathy.

DoomsdayCult · 29/08/2019 19:26

I would get my MP involved too. This is just a paperwork exercise. They should be able to allow two addresses on a pass for children from split parents.

ShirleyPhallus · 29/08/2019 19:38

they are told “your choice to live there” by city dwellers who assume they actively moved there instead of being born, raised and from there.

Being born and raised somewhere and deciding to continue living there is still a choice!

Soubriquet · 29/08/2019 19:42

It does seem a bit crazy since it’s the exact same bus just different stops

PatrickMerricksGoshawk · 29/08/2019 19:43

Is the closer address too close to college for her to qualify based on distance? So if she lived at the closer address full time, would she still qualify for a pass?

Queenbean · 29/08/2019 19:52

The same condescending smirky comment could be made towards any Londoners commenting about car exhaust, traffic noise, tube strikes, naked cyclists...

That would only be the same if those people said they had no choice at all but to live there

HillRunner · 29/08/2019 19:58

Living rurally isn't necessarily a choice. Plenty of people do jobs (e.g farming related) which simply can't be done in cities. City dwellers often seem to be totally blind to this though, and can't comprehend anyone living rurally except as part of some 'escape to the country' fantasy.

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