Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it me or my mum who is BU?

22 replies

mumaw · 29/08/2019 15:45

DM bought us a Joie travel system for DS when he was born. However, it is really bulky and I want a smaller, cheaper buggy for him. I have a small car boot so it means dismantling all of it so that it fits in. They did not ask me before buying it, I am grateful but wish they had given me the choice beforehand to choose what was best for us.

Mentioned to her that I was looking for a lightweight buggy and she has kicked off saying I am out of order and I have wasted her money. In all fairness, the pram is being used daily with DS car seat attached and we use the pushchair bit when out for longer periods of time.

Am I being unreasonable??

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 29/08/2019 15:47

Of course you're not being unreasonable. Your only mistake was in telling her about it.

Original poster
mumaw · 29/08/2019 15:48

To be fair @Aquamarine1029 she would have eventually found out anyway..

OP posts:
Chamomileteaplease · 29/08/2019 15:49

Stand your ground. She didn't ask you your opinion about a very important piece of kit. Tough.

Don't listen to her nonsense. Do what you have to in these pram filled days Smile.

Aquamarine1029 · 29/08/2019 15:52

You have to make the choice of either allowing her to treat you like a child and bend to her pressure or act like the adult you are and do what's best for you. She doesn't have to like your decisions and you certainly don't need her approval.

elvis86 · 29/08/2019 16:03

YANBU.

I might understand her being slightly (privately) miffed if you'd chosen the buggy you wanted her to buy, and ended up replacing it. But even then it's just one of those things.

But the fact that she just foisted it on you? I appreciate it was a generous gift, but you don't buy something like that or that expensive for someone without ascertaining what they actually want.

It'll be hard to voice that opinion without sounding ungrateful. I'd initially probably comment on how even if you've researched prams loads you never know with these things how you'll get on with them and what will be practical further down the line (hopefully she'll pick up the implication that you didn't even have chance to read up on what pram might suit you!).

But if it came to it and she carried on being a twat about it, I'd just tell her that you were grateful but it may have been best if you'd chosen your own pram.

Windydaysuponus · 29/08/2019 16:10

Reminds me of ils offering to buy a double buggy but they wanted to choose it!
Had a hissy fit when dh said can we all go look - and hurry up as ds was a few weeks old and I wanted to get out!!
Felt super awkward! Ils adamant well they would be pushing it if we were out with them...
And the one I chose mil couldn't even see over the handle anyway!
Help?? Hindrance and we look ungrateful!

Notagreatstart1234 · 29/08/2019 16:22

YANBU. I've had similar with my DM, e.g. insisting on getting DD a bike that she was too young for and then complaining about DD being "lazy" when she couldn't pedal it properly. Bloody nightmare because DD still can't pedal the damn thing very far and so I end up ruining my back dragging DD and bike home from the shops when she gets tired. But I get a massive guilt-trip from my mother if I mention that I want to get DD a little balance bike too, like the ones her friends have.

MO21305 · 29/08/2019 16:25

Why don't you sell it & give her the money, that negates her complaining about the waste of money.

CassianAndor · 29/08/2019 16:30

no, of course not. Did you seriously think you might be?

ellendegeneres · 29/08/2019 16:30

Op yadnbu. My mum bought my first pram (used it for second child too, was brilliant) but I chose it with her and it suited all my needs or I’d have said not to worry I’ll get it myself. It’s a really personal choice, you’re the one who will use it for however many years!

notagreat my youngest wouldn’t look at his balance bike to start with, but now tears around the garden on it he’s well happy with it. I’d definitely get one, I picked up mine second hand and didn’t pay very much at all- always some on Facebook market place, and my eldest went from using a balance bike to not using stabilisers, so I’d say it’s well worth it!

thecatinthetwat · 29/08/2019 16:36

But I get a massive guilt-trip from my mother if I mention that I want to get DD a little balance bike too, like the ones her friends have.

Oh dear, get her the balance bike and live with the guilt trip. The guilt goes away anyway and gets replaced by your own sense of joyous autonomy. Plus the joy of seeing dd enjoy balance bike!

Same to you op. Do what you need to do. The guilt will fade with the new fantastic ease of getting that pram in and out of the car!

Daisy38 · 29/08/2019 16:36

I had two - a bigger Silver Cross and a smaller foldable Graco. The Silver Cross was great when out a walk but we always took the Graco when out in the car as the Silver Cross took up the whole boot!

FlashingLights101 · 29/08/2019 16:56

Could you afford to give her the money she paid for it and then sell it and buy another? I know you'd be out of pocket, but it would at last get her off your back.

Failing that just tell her how grateful you are for it, but unfortunately, it's just too big to fit in your car easily, which of course she wouldn't have realised when buying it as she didn't discuss it with you in the first place , but perhaps she could come with you when you choose your next one? Or some other such platitudes to appease her?

PonderingPanda · 29/08/2019 17:01

FFS what is it with these parent's that still think they rule the roost over their adult children!

Or is it because the adult children don't stand up to them and remind them that they are adults now too.

OP - FGS get the equipment that you need. If my mother had had her way she'd have got me one of those huge non folding carriage built silvercross prams.

Anniegetyourgun · 29/08/2019 17:02

Or ask her to buy you a car with a bigger boot...!

hittheroadjack1 · 29/08/2019 17:32

Ynbu- been there! Mother in law bought a huge pram. Couldn't have the carrycot/buggy seat attached when folding it. I had to take the wheels off just to fit the chassis in my boot. I had a clio.

Used it for 6 months and just couldn't do it any longer, I bought myself a nice small foldable buggy that I could pop in and out of the car quickly. She wasn't happy but it wasn't her having to dismantle the thing and cram it into the boot of a small car.

We lived in a flat and the pram weighed a ton! Bumping it up and downstairs, flat tyres, even heavier with shopping, etc.

I dug it out when my daughter was born, used it once and sold it on. It was just far too heavy for me to push around and dismantle.

leghairdontcare · 29/08/2019 17:35

She's ridiculous buying a pram without your input anyway. I would have told her to take it back as it didn't fit in the boot. How overbearing of her.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 29/08/2019 17:36

She was being massively unreasonable buying you a pushchair without even asking you first.

I don't know why you accepted it tbh.

TowelNumber42 · 29/08/2019 17:38

she has kicked off saying I am out of order and I have wasted her money

No, she wasted her money by buying without consulting you first. She then wasted your time and energy coping with the wrong product and then this argument. Bollocks to that. She's the wastrel.

Original poster
mumaw · 29/08/2019 17:40

@hittheroadjack1 what pram did you buy?

OP posts:
Original poster
mumaw · 29/08/2019 17:40

@hittheroadjack1 buggy*

OP posts:
hittheroadjack1 · 30/08/2019 16:33

@mumaw I bought a secondhand babyjogger.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.