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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Teacher, two counts of sexual assault?

24 replies

Ebad9518 · 29/08/2019 00:22

Apologies for putting this in aibu. But legal is pretty slow.

I'm in the throw of a police investigation against a former friend, and ex bf of my very good friend. We all went to school together. Basically on two occasions he assaulted me. Once when asleep and he thought I was drunk, and once whilst passed out drunk after buying me drinks under the guise of being sorry for what he'd done the first time (I know, how stupid can I be!?). The second one only came out last year when my friend told me. So I went to the police. This guy is a teacher, and is dating a 17 year old. This started when she was 15 but only official when 16. This girl attends a school that is partnered up with the school he teaches in. She's also very troubled. I'm not sure why this is relevant as the police can't do anything.

I reported this in August last year. By December he had his first interview, in which he went no comment to every question. Since then all the police have done is speak to two other friend who were there the first time, and got statements from my parents. He came to our house with his parents and admitted it and begged me not to go to the police the first time.

A few months ago the officer heading the case came over and basically outlined what he was planning to do next, explained he had a much larger caseload etc but it all seemed positive and like it was finally moving again. It felt like a visit to basically make up for months of nothing happening and taking weeks to reply to basic emails.

Since then I've had an email to say he's hoping to interview his parents and get statements from the rest that were there then head for a second interview. I emailed to ask for progress (emails seem to spur him to do something, although I do so very intermittently) about 3 weeks ago. Once again, I've heard nothing. I've thought about maybe he's on holiday etc. But this just seems to be ridiculous. My friend has spoken to a few people in the force who have said it's outrageous and to ask to speak to his sargeant. Does anyone have any experience of this? Should I do this?

Secondly, when I initially made the complaint I was told they'd have to notify the school and they would make the decision whether to suspend him whilst the investigation is ongoing. When it came to it we were told that they couldn't say anything until he was prosecuted? I get and respect the whole innocent until proven guilty philosophy, however this guy is teaching young girls. He's a sexual offender. Albeit not convicted yet, but still. Surely it's a safeguarding issue just that he's been accused. It's finally got me just how wrong this is tonight and I can't help but wonder if I've been told the wrong thing? I've had a look online and there's lots about suspension when a student accuses a teacher of sexual assault, but can't find anything on a non student accusing a teacher. Can anyone shed anymore light on this please? I need clear answers and I'm not getting them from the police.

OP posts:
Sunflowers211 · 29/08/2019 01:04

I see no harm in requesting an update, but I'm confused about the Safeguarding? Have you reported his relationship as well?

The Police are extremely understaffed and have huge caseloads, but still you deserve to be kept informed tbh.

beluga425 · 29/08/2019 01:29

"t is an offence for a person aged 18 or over to have any sexual activity with a person under the age of 18 if the older person holds a position of trust (for example a teacher or social worker) as such sexual activity is an abuse of the position of trust."

beluga425 · 29/08/2019 01:31

Maybe the police officers dealing with your case need to be updated on British law.
Also, I'd be emailing every day.

Ihavehadenoughalready · 29/08/2019 02:22

If this happened in the US, he’d be publicly shamed on the evening news and relieved of his teacher duties while the investigation went on.

He’d be banned from contact with any children except if he had his own, and then under supervision only.

On the other hand, if he’s a priest, we’ll just send him to a new parish. Although we are getting a little better about priest crimes now, thanks to public naming and shaming of both the priests and the enablers.

But same dynamic; abuse from a position of trust. The fact that the “girlfriend”/victim is troubled is probably why she was selected. They are easy prey. The fact he took advantage of you and assaulted you by getting you drunk is all of a piece of an abuser. His behavior towards you fits a general pattern of abuse and the police should darn well take you seriously. Has this teacher also gotten this young girl drunk/supplied her with alcohol? Maybe they can add that to any charges.

Gingerkittykat · 29/08/2019 03:30

I'm confused about why the police can't take action about his relationship with the 17 year old girl, or why the school is not investigating and acting.

I would consider reporting to one of the teaching bodies.

Dommina · 29/08/2019 04:00

That relationship is absolutely not appropriate and you need to tell someone. PP have quoted the law. Especially if you have proof.

recrudescence · 29/08/2019 06:33

I'm confused about why the police can't take action about his relationship with the 17 year old girl

I understood that the girl does not attend the school he teaches in and therefore he is not, legally, in a “position of trust”.

Ebad9518 · 29/08/2019 09:04

It's frustrating but that's what I gathered. However if she were to take s certain course she would then travel to that school to take course. She's barely in school these days anyway. Sickeningly it's a girl he used to baby sit from the age of 6 and played dress up with etc.

