AIBU to having a headfuck about whether or not to go to this party?

[MargoLovebutter]

I'm friends with a group of mums through a sport that our children do. We meet up about once a month during term time in the evening and just have a glass of wine and a natter and have been doing that for about 5 years. I consider them to be friends.

I was invited to an end of summer party that one of them is having and didn't think twice before accepting.

Yesterday, I met the mum hosting the party in town and we were chatting. Out of the blue she said how surprised she was that I said yes to her party, as she knows how awkward these things must be for me, but at least X and her husband were going, so I'd know them. I am the only single mum of the group!

I've been a single mum for over 15 years now and whilst I've had a few relationships, I've been more single than in a relationship over the last 15 years, so I'm used to going to all social events on my own. I hadn't thought twice about going to the party, but now I feel awkward about it, as clearly this other mum thinks I that it is awkward that I will be there on my own!!!!

Jury of MN, what would you do?

I wouldn't give it a second thought and I would still go to the party! She does not speak for all of your friends ignore her!

Yes, just ignore the fool and carry on. Not everyone will be so stupid.

How rude of her, and what an odd thing to say, does she not go anywhere without her husband chaperoning her? No reason for you to feel awkward at all, it’s not like people are glued to their partners at parties anyway. Go anyway and have a good time with your other friends.

I'd feel sorry for someone who thinks in 2019 you need a chaperone to go somewhere.

I'd also be looking at other things she said to me to see if she normally does backhanded compliments. Maybe she had a brain fart and spoke without thinking but it does kind of sound like something said to undermine someone

She is honestly the nicest person ever, which is what has thrown me. She is so kind and thoughtful and never has a bad word to say about anyone.

She genuinely thinks that me being the only single person at a party full of couples (all of us proper gimmers in our 50s btw) will be in some way awkward.

I'm now wondering if I will be like a bloody freak show.

I honestly don't think she meant anything by it and you know how these things go - throughout the event the men will gravitate towards each other, as will the women. It won't be awkward.

She is honestly the nicest person ever, which is what has thrown me. She is so kind and thoughtful and never has a bad word to say about anyone.

As part of a couple she probably couldn’t contemplate attending something alone if she was single. It probably just came out all wrong but no, it won’t be like a freak show.

Even if we were both invited only one of us would go and one would stay home with the kids. Can't see how it's any different or an issue at all. How odd!

I managed to make a right tit of myself when talking to a colleague about my husband working away for a month where I basically implied something similar about social stuff I had on while he was away - colleague is widowed (for a number of years).

I felt like an absolute idiot and stuttered out an apology. What I basically meant was that I found it really hard going to stuff alone and I admired her for doing it. Obviously she doesn't have a choice but it sounded so bloody smug married from me.... Luckily she was lovely about it and got what I meant but I felt awful (still feel myself going hot just thinking about it!)

If she's usually lovely then she probably just had a bit of a moment like I did, please don't take it to heart!

If she's as nice as you say I'd write it off as an odd comment and think no more about it.

It's good (and right) that it hadn't crossed your mind that it would weird going as the only single person as you're used to it. FGS don't let her comment become a self-fulfilling thing and make you feel awkward! Having a "total headfuck" about going is completely OTT.

Even nice people can be condescending twats in their smug coupled-up-ness.

Don't even think about it, just go and have a lovely time.

Yes, go. She's just told you about her own insecurities, you don't have to carry them for her.

Lol elvis86 - only a total headfuck on MN. It isn't actually disrupting my day to day life!

I am wondering if I will have a lovely time though, or whether as the solitary single person at a party full of couples I will feel like a proper weirdo, like Bridget Jones with imaginary scales all over my body. I'm also worried that I'll only be able to speak to the women, as if I speak to the men, I'll look like some kind of husband snatcher.

Goddamn it, I'm so pissed off she said anything, because I hadn't thought about it before.

If there's only her and one other mum from the group attending that you know, who the hell else has she invited?!?

Ugh, laugh it off if you can.

I love my husband to bits, but if he could be magically disappear without any grief or fuss, I think I'd really enjoy being on my own! No negotiating my life, my space, my wishes - sounds great!

Her other friends I suppose FooFighter99.

If she is usually a really nice person then it's likely she was projecting how she would feel onto you. That is she assumes you may feel awkward because she would.
Just put it down to her having a foot I. Her mouth and enjoy the party!

As part of a couple she probably couldn’t contemplate attending something alone if she was single.

I think this by sorrysorrysosorry is where this has come from - I think she's actually being (over-)considerate, in worrying that you'll feel left out in some way, and she can't imagine that you're well practiced and plenty capable of going alone because she hasn't had the same experience as you :-) Don't give it a second thought, and have fun!

Go to the party and ask her, at some point: oh what did you mean by that because I didn't really understand.

sorry, i read it as an end of summer party specifically for your sports group/group of mum friends. then why invite you if she thinks it would be awkward? what a bizzare way to think! silly woman, just ignore her and go to the party and have a blast!

Maybe it's actually a swingers party

I'm surprised that someone in their 50s would have that sort of attitude. How strange. Just go to the party and forget she said anything, she probably feels silly now anyway!

She genuinely thinks that me being the only single person at a party full of couples

Some people are like this. Some people who have been married a long time just don't like doing things without the OH (I'm a bit like that). Don't start second guessing yourself OP, just pity the more socially awkward amongst us.