Relative demanding photos

[Funguy]

I have always got on okay with SIL and she is a friend on FB etc. I don't always understand her posts because she lives abroad and they often relate to issues I am not 'into'.
They are not good at keeping in contact with us on the whole, so I thought this was a plus.
However, one thing she has done in recent years is badger me for photos of the family.
Originally, I quite enjoyed posting pics on FB here and there of Mum, Dad and family events. I really loved and love my small family, but Dad has passed away. The trouble originally brewed when I posted two rather old photos of ancestors. They are nice photos but as my Dad never talked much about anything and unfortunately there was a rift in the family ( due to an unkindness which he never got over) , so none of us have much idea who the people are in the photos.( India during the Raj, haughty looking Imperialist load of individuals ) However, SIL started badgering me by email and on FB to find out who the sitters were and could I ask my infirm and incredibly old Mum etc.... I have absolutely no way of finding out and so I did not reply after a while, because she seemed a bit obsessed.It seemed weird...
Lately, she forwarded me an email from a relative whom I do not know. It was jokey and asked for photos of my Dad. To be honest it was sneering about Dad's personal appearance, which is typical of Dads side of the family. The sender wanted to know if he looked like Dad, although there would be no reason why he would...
I was not interested to make contact partly because the message was rude about Dad and partly 'cos the person who was asking's father and mother were pretty bloody awful people( believe me on this!).They also used to dun my Dad for money and make him feel worried... so..
So I explained all this quite kindly and that really I wanted no contact and please do not share details or photos.
Anyhow, she went up the bloody wall at me.
Apparently, these people are my 'family'.
I actually had never heard of them.
This was the wrong thing to say, because apparently I SHOULD have heard of them etc etc. and they are all friends on FB etc
The emails from her were very pressuring and not nice. Swear words although not directed at me, but still swear words.
In the end I felt a nervous wreck so I told her to leave me alone.
I have now stopped her seeing my pages and removed all photos .
I basically felt like my privacy and my Dad's memory was invaded.
I also feel that one side of my related family thinks there is money to be had somewhere from my Dad's estate. ( he was not in the least rich but he was very well educated and clever)
I just feel crap now.My brother and other family are connected to SIL even though they are rubbish at keeping in contact. I do not know why but it is getting me down!
I have health problems and I am losing sleep over the fact that I have fallen out with my SIL.( and her family?)

I wouldn't give that unhinged nutter another thought. You did the right thing by cutting contact, and if I were you, I would block her altogether. You can't reason with the unreasonable, op.

Absolutely! Bin the woman! Block her on everything!

I think it is the idea of losing people... I have lost quite a few friends in this life, due to silly disputes.

But yes you are right!

Absolutely understand and agree with your actions. But omg if i had photos of haughty looking imperialists I would be on ancestry like a shot!

That made me laugh! x

I did a bit of research on my Mum's side and that was interesting but it made us all cry because I found a picture of my Mum's father who died when she was 2! No other pictures were ever passed down of him because my Nana was a bit mad.( just a bit!)

I'm assuming this is your brother's wife? What does your brother think about this? Why can't he tell her to back off? Your family is none of her business.

Yes, that would be my next move. Probably I should have done that as a previous move. But it was stupid, I kind of felt in the wrong.

We keep the good ones close, we lose the crazy! 🤣

You did the right thing OP, and sorry for the loss of your Dad.

I think you have made a few assumptions

Some people are interested in their family history

Some are not. There are no rights o wrongs though.

She has no right to demand anything off you, and no right to be rude, but I wouldn't leap to the conclusion that they are looking for anything more than an interesting history of their family.

Tell her you find it upsetting but say she is feel to dig around herself, which she could do anyway without your permission

It could also be that it's bringing up feelings of grief for your dad passing and that's being masked by anxiety over all this?

I have a disabling illness so being bullied makes me anxious. But yes I carry grief, most people do who have lost loved ones.
Bullying is the issue and the piss taking email.
Being interested in family history is fine.

Yanbu, it isn't really any of sil business and she was wrong to berate you about "family". Family is what you make it, I have a relative who bangs on about ancestry and the family tree but it really doesn't interest me much. They've met random "cousins" I don't want to meet them, the connection is so tiny that there won't be a link and if you like them and want to be friends fine, but I wouldn't call them family.