OP posts:
Witchinaditch · 29/08/2019 09:23

Go above the polices officers head, this is not on. Don’t feel like you don’t want to cause a fuss you need to cause a fuss over this! Please please don’t let them fob you off.

hormonesorDHbeingadick · 29/08/2019 09:27

You can ring the local LADO and report concerns about his relationship with teenager.

Has he been charged with the crimes against yourself? If yes then you should also make them aware of this.

whattodowith · 29/08/2019 09:27

Don’t let the police fob you off, keep chasing it. I’d also consider contacting the school anonymously to let them know about his inappropriate relationship with a child.

NoBaggyPants · 29/08/2019 09:33

The child and teacher are not at the same school, hence it does not fall under the abuse of trust law. You should still report it to the safeguarding officers at the two schools though if you have concerns.

Can I ask how old the alleged offender is?

Ask for an update on your complaint. These things take far too long to investigate, and sadly very few are prosecuted, and even fewer result in a finding of guilt. Please seek emotional support if you need it.

phlebasconsidered · 29/08/2019 09:36

No school can allow a teacher to work with these sort of accusations as part of safeguarding. Even if someone who lives in the same house as them is accused, teachers are suspended. All safeguarding policies demand this, so something is very wrong here. There is no way at all a school which has a teacher accused of sexual assault would still have them working, safeguarding is hugely stringent about this.

CuckooCuckooClock · 29/08/2019 09:41

Have you contacted the schools? You could tell the safeguarding leads at each school and the LADO, which is the local authority designated officer.
I’m sorry this has happened to you x

Corna · 29/08/2019 09:43

You need to speak to your local authority designated officer, ie LADO. Just search Google with the name of your local authority and LADO. Give them a call explaining the situation and ask to check it has been referred to them. They are responsible for dealing with allegations against people in a position of trust, although the police are responsible for the investigation. They won't give you the details but should be able to confirm they have received the case. Police should have referred it to them automatically.

The fact that he is teaching at a different school makes no difference to his being in a position of trust. If he is under police investigation he should have been suspended by school whilst the investigation is ongoing, partly to protect others and partly as he is vulnerable to further allegations .

Ebad9518 · 29/08/2019 10:05

Bloody hell, I had no idea. Nothing has been said to the school at all. It just clicked yesterday that it's so wrong. I know that sounds stupid.

The offender is 24 now, was 18 and 19 at the time of the assaults. Funnily enough he asssuit me the first time on my 18th birthday and the next day came to my party and was asking my parents about what constitutes paediphilia etc.

Thanks for all the lovely words. My partner has been incredible and my friends too. They've all been more supportive than I could have ever hoped.

Can I contact lado as I've been told that I'm not allowed to speak to anyone about the case at all and doing so will affect it.

We have no proof of the relationship beginning when she was 15, but it's all over sm now.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 29/08/2019 10:10

The enhanced curb check shows police investigations, you renew it yearly. I can't see how its slipped through the net. Is it common knowledge he's got a 17 year old schoolgirl as a girlfriend?

Ebad9518 · 29/08/2019 10:20

Gosh really. This investigation has gone on for over a year. Saying that it was just starting this time last year so is it likely it'll be renewed before he goes back to school next week? Common knowledge enough for parents to know and allow 'sleep overs' but there's never photos of the two of them as far as I'm aware but I can't see his account, only hers. Do you think this could be being swept under the carpet?

OP posts:
phlebasconsidered · 29/08/2019 10:32

In my experience safeguarding if a suspect is a teacher the police inform the school as they are duty bound to. This should have happened. The police have also informed us when a teachers flatmate was a suspect, and they were suspended as part of safeguarding. If the school have not been informed either the police have made an error or someone rlse has, so yes, it needs chasing up.

Ebad9518 · 29/08/2019 11:33

Wow. Would I be best reporting to lado myself? Or emailing the police? Thank you all so much for this advice.

OP posts:
hormonesorDHbeingadick · 29/08/2019 11:34

Do both. Contacting LADO yourself means you know they have been contacted and it reminds the police that you know what you are talking about.

Ebad9518 · 29/08/2019 11:38

@HormonesorDHbeingadick thank you. That's true. I'm going to try and get really clued up on all of this so I can't be told this sort of bollocks again. I'm appauled he's taught for a year without the school knowing.

OP posts:
Ebad9518 · 29/08/2019 20:01

Sorry, another question. Is it possible that because it was 6 years ago they don't need to tell the school.

I've been reading into it all day and it seems ridiculous that I've been told they can't inform the school until he's convicted. I don't understand how this has been missed.

OP posts:
Corna · 01/09/2019 19:49

Ebad9518 yes you should contact the LADO regardless of what you have been told. Its part of the statutory process in these cases. School should have been informed by police already but there is nothing to stop you contacting the LADO yourself. Good luck!

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